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Parenting
NPR- WWYD- re: "secretive" DH??
So DH stays up late at night on the computer and I have been noticing the "history" has been cleared from time to time, more so on weekends then during the week. There has also been "porn" advertisements popping up on our computer from time to time. So after I put the two of them together I'm thinking ok so DH is looking at porn big deal, but then i'm thinking, why is he being secretive about it, so when the advertisements popped up again the other day I googled the sight to see what it was, here it's like a chatting porn/dating type site- one is Fling and the other is Mate?? Anyway I'm thinking what is he doing, so I got on his email and here there are messages from different girls, so then I log on with his info. to these two different websites, I didn't find any chats or anything, but I did see that on his profile he has that he's single, and his interests like friends with benefits, etc. I also noticed that the one is very recent, he signed up for it last month. I'm not sure what to do... 1- I didn't find any chats or anything, so I can't say he's cheating on me, because it looks like maybe he's just looking at the pictures of the naked girls?? 2- why does he have he's single..3- why is he being so secretive if it is innocent and he is just looking at pictures??
I"m just not sure what to do.. I don't want to accuse him of cheating on me (by the way I consider dirty chat online cheating) because I'm not sure that he is.. but if all he is doing is just looking at porn then why is he being so secretive by clearing the history, etc.
by the way I know his email address, which is usually how sites have you sign in now and I know his password to his online pogo game site, so I just assumed that would also be his email password and sure enough it was, along with being the password to all these other sites.
I'm just not sure how I should approach him with all of it... WWYD? Let it go, or bring it up and how?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NPR- WWYD- re: "secretive" DH??
Bring it up just like you did here.
This is a tough one, but me being nosy I would've done the same thing you did. But, your DH could be really upset about what you did (looking at his emails, etc). FWIW, my DH looks at porn online too, which I'm totally fine with and he also deletes the history off the browser. When I ask him why he does it, his answer is, "I don't know." I think it's just a matter of that's his "private" time and he doesn't want me to see that. I, too, have checked his emails and have never once found what you have though.
I'd probably just start out asking him about the cleared browser history and see what he says and go from there. GL!
Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
Looking at porn (and clearing the history) does not freak me out - but having a profile would raise red flags for me too.
Ask him about it and bring up your concerns.
Oy. Yeah, you need to address it. I wouldn't accuse him of cheating, but tell him what you know and that you're not okay with him pretending to be single on these sites.
Methinks this is a slippery slope he's on. If he hasn't done anything already, he's definitely being dishonest, and that's never a good thing.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
He's going to lie about it, and he will turn it around and make you look like you are the bad person. So be ready for it, but ask him about it when you have lots of time to talk and he can't get away or have an excuse to talk about it later.
When I was engaged, this happened to me. I saw his profile as looking for "play." He apologized and swore it was a stupid mistake, etc. We are divorced now. He was meeting people online. In my opinion, people do not change. I don't think I could have done anything to steer him away. He is who he is.
He was on the computer a lot on weekends, and I always said, "The computer brought us together, and it's going to be the end of us." I was right.
I am sooooooo much happier now that I'm divorced. I can rest my head on my pillow and do not have to worry about what he's doing. I'm not saying not to try to work it out or to give up. But if it comes down to that, you WILL survive.
I totally agree with you. Porn isn't the issue - he can easily rent PPV, or see porn online that does not require him to tell the world he's single and he's looking for friends with benefits. I'd be furious.
THIS!!!!
Come on, this isn't about porn. There's porn all over the internet. He doesn't have to create a profile and say that he's single and looking for FWB.
I'm sure that this is difficult for you and you're in shock, but don't fool yourself. How much more proof do you need??? If he's not already cheating, he's looking to.
I love how your H is being a skeezy, untrustworthy dovcher and YOU'RE worried about hurting his feelings.
There is no reason that he would need to create a profile, nevermind list himself as single and looking for a fvck buddy. He is either currently cheating or is about to.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
You need to step back and realize...he has created a page for himself on a FLING website! Saying he's SINGLE and LOOKING TO HOOK UP!!! If he hasn't already, he is/was planning to cheat! Don't down play this for the sake of not rocking the boat (which it sounds like you don't want to upset him?? why??). You have every right to be livid. I know I would be (I'm mad for you right now). He should be looking at regular porn websites...not on a fling website with real women who want to be contacted and skrewed! Just because you didn't find chats doesn't mean he hasn't deleted them there as well (if he deletes the history why wouldn't he delete his chats) or he could have a seperate email or uses and AIM chat. Also, this was on the weekends, when your home to have sex with? I'd have a problem with that.
He knows what he is doing is wrong and is hiding it from you because he doesn't want you to find out. THIS IS CHEATING wether he's hooked up with someone yet or not. Do some more snooping in his phone - at this point you have the right.
I'm sorry you have going through this, I would be so upset if I were in your shoes. I suggest counseling for the both you. Good luck you have my T's and P's.
Yeah, I think I may have understated what I meant earlier. He's being dishonest and why on earth would he create profiles stating he's single if he weren't at the very least planning to be unfaithful?
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would be devastated.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Ditto.
C'mon, youporn is free and you don't have to sign up for anything. This throws up some serious red flags and I would definitely be talking to him about it.
photos by jennied photography
Alissa Jean
9.10.2004
I still agree with the PPs and think you should just talk this out with him, but IDK how you'll ever be able to trust him again regardless of what he says.
(((hugs)))
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church