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Postpartum Depression
lilbugs momma
member
Ok I admit it. I am NOT super Mom.
lilbugs momma
member
Wow, I?m actually writing this out.
My struggle started the day after our beautiful princess was born. I didn?t have a traumatic birth or miserable pregnancy. I did have a long stay at the hospital after the delivery due to Strep B and LO having a high billi count. We were released 5 days after delivery. My husband was very frustrated having to stay at the hospital for the extended time; we live over 200 miles from the hospital so he stayed with me in my PP room. I felt like I didn?t have any support from him at all because he was always complaining about being at the hospital. I let him sleep during the night at the hospital and I took care of LO, he would ask to take care of her but I would feel so guilty having him missing out on some sleep. This pattern continued at home. I would stay up with her at night/day to feed her change her and caudle her. He kept asking to help me out but the more he asked the more personal I took it. I started to wonder if he thought I wasn?t cut out to be a mother- even though he never said anything to me. I was trying to do even more, clean, cook, and take care of the baby 24/7. I didn?t want anyone to help me because if someone helped me then I was defeated; I was not the perfect mother. DH would hold her and play with her but I was always close by and I always knew what was going on. One day I fell asleep on the couch while LO was napping in her PnP, and when I woke up DH was holding her and feeding her( LO was about 7 weeks). I immediately panicked. I took the bottle examined it, asked DH question after question regarding how he made her bottle, and then I took her to finish her feeding. After about 2 minutes feeding her DH asked me if I was O.K. I started to ball and it was the first time I was honest with myself and I blurted out ?NO.?
The next day I called my OB, he set up an appointment with a PPD/A specialist. I had my first appointment with her last Wednesday and Yesterday I had my second. I have PPD and PP related OCD. She slapped me back into reality- nobody is perfect, nobody is ?super mom.? I am finally ok admitting that I cannot be supermom, but I can be a super mother to my baby; that all my overacting and compulsions were defeating my own task at being a great mother. That all my efforts were wasted because they were not with true intent for my baby- but for my pride. My DH wants to help us be a family, not tell me how to be a mother. It?s going to take some baby steps but I?m willing to give up some of the control of trying to be supermom (medication in hand.) I?m actually looking forward to my next appointment on Wednesday. She gave me a challenge of going on a date with DH baby free? that?s going to be rough.
Thank you to all that read this. I know it was more like babbling- but I feel a weight off my shoulders just typing it out. Thank you again ladies.
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Re: Ok I admit it. I am NOT super Mom.
Hugs to you!
I also have PPOCD. I'm here if you want to commiserate. :-)
AW Thanks! recently I've been lurking over here and all of your stories and posts have given me some much needed inspiration.
What things are you compulsive about relating to your baby?
I hope you start to feel better soon!