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Help she threatened him we wouldn't see my baby be born alive
Ok, so my bf ex threatened that we wouldn't live to see my baby be born alive. We promptly went to the police and the local courthouse. Ended that day with a temp restraining order for him and 2 court dates. Went to the court dates and they dropped the order and told us that since she "agreed" to be an adult and leave us alone. (ha been 5 yrs and she hasn't yet)that we could write a letter and mail it to her and it would be equal to a NO Tresspassing sign. Mailed the letter SHE NEVER picked it up it was RETURNED go figure.
My court date even with a neutral party witness we got nothing. And in less that 3 months later she contacted him telling him how worthless he is for not finacially supporting their kids for college. (Which is is as much as possible for being unemployed and looking for work, other than under the table) This message from her landed me stressed and in ER less than 24 hrs later with my pregnancy. Then after the announcement of our daughter she contacted both of us by Facebook. Lucky me I found out how to block her completely.
My question is What can we do when the system failed us already? And what steps am I able to secure my daughter's Safety through life in daycare and school as we live in a small town that I grew up in and she transplanted to, NEVER do I want her near my child. Plus broke at the moment. Yet, I don't want my concerns to ever hurt my boyfriend and his already grown kids or my daughter if ever she has a relationship with her older siblings.
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Re: Help she threatened him we wouldn't see my baby be born alive
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
You're LETTING her get to you. Why does it matter that she's telling him he's worthless, etc.? Don't pick up the phone. Don't engage. Don't get mixed into it. Why are you letting her rile you to the point that you're ending up in the ER from stress? You're GIVING her what she wants. STOP IT!!! You're letting her win. (geez, how many times do we have to go through this?)
Mail the letter, certified main return receipt requested. Or simply mail it to her with a deliver confirmation receipt so she doesn't have to sign for it but you have proof that she received it (it's delivered to her house in the regular mail and the postal worker simply writes out a receipt, matches it with the bar code and presto, verification of delivery!)
Chances are her kids know she's BSC. If it's a small enough town, the residents know she's BSC. Get.a.grip. You're sounding as off-kilter as she is here.
Her kids are adults and, face it, they're not going to have the glowing, warm, fuzzy relationship with your kids that you might be hoping for. They're the product of an earlier relationship, their mom is BSC, and they're in a different stage of life, heading into the world and making it on their own. They're not going to have the time to come to your house for family dinners, etc. (Okay, sorry, that was me being snarky.)
She's BSC, but she's not going to come abduct your child or beat her up or do anything else so whackadoodle. She's BSC and wants to get your goat --- AND YOU'RE LETTING HER.
As far as it goes, ignore her calls, block her number, block Facebook. But keep the contact she has made to verify that she is still contacting you and violating the court recommendation. File again for the restraining order.
When your kid's in school, there's a list of who can and can't remove them, approach them, etc. Make the teachers aware that she's persona non grata (a person not allowed near your kids)
Thanks already blocked her and she only knows where we live. And I have not engaged. Even when we walked right past eachother. The ER was a wk b4 my due date. THe certified mail was returned to us already.
As for his kids that has always been the case since before I was in the picture and it is reasonable due to the closeness in age. Plus, they live or go to school in different towns.
Though she choked her own oldest child to the point she only stopped because her mom had a heart attack and stabbed her dad we just found out a few wks prior to her threat. To top it off her parents covered it up for her and unfortunately they just passed away this past holiday.
Thank you glad there is a listing for school and daycare was hoping I didn't have to go through complete legal means to do so.
Is a print out from Facebook and my email enough to file a report, as I took in 5 yrs of things and got no where or do I just need to take each as it comes to the local police to have logged? Just want to keep focused on positives but know that sometimes to do that you must plan/prevent the negatives when possible.
R/O are nothing more than a piece of paper. If someone truly wanted to hurt someone that paper doesn't mean very much.
Keep track and document everything. Don't engage her in anyway. Delete your FB. She can track you on there even if you have her blocked. If you are worried about the safety of your child, FB should be a thing of the past for you and your DH. (That is one of the first things we tell victims of threats and violence).
Alert the daycare that if she ever shows up to call the police. Meet your neighbors and engage them in your safety plan. Be unpredictible with the routes you travel, the places you eat at, the times you come and go from your house, where you shop, etc. Let the police know the scoop. They are obligated to take a report even if they don't do anything about it. Force the issue if needed.
Above all else be aware of your surrondings, but don't go crazy or she wins. Most people don't follow through with threats. If she truly meant you harm other than to scare and itimidate you she would have probably done something by now. You can never be too careful though.
My daycare had us list who was approved by us to pick up our child and stated that they would not release the child to anyone other than who was on that list. Look for a daycare that practices that policy. If you can't find one that does, make sure you are very clear about who they release your child to. Being that it's a small town, they should know this BSC ex and will be smart enough to abide by your wishes.
So you don't engage. Great. Good start. Now work on not letting her threats get to you. Learn to exude strength, confidence and I could give a rats ass persona. She'll realize she can't intimidate you and stop. Don't be surprised tho if she steps it up and antagonizes you more before it wanes and stops. They always kick it into high gear to shake you and see if you're really as tough as you appear. That's when you have to be toughest.
Work on another way of letting go of the stress she causes you. And seriously, if she makes your life a living hell - move. Nothing is worth that crap. And putting a little distance between you and her could do a world of good.