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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
baby at wedding (wwyd)
Okay so we have 2 weddings to go to this summer (one is sil & one is bil - so immediate family pretty much). Both brides have mentioned there will be a sitter in a separate room at the reception to watch the kids. We have the only "baby". I dont feel comfortable letting a sitter watch my baby while watching 10+ little kids. Actually I dont know if I would feel comfortable lettin a sitter I have never met watch my baby alone. I plan to still be ebfing at the time as well so I would need to leave to nurse her. I dont have anyone I could leave LO with for the weekend (the weddings are out of town, not local).
So what can I do? Would it be okay to keep LO with me? If it were my family I know they wouldnt have a problem with it. But its DH's brother & sister and Im not sure.
The one wedding is during the afternoon, but the other one is the evening so LO would need to go to bed too. I guess I would have to leave early to return to the hotel to put LO down? I have no clue. I seriously hate weddings. ugh
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Re: baby at wedding (wwyd)
IMO, you shouldn't go. When you tell them you won't be going, explain the reasons. If they truly want you there, they'll make an exception, but I don't think you should ask.
I would explain that you don't feel comfortable leaving LO with the sitter who also has several other children to watch. 3 things can happen:
1. She'll tell you it's okay to bring LO (hopefully!)
2. Hire a sitter on your own and leave LO at home
3. Don't go to the wedding
My baby was a little over 3 months old when we took her to my cousin's wedding. There was another baby there about her age and they were both really really good. I was playing in the wedding so DH sat at the back of the room with her in case she started crying. My cousin is not the nicest of people either so I was a little afraid that for the rest of our lives she would hate me if Lydia started screaming. She didn't though so it was good. This was an evening wedding and DD fell asleep in her carseat. I was amazed because she is not a calm baby at all. Maybe you could just voice your concern for the one person watching all those kids. If they don't want the baby in the ceremony then I personally would just not go into the ceremony and would stay with the baby. I don't see why you couldn't have her at the reception unless they plan to get wild and crazy though lol.
Are you driving or flying to the weddings? Could you bring your own baby-sitter with you? We went to a wedding that was about 1.5 hrs out of town (driving) when DS was about 5 months old and we brought my mom with us. We took him to the wedding and then she took watched him at our hotel for the rest of the night. We rented a suite so there was plenty of room.
Is it okay to keep your LO with you? That's up to the bride and groom. I wouldn't do it unless I had cleared it with them first. I'm sure they're probably hesitant to make exceptions b/c then they might feel obligated to do it for others.
I don't know if I'd feel comfortable using a sitter I'd never met either. But if they're at the same location, you could always check in periodically, and if it doesn't seem to be going well, you could take the baby back to your hotel room.
thanks ladies. I guess I will talk over it with dh (since its his siblings) and see if he thinks we should bother asking or not. I have no problem not going (in fact i would prefer to not go) so maybe thats what I will do. The only reason I might ask is because his family likes to have a good time (if you know what I mean) and enjoy having a night off from their kids, so the sitter might be provided for that purpose and not really for the purpose of no kids at the wedding. I do not drink and dont mind caring for my baby all the time.
And for the person who said ebfing is not an excuse, I think you're a bit much. I have a terrible time pumping (my body doesnt react well to the pump and I cant get much out and end up in pain & uncomfortable) and I have no problem leaving the reception to go nurse her somewhere else. I was just making the point that I would prefer not to travel away for a weekend and not bring her with me.
I have to agree with this.
I'm not sure I agree with everyone who said not to discuss it with the brides. This is family right? I'd feel comfortable enough to discuss it with them or have DH talk to them. Simply say, "I'm not sure how to handle this" and ask them what their thoughts are. Tell them you want to respect their wishes.
If they say they don't want children at the wedding or they're uncomfortable making an exception, then yes, I think your choices are: bring your own babysitter or don't go. I wouldn't feel comfortable using their babysitter either.
