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How do you handle back talk?

WBs_BrideWBs_Bride member
in Parenting
Besides using a back-hand---kidding, kidding!!! MLM's post below reminded me about this. DD (4yo--surprise!) has an answer for everything. She has a comeback for virtually every request or thing you say. The sass is driving me insane. What do you do? Punish or time-out every time? Ignore? Correct? I usually just ask her to please don't talk back to me (or others) because it's not nice. I always praise her hugely when she agrees to something without a fuss or comment, but I think I need to start changing my approach because the behavior sure isn't changing the way I'd like it to.
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Re: How do you handle back talk?

  • mlm1128mlm1128

    I have to say, it used to really piss me off.  But I have since adopted the idea that if I act like she must be kidding, she actually stops.  I play it off like "Well, aren't we full of opinions today" and she will laugh and start talking normal.

    Punishment does not work for my kid.  It never has.  I have to be creative in how I deal with it.

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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    I use reward charts for good behavior.  And I make them say it nicely if they want something from me.  If they act demanding or sass me, they are corrected very matter of fact like, but I don't make a huge issue out of it.  I can tell that DS is just trying things on for size to see what he can get away with.  So, i don't take it personally (sometimes I'm cracking up inside), I just tell him that's not the way we do it.
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • ilovemygirlsilovemygirls member

    I had a post yesterday along these lines re: my 5yo but unfortunately only got one response/idea.  I'm needing some creative ideas for the sass/ backtalk my DD is throwing these days. At home we generally follow 1-2-3 Magic for any unwanted behavior, but that's just not working, nor is taking things away- which used to work.  We also highly praise her when we see the behavior we DO want.  I've tried rewards too but those don't seem to be working for any length of time. My biggest concern is that she does it with my parents, who watch her part time.

    One thing she's been talking about recently is wanting to get some of her own $$ out of her bank acct to buy something.  Someone suggested a reward chart for the good behavior so she can ultimately do that.  I'm also thinking of having her take her own $$ to "pay" my parents when she has a sassy day w/them (they would never actually spend the $$, but I'm thinking the act of taking responsibility for her own behavior might work).  Hoping you get some more response on this!

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  • melmaxmelmax
    My kid is a lot like MLM's.  Although I still use TO's every once in a while, they don't generally work for us. So, like mlm mentioned, I have to be creative. Sometimes (as mush as I HATE ignoring it) the behavior extinguishes immediately b/c she is garnering no attention from it.  She's headstrong, so engaging in a battle of wills usually backfires on me.
    Melanie ~Ava Grace 7.20.06 & Lila Jane 7.22.09~ m/c #3 6/18/08 image
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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    imageilovemygirls:

    I had a post yesterday along these lines re: my 5yo but unfortunately only got one response/idea.  I'm needing some creative ideas for the sass/ backtalk my DD is throwing these days. At home we generally follow 1-2-3 Magic for any unwanted behavior, but that's just not working, nor is taking things away- which used to work.  We also highly praise her when we see the behavior we DO want.  I've tried rewards too but those don't seem to be working for any length of time. My biggest concern is that she does it with my parents, who watch her part time.

    One thing she's been talking about recently is wanting to get some of her own $$ out of her bank acct to buy something.  Someone suggested a reward chart for the good behavior so she can ultimately do that.  I'm also thinking of having her take her own $$ to "pay" my parents when she has a sassy day w/them (they would never actually spend the $$, but I'm thinking the act of taking responsibility for her own behavior might work).  Hoping you get some more response on this!

    I have friends that use a quarter jar.  I guess they have behaviors that are acceptable and ones that are not.  For good behavior, they get a quarter in their jar.  For bad, they give a quarter.  That might work for you.  My kids love stickers and suckers, so that works well for us. 

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • WBs_BrideWBs_Bride member
    Thanks for the ideas! My kid is like MLM and Melmax's--very headstrong and punishments are sometimes more of a production to deal with than the actual behavior. I swear she gets so insane when put in TO it's almost worse than the behavior itself. I have been thinking about a reward chart or other system because we have a few things we need to be working on (the sass, being nicer to her little sister). And, Ilovemygirls, she does the same thing to my parents (they watch her p/t too)--KILLS me.
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  • Jodi&JoeJodi&Joe

    they usually get to back talk twice....that's how long it takes for me to register that they are back talking and then, I repeat my sentence with "Period. End of story!"  If they start talking again, I say "Period. End of story!" even louder, over them.  They get the hint.

    And for some reason, this is the one area that my kids DON'T keep pushing me.  Maybe because I have always held firm on it?!?!?  I don't know....but if they get the "period. end of story" talk/look, they usually stop.

    If, in the rare instance, it does continue....they get a time out in their room.  You don't talk to momma (or daddy) like that!  :)

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  • meagsmeags
    imageJodi&Joe:

    they usually get to back talk twice....that's how long it takes for me to register that they are back talking and then, I repeat my sentence with "Period. End of story!"  If they start talking again, I say "Period. End of story!" even louder, over them.  They get the hint.

    And for some reason, this is the one area that my kids DON'T keep pushing me.  Maybe because I have always held firm on it?!?!?  I don't know....but if they get the "period. end of story" talk/look, they usually stop.

    If, in the rare instance, it does continue....they get a time out in their room.  You don't talk to momma (or daddy) like that!  :)

    This is similar to what we do.  If DS talks back, I'll say "excuse me?" in a tone of voice that implies "I know exactly what you said, but I'd give you one chance to think about whether or not you really want to go down that road with me".  He usually changes gears.  If he continues the backtalk, he goes to his room for a timeout. 


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  • Dougsgirl4everDougsgirl4ever member
    imagemeags:
    imageJodi&Joe:

    This is similar to what we do.  If DS talks back, I'll say "excuse me?" in a tone of voice that implies "I know exactly what you said, but I'd give you one chance to think about whether or not you really want to go down that road with me".  He usually changes gears.  If he continues the backtalk, he goes to his room for a timeout. 


    This is what I do too.
    image
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