I need advice (Long)

katieranck2202 · April 2010

Okay Girls, I need some advice and this may get a bit long.

Tim and I have been wanting to move forward with pursuing adoption in very near future by first starting with fostering in the mean time, as in start training ASAP. We really don't have the money at the moment to do start adoption, but fostering is very much a possibility. We were going to move forward with the simple Lap I have scheduled for June and then stop treatments so we can concentrate on fostering.

My struggle is now I am not so sure that I want to stop treatments. I just heard from my doc that for the second cycle in a row, the femara failed to make me ovulate. I have been on femara for more than a year and I have gotten good results from it and the doc thought it was just a matter of time now that my body was ovulating. It was because of the femara working that I decided not to do a complex Lap which would have included a Ovarian Wedge Resection (which helps if you are NOT responding to meds). Now I am doubting my decision to just do a simple Lap and move on. I am thinking that maybe I should do the complex Lap and then try at least one more cycle with the femara to see if it works, but that would bring us to at least August and Tim is impatient to start the training for foster care now.

I really thought I had moved past my desire to be pregnant and the desire to be a mother was much stronger and I know I can do that thru fostering (don't worry, we aren't taking any infants) and perhaps even adopt in a year or so. I am struggling to convince myself that I have made the right decision and I have waited long enough (as some of you have as well).

I don't know who else to turn to, to get advice from. I just want honesty and I know you gals can help me there.

greekwife05 · April 2010

I don't have any advice but I wanted to offer you (((HUGE HUGS)))

I do have a question though, is the Ovarian Wedge your talking about similar to Ovarian Drilling?

flutterby918 · April 2010

I feel like it's such a cop out for me to come in here and read this and not offer advice, but I really don't know what to tell you to do.

I guess one of my questions would be - why can't you do the lap and continue trying while training for fostering? Why would trying and doing the lap hold you up?

You and YH need to sit down and work this out and truly listen to your hearts. If you aren't ready to give up yet, you shouldn't. And he shouldn't push you to do so because it may make you resent him in the future.

I wish you luck in your decision. (((HUGS)))

Yellow_Daisy · April 2010

Well I personally think that unless you are 100% ready to foster or adopt you shouldn't do it. I think if you aren't ready then you aren't ready to give those children what they need from you as a parent because you will really be longing for a bio child.

If you do decide to move forward have you thought about foster-to-adopt? In most states you can adopt through the foster system just like traditional adoption except it costs only a couple thousand dollars (or at least that is the cost in CA). You can specify age, gender, ethnicity, etc just like any other adoption and only consider children who are available for adoption rather than kids who are only available for fostering. I just wanted to mention that because adopting through the foster system can be an affordable alternative.

theworms · April 2010

first here are some ((HUGS))

I think you know when you're ready to move forward and if you are questioning the plan you may not be ready to let go of your dream of pregnancy. I would not be able to move forward unless I felt I had done/tried everything I could.

Can you do the complex lap and still do training for foster care? Maybe compromise in the middle? Pursue the foster care and try another cycle.

I think MrsT (she had a bunch of numbers after her initials) did the ovarian wedge surgery last year and got pregnant on her own a couple of months after.

GL Katie, I wish this was all easier.

AuburnBride06 · April 2010

Well, I think that when you are ready to be done with treatments, you know it. For lack of a better way to describe it, we have become "indifferent" to pursuing treatments. It may be a bit different for us, since we have done Follistim and really, the last different option for us is IVF. My doctor does not believe that IVF is the "fix" for us, given my history, and we do not feel that investing that kind of $$$ in something that will more than likely give us the same result we've been getting. Honestly, after the November cycle that ended in a c/p, we were so over treatments. Enough is enough already, we were thinking. When we did our last cycle in feb/march, we weren't really "into" it. We weren't excited and I hardly thought about it. It ended in a c/p too.

