Had my first therpay appt yesterday.
It was rough. I sat outside the building for 15 minutes before I even had enough willpower to walk in. It's so hard to finally admit, you have a problem. I've been on meds for 10 weeks, but we keep adjusting my dose, so I am still not feeling better.
So I got my "official" PPD and PPA diagnosis. She gave me a sleeping pill for the nights when MH is able to get up with the baby and/or the girls since at most I am getting 5 hours of sleep a night (which is broken up) I have been having horrible insomnia.
I am going to be meeting with the therapist once a week. Then going to a PPD and PPA support group once a week. I've suffered with severe anxiety since I was a child, but have never seeked treatment, so the therapist is hoping I am going to really be able to finally live my life, and feel better than I ever have. That's what is keeping me going right now. I want so badly to be normal. To love my kids. To want to spend every waking second with them. To be consistent, not full of highs and lows, or worrying about the worst case scenario at all times.
So hopefully, we are on the road to a new me. A mom my kids will be happy to have and a wife my husband will be happy to have married. And I am just hoping to be happy with me 
{Ava 5.16.06} {Ella 12.29.07} {Drew 2.9.10}
Re: Had my first therpay appt yesterday.
Congrats on starting your journey! Just don't put too much pressure on yourself--no mom needs to want to be with her kids every waking moment.
And you may be fine to get up at night even with the sleep aid. I take Trazadone and it's awesome--helps me fall asleep quickly (and fall back to sleep after feeding DD), but I easily wake up when the baby does and it doesn't make me feel groggy or out of it.
I was dx with PPD/PPA/PPOCD. My OCD is not a cleaning thing though - I can't turn my brain off. I continually think worse case scenario and then I obsess over it.
My H works 80 hours a week and I have no help - my kids are all home with me. I think that isn't helping how I am feeling.
{Ava 5.16.06} {Ella 12.29.07} {Drew 2.9.10}