One and done...anyone want only 1 child?

Re: One and done...anyone want only 1 child?

• JenandJustin10806

  April 2010

  I felt that way when I had DS. I was exhausted and I just didnt think that another one was in my future. When DS turn 6 months we started to really experience the great joys of parenthood and said well maybe one more...So we had DD just before DS turned 2...I would not change it for the world. DS loves DD so much and I love our family. You are only 1 month in maybe you will change your mind.

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• tlmommy2b:)

  April 2010

  I have always wanted just one. DH wants a 2nd child. We will see. 

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• Kim B.

  April 2010

  When she was first born, I thought that people who would do this more than once were crazy. Now we're seven weeks in and I'm thinking I could definitely do this at least once, if not twice, more I think growing up as an only child could be a bit lonely...
  

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• BarbieAP

  April 2010

  I have always said that I only wanted 1 while DH had always said he wanted 2.  Now that we're a month in, my mind hasn't changed and his has.  He realizes how much work is involved and has agreed that maybe 1 should be it.  For me, I'm a realist and I just realize how much $$ children cost.  I would hate to never be able to provide for my child/children.  I feel like 1 is doable, but for our financial situation, more would have us stretched too thin.  Also, I think about our house and the size and set-up.  It is a good size for the 3 of us but anymore than that would probably be a little tight.  Will my DS miss out on having a brother or sister to play with?  Sure!  But, he won't know any different.  And besides, my sister lives just down my street and her daughter is 4 years older than my son so they will be great friends!!

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• MomOfClaire

  April 2010

  I can't have anymore. I grew up w/ 4 brothers and loved it. I get sad thinking about C experiencing holidays and vacations w/o siblings. I think we'll probably adopt.

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• gwennec member

  April 2010

  After the 20 hour labor and 2 hours of intense, horrific pushing, I turned to my husband after she was born and said, this is it! He really wants to try for a boy, so wants a second. I really don't know if I can go through labor again. I was an only child and although it was lonely at times, I really didn't mind it and got to take a friend along on vacations. Plus, with the way things work out, we will end up with 2 girls instead of a boy. I am going to be 35 in a few months and am not sure I want to deal with the risks either. And we live in California and it is super expensive, so I have told my husband that neither of us make enough money to afford having 2 kids with college and everything else.

  

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• kciriello member

  April 2010

  DH and I always said that we would have between 0-1 child. When we decided to have a child, we were both pretty firm that we would have only one. I never really had a strong biological desire to have a child the way some women talk about (never felt the ticking clock), DH grew up an only child and didn't think it was that bad, and we felt that 1 child would be a nice fit for us. We're perfectionists and we both have careers we love so we figured 1 was about right for our lifestyle basically.

  Fast-forward to now. Our DS is 9 weeks old. I LOVE being a mother. Love, love, love it. I grew up with a younger sister I helped take care of and was always a camp counselor. Turns out, all of that clicked right back into place once I had a baby.

  Now, I admit I think about having 1 more child. DH is absolutely not ready for another in any way. Having a baby has been a tremendous stress on him, our marriage, and a big change in his lifestyle. He loves our son so much but he is still battling internally with wanting things to still be the same as they were (his way - ha!). Having a child has also highlighted the ways in which DH is innately selfish and honestly, I don't want our child to turn out to be selfish like my DH can be, with parents who focus on him and nothing else (this is how my DH grew up).

  I guess all this is to say that while I see absolutely nothing wrong with having only one child, I now see things from a different perspective than I did before I had a child. Now that I have one, and love being a mother so much, and am seeing the true results of being a spoiled only child in the way my DH behaves, I can see more clearly the benefits of making sure our son has a brother or sister. Also, sometimes I can't imagine never experiencing all of this again.

  I'm still undecided, and ultimately it will need to be a joint decision between my husband and me, but I think we will probably have a second. And this is from someone who started out saying 0-1 child!

  ETA: Not all only children are spoiled. But my DH was and is. So I think that if parents are careful not to spoil, that makes a huge difference. His parents focused 100% of their attention on him and nothing else, and made him the center of their universe...and that's been tough for DH as a father because he is not accustomed to having to make sacrifices for others the way you learn to make sacrifices/compromises when you grow up with a sibling. Just wanted to be clear that I am in no way saying that all only children are spoiled/selfish!
  

  

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