Just need to vent

opal0718 · April 2010

So my husband and I went to hear out babies heart beat for the first time on Thursday and the doctor couldn't find it. I was 15 weeks. She said I may not be as far along as we thought based on my last missed period, and I had been feeling like I wasn't quite that far along anyways, so it was easy to believe that was the issue. She sent me for an early ultrasound that day anyways, just to check and pin point how far along I really was. When we got there the ultrasound tech was looking and taking pictures for awhile and I started getting nervous, and then she turned to me and said she was very sorry, she sees the baby but there is no hearbeat, thus the baby had passed. I was so confused but my husband and I just broke down and I couldn't even think straight. I was having no symtoms of a miscarriage at all. No reason to believe that anything was wrong. It was supposed to be such a happy day, but ended in a nightmare. My doctor said I could wait and let my body catch on natuarally or have a D&C, the down side to waiting was that there was no telling when it would happen. I didn't want to be at work and just have it start to happen and it felt so weird to have a lifeless body in me, so I choose to do the D&C. I went in and had it done the next day.

This was my first pregnancy and we were so happy and wanted it so badly. I have not felt any anger, I don't blame anyone or myslef, but it has been so sad. My husband and I are being very positive and looking forward to trying again as soon as we can. He has been so very supportive and still my rock even though this loss is just as painful to him. I don't think I could have made it through all of this without him. He is the greatest man in the world and I couldn't be luckier to have him.

We are very committed to staying strong and looking toward the future. Our family and friends have been great. We talk about things freely to each other, my husband and I, but try not to dwell or let it consume us as this will not change anything.

I was hoping that coming out on here and leaving my story would make me feel better and I think that it has. I am not necessarily looking for anyone to comment, not that I don't want it, but I am mostly trying to just put it out there. Kind of like putting a letter in a balloon and letting it go, as a way to get it out and let it go.

Thanks to all who take the time to read and reflect and I send out my love to anyone else dealing with this right now.

Jessicaanne_1@yahoo.com · April 2010

I hope venting brings you peace. I am so very sorry for your loss. Its just my opinion. I know we all grieve differently. I think maybe before you move on from this loss. Give yourself a minute to be sad and or angry if you need to.

myst33 · April 2010

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. It sounds like you have a great outlook and support system. I've found this board to be a great source of support as well, as we all sadly have this in common.