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3rd Trimester
MIL vent... some advice needed...
So I have a very difficult MIL... most of the time she means well but when she decides shes going to be difficult thats that.
So the drama started with my baby shower. MIL had stated several times in front of my family that she doesn't plan baby showers. This is my Mom's first grandchild and she was super excited. As many of you know my dad passed 3.5 years ago and left us with nothing. My mom works three jobs to make ends meets so when she throws a party or buys us something it means that much more to us.
I knew nothing about my shower other than handing over a guest list. When we were creating the guest list MIL's brother was in the hospital and she was traveling back and forth over 1.5 hrs in each direction 4x a week. DH decided that he would add her guests to list instead of piling something else on his Mom's plate. Dh's family is small so he included his mom's friends who she is very close with.
I sent the list over to my Mom who ended up telling me it was a little on the big side and could we cut down the #.. so we took MIL's friends off and some of my friends. Well there was some confusion and the invites ended up going out to the big list which included MIL's friends. Well MIL threw a fit.. how dare my family not ask her who she wanted invited or ask for her help planning and this is her grandchild too.. yadda yadda yadda. DH and I got intoa huge fight over this.. I felt that my mom should be able to throw me a party w/o having to ask his mom and was being gracious to invite her and her friends.
I ended up calling my MIL and telling her that it was upsetting me and that nothing was done to intentionally hurt her feelings and for mine and DH's sake to please just go to the shower and enjoy herself. She then complained again about her friends and I told her that she had me to blame for that and that my mom didnt invite her own friends b/c she couldnt afford it and that next time id be sure to consult MIL first. The convo ended and i thought it was over with. Well at my shower MIL was completely rude to both my mom and grandmother (whose house was used) She actually went over to my mom and asked her where her friends were and when my mom responded that they weren't invited hi smother replied "oh and you had the nerve to invite mine"
I didnt speak to MIL for a week.
Two weeks ago i emailed her telling her i wanted to print labels for the birth announcements before i left work and for her to please give me a list of whom she would like to receive one. She has answered a ton of my other emails but ignored this one.
I told DH about this today.. he said that she is just going to be difficult and to just send the friends of hers whom came or sent a gift an announcement. I felt i should send to all that were invited.
Whats everyone's thoughts?!?!
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Re: MIL vent... some advice needed...
This might sound a little mean but I have zero tolerance for this kind of behavior. I too have a difficult MIL and have learned that the best way to deal with her when she's in one of her hissy fits is to be exceedingly straightforward - it's the only way to get through to her. Sounds like yours might be the same way.
Honestly I would send her an email or call her and let her know a deadline for which you need to receive her list. Let her know that if you don't receive a list from her you won't be sending any out at all (to her side) because of the incident with the shower (or if you don't think you can say that, tell her that you're going to let DH choose for her). If she knows the choices/options and doesn't do it she has no one to blame for herself and you'll walk away knowing you did everything you could to give her input.
Sorry you're having to deal with all this!
First I'd smack her upside the head and tell her to grow up. Then I would just send out announcements to the people you care about, and give her a few to send to her precious friends on her own time because you have enough to deal with, without worrying about her and her friends....but then again I'm feeling more snarky than usual today.
I am a bit confused...your MIL was mad at you for inviting her friend's to the shower? She didn't want them to be included? If that is the case, I wouldn't send any announcements to any of her friends unless she says ok.
Actually, that is mean to the friends. Send announcements to the ones that came to the shower or sent a gift.
Wowzah - to be honest, I would speak with her face to face and with DH there. Consult him first on what is going to be discussed...she`s his mom after all!
I would tell her point blank that you`re very disapointed in how she`s handling situations, and at this point in your pregnancy you need to be surrounded with love and support, not frustration and stress.
Send announcements to those that you want to receive them, and give her a stack to send to her people so that she can make sure that they all get one. I wouldn`t go out of your way to please this woman, it`s clearly a fruitless expedition!
GL!