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
hmm, this is a tough one. i can relate because my cousin is getting married in September and does not want children there. i am surprised because we have such a small family already. my parents have generously offered to pay for a sitter so that we can go.
i would say hire your own sitter so that you know who is watching the baby if you are concerned about not knowing the sitter at the wedding; however it is very nice of them to offer a sitter on site. you can pop in whenever to check on them and im assuming you woulld not have to pay. if it was me, i would take advantage of that.
if you didnt go to the wedding it could create friction with your in-laws.
Not everyone can pump effectively to get enough milk to feed the baby and not every baby even takes a bottle, so I don't agree with that at all and it's a bit a harsh and short sighted.
OP you really have only three options and they were already mentioned. If you DH's family wants you there for the duration of the wedding then they will have to make an exception, if not then they won't. I would ask DH to figure it out, because it is his family. For the other wedding, you could ask, but I think that depends on how close you are with the bride and groom.
Not everyone has success pumping or bottlefeeding. And I just dont see how it's a big deal to talk to FAMILY about your concerns. Maybe my family is weird, but we care way less about etiquette than we do about having nursing babies at our weddings. IMO, it would be much worse to send an RSVP with a 'decline' to a family member w/out an explanation, then it would be to ask about it. ?
This is funny. My son won't take a bottle so I think that EBF is in fact an excuse. He doesn't eat unless I nurse him and I'm not going to starve my child.
In this situation I would ask SIL and BIL because they are family. If they still don't want babies I would either bring my mom to stay with him in the hotel room and just leave whenever he needed to eat or I would just not go at all. I would definitely not leave my infant with a babysitter I never met who was also watching several other children.
My issue here is LO was not invited to the wedding. They obviously do not want kids there. It's their wedding. Let them do what they want to do. I would not go to them asking if they can bring their baby with them. That puts the bride & groom in an awkward situation.
I can agree with that. I disagree, however, that providing child-care at a wedding is the same as a kid-free wedding. Even OP mentions above that she thinks this may be the case. ?
Man thats a tough one. Personally I would have your husband talk to his brother and sister though. Its one thing to not have EVERYONES child at the wedding but your baby is their neice! My BIL is getting married in July and I was worried sick about whether or not our baby was invited (he and his fiance are really prim and proper) but hubby brought it up last night and he said that only our child and his cousin are invited. Maybe your BIL/SIL will allow close family children.
PS- I was worried about our baby being invited because I'm a SAHM and the only people who have watched our son so far are my mom and dad and this wedding is out of town and my parents wouldn't be able to travel with us to it because my sister will be in town that week. I don't feel comfortable leaving baby with anyone else yet.
I'd first ask the brides if it was even ok to bring the baby. I would never bring a baby without permission.
If they say no, I wouldn't go if your LO won't take a bottle. I think having the babysitter run into the reception to get you ever time your LO needed to eat is annoying, especially if she has 10 othr kids to watch.
Or, can you try introducing a bottle so you can leave with a babysitter of your own choosing? I don't understand people that never introduce a bottle (I EBF too, but pump for work and for things like weddings or when we go out without her). I get that people don't want to be apart from their baby, but it seems so limiting to never be able to get a night out.
its family, I would still ask. and honestly, if it were my family and my daughter wasn't invited, I'd have something to say about it. And probably wouldnt go out of spite.
We are in the same position. BIL is getting married in a little over a month and refuses to have children at the wedding. Luckily it is only 10 minutes from our house but if it was any farther I would not go. I also EBF/P and it is just to much to bring the pump along for a wedding. Since the day will be about 6 hours I will have to pump sometime. I plan on leaving early, not to mention this wedding is on a Sunday night and no its not a holiday weekend.
My brother is also getting married and asked what we wanted to do about M. I said I would prefer her there, she will be 10 months. He said I just worry you wont have a good time, which is what I think your problem is here. I told him I wouldnt have a good time if she was with someone I didnt really know.
Go with your gut, if it is no kids stay home and dont feel bad about it.