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Parenting
Suggestions Welcome...
I'm at a loss and I'm looking for any suggestions.
Every Sunday we have dinner with my DH's family. We have a nephew who is 3 who 80% of the time hits, pushes, or throws things at our daughter. This past weekend was the worst - he ran across the yard and close lined her (on top of hitting her probably a dozen times and telling his father he wants to hit her).
When his mom is there he's fine - she can pretty much anticipate his actions and stop things before they get going. But she's only there maybe a weekend out of every 6. When she's not his father is so exhausted from trying to keep up with him (his words) he just lets him do whatever and waits for his parents to take care of things. And yes he is aware he is doing this he has said it.
Most of the time we end up holding our daughter or keeping her in a high chair. She's at an age where she's no longer happy with that (and I'm at a point in my pregnancy where I can't do it for 3 hours we are there). My husband does a good job for the most part but he was busy this past weekend helping his Dad. It was a nightmare.
I love our nephew - he's the first kid in the family and we loved being around him. But I hate the way he acts towards my daughter and I'm scared of what he might do when the baby comes. We tried talking to his Dad about what he suggestes but his response is that he's 3 and he will grow out of it. It's been over 8 months of dealing with this and he still hasn't it's just gotten worse.
The only thing I could think of is leaving once he hits her but then she thinks shes getting punished. And it's basically like we are waiting for her to get hit. My husband suggested going a few hours early to spend time with his parents and have a small time frame that overlaps so we can still see everyone and slowly work it up to longer time frames together. Of course no one has any suggestions other than these in his family (other than just dealing with it) so I was hoping some one here might have some suggestions... Any thing that's worked for you?
I'm reposting this on a few boards to get any suggestions. Thanks ladies...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Suggestions Welcome...
My thoughts exactly. If his dad isn't doing anything, then I think you have every right to step in and do so, IMO. You can talk to his dad first, of course, but this has to be addressed by someone. Or I'd stop coming on the days when the kid's mom won't be there.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Ditto. I think at this point and from what the dad has already said, that I would address the little boy directly myself. He knows what he can get away with when his dad is there, but if you set boundaries with him that are definite and have consequences, hopefully he'll respect you and his behavior will improve. GL!
We usually pick up our daughter and take her out of the situation. He won't listen to me at all - I've tried - he swings at adults too. He will listen to my husband to a certain extent. After my husband talks to him he will usually leave her alone for 20 min or so and then be back to bullying her. But then there is the 20% of the time where things are great where they play together.
How would you discipline someone elses kid? I mean we talk to him but I know all hell would break loose if we put him into time out or something. We talked to his father and his whole thing is that he's a boy and he will grow out of it. Like I said it's been 8 months and he hasn't grown out of it. His father on occasion will put him into time out but that doesn't work at all. Nothing is consistant.
This blew up after this past weekend my husband tried talking to his brother about it and his brother is screaming that we hate his kid and we are trying to seperate the family. His family hates conflict in general so they are all hoping it just blows over and we go back to waiting for him to grow out of it - yes they actually said this.
Of course I'm the bad guy because it's always the wifes fault blah blah blah. I don't care any more I can't sit there and watch him bully my child.
I'm all about going at a different time but now everyone is screaming that we (me) are pulling the family apart - god forbid anyone tell his brother to step up to the plate. It's everyone elses fault.
I'm a bad parent for even dealing with it this long. I'm angry at myself for doing that but I did it for my husband. I love my husbands family and spending time with them - I love my nephew I just don't love my daughter getting beat up and I don't think that's too much to ask.
I went off on a tangent. I meant to add what kind of consequences would you have for him? Would you just leave the house with your kid? I'm not sure how to handle this.
So the brother won't do anything to help discipline him but he gets angry when it's suggested he needs to be disciplined? And you're pulling the family apart because you don't like your DD being bullied? Ooookay.
Personally, I would talk to my DH if I were you and tell him either this needs to change (either your DH stays on top of the kid the whole time you're there) or you're not going any more without the other mom there. Why is it his mom only goes some of the weeks they have the dinner? Are you friendly with her? Can you just arrange with her that the weeks she'll be there, you and your DD will go, too?
Honestly, IDK how I'd discipline someone else's child. I'd want to remove him from the situation, though, which would probably mean a time out. That's tough and it sucks that his father is putting you and your DD in this situation.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Yeah basically you have the gist of it Femmegem... SIL works weekends so she can't be there all the time. We are friendly I love her she's a great person. But if I only go when she does then it's me splitting up the family etc.
I'd talk to your DH and see how he wants to handle it. But, honestly, my first reaction is to keep your DD away from that kid if he's going to hurt her and screw what the rest of the family thinks.
Again, I'm really sorry your BIL is putting you in this position. It's really sh!tty of him.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
Thats a whole nother bag of mess with my ILs. Not their fault by the way either.