3-4 year age difference?

temh81107 · April 2010

Does anyone have now or is planning to have a 3-4 year age difference between LOs? DH and I have recently decided to put off TTC another year. We would love to have another right now, as originally planned, but have decided to hold off to get in a better place at work as well as emotionally and financially since our loss in Feb. Now, though, I have this irrational fear that this is too big of an age difference. I know this is just in my head because everyone around us says that the 2-3 year age difference is the best for sibling relationships. Also, DH and I are both 2.5 years older than our next oldest sibling. So, these are the only scenarios we know. I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance that this age difference will still allow for them to be close and play together.

TIA!

MrsJMB · April 2010

My brother and I are 4 years apart (he's younger) and we're not close at all. But we have completely different personalities. I'm of the thinking that it doesn't really matter how close/far apart you have your kids, if they're going to be close, they're going to be close. I don't think we can control it that much.

LilMissLadybug · April 2010

My kids are 3yrs apart. It was perfect for us. DD loved being a helper and now that DS is older they play great together.

emiliemadison · April 2010

I think it's fine! Mine are 2.5 years apart, but we would have been just as happy with 3-4 years.

I'm the oldest of 5 kids and we're all spaced 2 years apart. I'm actually the closest to the one who's 6 years younger And growing up, we were all super close. I dont think the spacing has ANYTHING to do with how they'll end up getting along; it's all about their personalities.

meggiekins · April 2010

Our kids are 4 years and 1 month apart. So far, it has worked out really well for us. DS was old enough to be included in so many aspects of a new baby coming, he really took to it well. She has always been "his baby" too. We dealt with almost no sibling jealousy, and he loved helping with her: finding her bottle, grabbing a diaper out of her room, encouraging her to roll over. They still get along really well, and she loves to follow him around and mimic him, and he likes playing with her.

I always wanted a smaller gap between my kids too, but this is the way it worked out, and we will probably have a similar gap between DD and #3 if we have another baby.

betsnup · April 2010

My brother and I are 3.5 years apart. It definitely has it's good and bad points. Up until I was 6 or 7, he was my protector and my mom's helper. He was a great big brother. Once we both got into school, we definitely were not so close - our personalities at school were so different, plus the school gap (4 years) was just enough that we were never really in the same school together. However, once he graduated HS, we became closer again, and now we don't even notice the age gap and are really close.

busywifey · April 2010

i have two brothers, one is 7 years older and the other is 4 years older.

i am super close with both.

my dh has a brother who is 3 years younger and they too are really close.

we would like our kids to be 3 years apart.

temh81107 · April 2010

Thank you all so much! I know it is crazy, but I have just been so worried about it! Ah, parenthood...

DTNZ4Ever · April 2010

We are planning on TTC when DS is 3 so our LOs will be 3-4 years apart. My sister and I are 4 years 5 months apart in age and we are best friends and have always been. Also the best part is you won't have 2 in college at the same time so that makes it easier

sparky88 · April 2010

DTNZ4Ever:
the best part is you won't have 2 in college at the same time so that makes it easier

Many times families can qualify for more grant money & discounted tuition when they have multiple kids in college at the same time.

To the OP, I have a brother who is four years younger than me. I was really close with him as a baby/toddler. As a kid, not so much. And, now we are really close as adult siblings. I'm sure everyone will adapt to the spacing you end up with....GL!

mrsolsenk12 · April 2010

My brother and I are 19 months apart in age and we were never close growing up....heck we aren't exactly close now but we get along ok. My DH is 3.5 years older than his sister and they are closer than my brother and I are. We will have to do IVF to get pregnant again and are not planning on doing it again until DS is 3 so there will be almost a 4 year gap between him and a sibling. I was worried that they wouldn't be close but I have seen so many people have kids farther apart and they are close. (My mom is the 2nd oldest of 6 and she is closest to her youngest sister who is 5 years younger than her)

Rubygirl · April 2010

If we have another, they will be ~4 years apart at least. I'm not sure what you mean by "too big of an age difference." I mean, for what? To be close? My brother and I are 4.5 years apart and we're relatively close. But I think our differences have FAR less to do with age than just our life experiences.

blueshirt2003 · April 2010

My boys are 4 years apart. It works out really great. The oldest understands that sometimes we need to do something with the LO (diapers, feeding when he was a baby, etc) and he understood. He didn't get mad, etc.

Our youngest looks up to his big brother so much. He'll follow him and learn things from him. They still pretend play together and they even share a room. They love each other so much!!

Also, my brother and myself are also 4 years apart. We actually have the same birth months as my boys do so that's kind of neat! We fought growing up and had a normal brother/sister relationship.

4 years is totally ok!

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