XP: End date?? (long)

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

I posted this on Trouble TTC and then felt like a jerk once I had some responses about those who didn't even have 1 child. I thought it would be better to post here. Hangs head in shame...

Back story: DH and I have been TTC since I had Mirena removed in April 09. At cycle 7, I had my progesterone checked and I hadn't Oed that month. I am pretty sure I had months prior because I was charting.

I was put on 50mg Clomid for the next 4 months with successful ovulation but no pregnancy. During those 4 months had a clear HSG and DH's sperm got a good bill of health. On the 4th Clomid cycle we did IUI. That was our 11th cycle. BFN. We took the next cycle off. I needed a break. We started back cycle 13, no meds, no charting, no opks. BFN. Now finishing up AF beginning cycle 14.

So my question was, have any of you set an end date? Meaning, if we aren't pregnant by X year, X amount of months, X money spent, etc we are officially done TTC.

DH and I have one child together (preg on 2nd try) and he has a DD from a previous relationship. He is content with his 2 girls. I want another. So to compromise we agreed if we weren't pregnant by December 2010 then we would be done. I only have 7ish months left and am feeling very anxious.

I just wondered if I was the only one. TIA.

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

I saw some responses from one of the posts below on a very similar topic. No need to repeat, unless you want too...

hoping4more · April 2010

I don't think anyone on the other board was rude or anything, I don't think you offended too badly. Chin up!

We sort of have an end date. We are calling the shots as we go, but if we are still unsuccessful by next January/February we will be applying for domestic adoption. We may or may not try while we are waiting to be matched. That depends on money and how sick I am of treatments.

We were actually just talking about this last night. We are willing to try the protocol I am starting this month 3 times (if I have a decent response) then injectables 3-5 times, and will then do adoption. We are thinking we do not want to do IVF unless the price drops significantly.

firsttogo · April 2010

I did not have an end date in mind. I needed to feel like no perminant decisions were made so I did not dive off in to the deep!

One thing I have learned about myself through our IF battle is to take things as they come. I can have a plan, but that plans are fluid.

If you feel you need a date to stop all teatment, than set one you can settle with. You can also say that if you are not pg by this date, you will be taking a break for X amount of time.

I am sorry you are struggling.

franciscaz · April 2010

We had an end of treatment options. We could only do maybe 2 IUI + Injectibles b/c we were OOP and that was our financial limit. Personally I couldn't do a "date" deadline b/c it takes time to try new things and get a proper diagnoses.

Personally it sounds like your DH is being a touch selfish. I would talk to him and ask him if you could try some different treatment goals and when they are exhausted than maybe stop. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Please feel welcome to talk with us about anything, our made is here for women just like you.

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

Thanks ladies. I didn't receive even one rude comment on the other board. I just felt bad for complaining when I do have a child and others don't. That's all.

Bottom line; I had to convince DH to continue to try after a year. He felt like we tried for a year and it didn't happen. We gave it our best shot. He saw the tole it was taking on me emotionally. I guess you could say, he tried to put his foot down. So we took the next month off. I thought I could find a way to be done but I just couldn't yet. So we agreed on December.

Uuuugh!! Why does this have to be so hard!?!?!

firsttogo · April 2010

You could tell him that many women need to try for a year before getting pregnant without even being considered as having fert issues.... (not that I believe you can't seek help sooner) but that could help him see that a year is normal.. now you are putting effort in to it!

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

*francisca*:

We had an end of treatment options. We could only do maybe 2 IUI + Injectibles b/c we were OOP and that was our financial limit. Personally I couldn't do a "date" deadline b/c it takes time to try new things and get a proper diagnoses.

Personally it sounds like your DH is being a touch selfish. I would talk to him and ask him if you could try some different treatment goals and when they are exhausted than maybe stop. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. Please feel welcome to talk with us about anything, our made is here for women just like you.

You nailed it on the head and I know this. He feels like we have the perfect little family right now and we do. But one more just makes it MORE perfect. He feels if we stop we can begin enjoying travel with the girls, buy them all they want and be financially pretty comfortable. If we have one more it won't be that way. I say I don't care. I want another baby. We won't, by any means, starve with 3 kids. hahahah! Men....

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

firsttogo:
You could tell him that many women need to try for a year before getting pregnant without even being considered as having fert issues.... (not that I believe you can't seek help sooner) but that could help him see that a year is normal.. now you are putting effort in to it!

He knows that is normal but I think the problem lies that we got pregnant so quick with DD. We have agreed to take it easy until August and just enjoy the summer. If we aren't pregnant by then we will begin a more aggressive route....for the next 4 months...gulp.

BUT, I think I may put a call in to have CD21 bw done this month. This will be my 3rd cycle off Clomid and if I am not Oing on my own all the sex in the world won't get me pregnant. So I just need to find out.

MandyMilller · April 2010

soon2Bmrs.AGEE:

Thanks ladies. I didn't receive even one rude comment on the other board. I just felt bad for complaining when I do have a child and others don't. That's all.

I know what you mean... I feel bad even posting over there most of the time b/c I have my DD in my signature!

queenbone · April 2010

I have set end dates, which were enrollment dates for the adoption agency. If my first inj cycle hadn't worked I would have only had one more chance at it before the May enrollment. I was debating whether I should start then or wait until I was officially 35 in November. I think it is natural to set dates and then extend them once they approach. But for me, it was always helpful to have a date where I could try something else.

You can always change your mind in December if you feel like it I vowed I'd never do injectables! HA!

JMay · April 2010

We have a date - one year from now. It will actually be May or July 2011. My birthday is in June, and for various reasons (family history), it's the reason for the deadline. So, I figured I'd set and end date of just before or just after, so that my birthday won't suck if I'm not PG. That date will represent about 2 and a half years of ttc. (We're not doing anything medically beyond Clomid) I didn't think I'd get so close to the deadline without being PG, so being one year away from done is freaky. I can imagine it's not much easier to deal with 7 months out. Although the anxiety probably won't help things much...

IMO, I think we have to work on making peace with the possibility that it may never happen, BEFORE we are out of time/options. For the sake of sanity, and so we are able to enjoy life in the moment. You are going to have sucky moments and bad days, but for me, I had to do my best to let go. Again - some days are better than others, but that's the idea anyway!

Big Smile

soon2Bmrs.AGEE · April 2010

I think today was one of those days for me...

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