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3rd Trimester
If your parents smoke in their house, do you go there?
My dad really p'd me off yesterday. I invited my mom over for dinner, and she asked that I go there instead with my ds, because my brother is leaving for 6 months, so she wanted me to say bye to him. My dad cooked dinner. Anyway, my dad smokes up in his room, and not too much downstairs, but when I walked in, I could totally smell the smoke, so I opened the windows. I know it's his house, but I think it's rude and selfish even so, because my mom doesn't smoke, and she's exposed to secondhand all the time. They don't seem to think it's a big deal, even my mom. What I find absolutely rude is the fact that I'm going over there pregnant to inhale that crap, and my ds also. I was really p'd with my dad, and I've asked him over and over again to stop doing it, as a. my mom doesn't smoke, and she shouldn't be subjected to that, and b. if you want your pregnant daughter and 2 year old grandson to visit, maybe you should be lighting up outdoors. Am I unreasonable? It makes me incensed, because he's always like "ok yeah you're right" but continues to do it. Ugh! I just want to scream typing this out. It takes not even a minute to go outside to light up.
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Re: If your parents smoke in their house, do you go there?
That would upset me as well. It never ceases to amaze me that despite all the research and evidence supporting how awful it is to inhale 2nd hand smoke people, especially family, refuse to be considerate.
My parents don't seem to realize that the smoke is all in their clothing, hair, and on their breath. It is disgusting, and I have told them that they will be changing clothing or covering with a thick blanket when they hold my DD. They agreed, but I'm sure they won't oblige. After all, they can't smell it.
Ya, I can definitely see how they would be offended. My mom seemed "okay" about it, but still offended. Personally, the health of my baby is more important than someone's addiction. So even if they get offended, oh well. They can't argue that it's not as bad or whatever. It's been proven time and again the health risks.
I think I am going to talk to my parents about trying to quit. It's something they have been wanting forever, but have never actually been able to do. I think a new baby in the family is a great reason to try.
That is so sad that it is coming between relationships. I know it's a hard situation, since it is their home. But I would definitely explain the reason why we don't visit.
My parents don't smoke in the house, but DH's grandma does. We've already decided that if she want to visit the baby she'll have to come to DH's parents house. I don't see her changing, as she is 75. But we can lay down rules on our part.
Good luck!
My parents smoke, and I go there, but I dno't live there any more and it's my choice (although very rude still). I open their windows and air out the house when I get there before they get home from work or wherever they are. I crank the heat if it's cold out and shut them all as soon as I see their car on the road.
However... my friend's mother was just diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer... she's never smoked a day in her life... but her dad does. She will likely not make it to the 2 year mark, and her 5 year survival is under 30%. She is starting chemotherapy next Monday. She has masses in her lymphatic system that they aren't even calculating into her prognosis. Now my friend's dad is kicking himself in the a$$, depressed as all hell, thinking he's caused all of this for her (which technically, he has). The guilt, the emotional pain, the physical pain that her mom is about to go through, is running rampant in her family right now. No one should be subjected to cigarette smoke if they are not smokers themselves. EVER.
This. As your daughter, you can show concern for their health, but at the end of the day it's their house. Just tell them that if they want to see your kids, they'll have to come over to your house and see them.
I think that what happens at your parents home is between them and only them. It's their home.
You, however, can control your environment. Don't go over there if you don't like it. Insist they come to your place or that you meet on neutral ground.
My husband's grandma smokes and she always asks me why I don't go over there more often. Maybe I should just say it is because she smokes. I could stand it for a little bit when I wasn't pregnant, but since my nose is so strong it is suffocating so I have barely been there throughout this pregnancy! Of course she never comes over here, so we will have to take the baby over to her house. If she lights a cigarette while my baby is inside I am going to walk out the door! My MIL has severe asthma and that doesn't even stop her from lighting up, so MIL barely goes there either.
I agree. Your parents are adults and they should be able to do what they want in their own home. You only have control over YOUR actions, so if you don't like it, don't go over to their house.
Eleanor Noelle - 18/05/12 Claire Elisabeth - 16/-5/10
My parents are smokers/ We live about a 4-5 hour drive from them so visits are not often and when they do happen we are there for a while, sometimes over night. Obviously that will be more so the case once we have a child to haul on that long drive. They try really hard to be considerate when we are there - open windows (as weather allows), run air cleaner/purifiers, burn scented candles, etc. Once I was pregnant they made a pretty good point to not smoke around me - they either limit smoking to outside (again, weather permitting) or only down in their basement if weather is bad. So I feel like I can't complain too much about their nasty habit sicne they try - even though the smell is still there in spite of all their efforts.
This is a constant issue between me and DH; no one in his family smokes at all. He hates it and never wants to visit or spend much time there - not because he doesn't like my family, just the smell. I always feel put in a difficult position because while I agree with DH that it is nasty and I hate it and wish my parents would quit, I also appreciate that my parents do make some real effort to be considerate of us as non-smokers. I do wish they would just quit though so it woul dno longer be an issue and make visiting.staying with them so much easier on me.