I guess it all depends on how far you are willing to go into treatments. Are you against trying injectables? I can only give you my experience, from where I have been, and how we came to the decision to adopt. For us, we have exhausted what we are willing to do. Now, if $$$ grew on trees, we would probably try IVF, just to see what could happen. But I would still want to persue adoptioin as well. IMO, it sounds like you have not completely closed the chapter on treatments, and that you might want to exhaust some other avenues. You could always start the foster process and do treatments/surgery too.

I guess my point is that when it is time to move on, and close, at least temporarily, the chapter on your infertility treatments, I think you just know. I think Willis had a similar experience as me. You just start thinking more about adoption and those possibilities, and at least to me, treatments became more of a nuisance. I'm still early in the journey, and already getting impatient, so let's see if I'm still singing this tune further down the road, if we haven't had a match. I can say with all honesty that at this point, the stress, disapointment and really lack of hope that infertility treatment brings is not something I want to consume me anymore. The bitterness, anger and jealousy is no where near to the degree that it once was. I am not really mourning the loss of the biological connection....that's really not important to me. But am I mourning actually getting to experience a full term pregnancy and birth? Sure. I may always. But even more than that, I just want to be a mom, and treatments just don't seem to be the way god wants it to happen.

If I were you, I can say that I may do the surgery if my doctor thought it was really going to make a difference in the response, but he would really have to have a lot of belief that it would make a difference. However, logically, from what I know, after so many cycles of femera, if it hasn't worked with a response, I would find it hard to think that it will work ever. You just have to do a lot of soul searching. What does your doctor say about results after the ovarian surgery? I would honestly move on to injects, and skip the surgery, but I understand if you are not open to that. You can pursue adoption and treatments at the same time. If the surgery is the last attempt for you, and injects are off the table, then do it. That way you will know, in your heart/head, you did everything you were open to.

HTH. {{{HUGS}}}}

Sunshine05 · April 2010

flutterby918:

I guess one of my questions would be - why can't you do the lap and continue trying while training for fostering? Why would trying and doing the lap hold you up?

Ditto this, I would say to try to do both if you can. Personally I would want to know that I was done with treatments before moving on. If you still feel that nagging pull in your gut, then I would do the full lap and try for a few months and then revisit the fostering training... although I'm not sure why you can't do both at the same time. I fear that there would be some resentment of your DH if you feel like he pushed you into stopping tx before you were truly ready. This way you can be sure you're done, and truly move on if things don't work out. Best of luck with your decisions!

patchen30 · April 2010

I don't think you should feel bad doubting your decision to stop treatments. It's a big decision. I don't know your whole story, but since you're not doing any really hard-core, time-consuming treatments I don't really see why you couldn't remain on Femera while you pursue fostering? Are you seeing an RE or an Ob/Gyn? Have you discussed with your Dr. whether it's recommended to stay on Femera for a long period of time? I'm sure your Dr. knows more than I, but from what I've read Ovarian Wedge Resection is rarely used anymore, so it's probably not a bad thing that you avoided that. Have you tried met?

katieranck2202 · April 2010

I guess you gals may need a bit more background. I am seeing a NaPro doctor because we aren't going to do any IUI or IVF, so the injectables would still be used with TI, and I have been using the femara with HCG injects for about a year, and my numbers have come back great, just no pregnancy, ever. I have been on Metformin since May 2005, ever since I was diagnosed.

The Wedge Resection is kinda like ovarian drilling in which they do go in and drain the pco, but they actually remove a small piece of the ovary to shrink it back to size. It has a better response rate than regular clomid does in treatment, but since it is more expensive so most docs don't want to do it anymore.

I have been kinda numb to treatments, so I have been preparing to stop treatments and give my full attention to foster care and training (which can be done in a matter of months), but all of a sudden I am doubting myself. The foster to adopt was our first option, but we don't have the resources to do that first.

I want to give my full attention to the child that is placed with us, so we had talked about stopping treatments, just take prometrium every 45 days or so to continue to have menses and perhaps do the complex Lap for a second child once we have had a placement. I have been feeling drained and I just want to move on.

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