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Parenting after a Loss
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can i ask a tough question?

renee143renee143 member
in Parenting after a Loss

hi ladies.  i hope you will forgive my intrusion.  i am a labor doula, and next month i will be supporting a mom who had a stillbirth two years ago.  we have discussed it at length, and i have read and talked to doulas who have been in this position.  i just want to be the absolute BEST support i can be for this woman.  can any of you give me some insight on any aspect of your pregnancy/labor/birth after a stillbirth that you think would be helpful?

i think our mantra if things get scary for her will be, "this is [insert baby's name]'s birth."  just to gently remind her that this is another baby, another birth.  i've used it a lot with moms who have had past traumatic births.

anyway, i'd appreciate any thoughts you want to share.  i so want this mom to have the most amazing experience she can.

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Re: can i ask a tough question?

  • knortonknorton

    I have no experience with a still birth. My heart goes out to any mother that has experienced that pain.

    I did have a traumatic birth due to placental abruption, and I am petrified of losing this baby due to abruption. I think your idea of saying "This is 'baby's name' birth"....would be very helpful. 

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  • jen-dalejen-dale member
    I don't have any advice for you as my losses were early, but I wanted to commend you for coming here. There are several ladies who will have advice for you.
    Oct 2008 m/c #1 5 weeks, May 2009 m/c #2 4w5d. BFP 6/23/09 EDD 3/8/10!
    You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. -Eleanor Roosevelt
    After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.

    Round 1: Femara + Ovidrel +TI = BFP! EDD 2/20/12
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  • shihtzumommashihtzumomma member
    imagerenee143:

    i think our mantra if things get scary for her will be, "this is [insert baby's name]'s birth."  just to gently remind her that this is another baby, another birth.  i've used it a lot with moms who have had past traumatic births.

    I think this is a good plan.

    My situation was different. My baby was stillborn, but he was very premature and I knew that he was gone for two days before the induction.

    I hope all goes well during this birth. My thoughts are with this mother.

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  • BeckyS1211BeckyS1211
    I agree with Shitzu, as Noah was delivered stillborn at 22w.  I think since the circumstances of both deliveries were so incredibly different, I didn't really have a difficult time.  However my 22nd week of pregnancy with Carson I was a wreck.  Unless her babe was closer to fullterm, maybe it won't be so traumatic?  You are so thoughtful to think about these things : )
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  • TheEnglishgirlTheEnglishgirl

    I am sorry I have no advice for you as I have not experienced this kind of loss. You could page coolteacher on here, she lost her first born Isaac. She is the kindest lady and I am sure could offer some advice as she just had her second baby, a girl.

    Good luck and I hope she does have an amazing experience welcoming her baby into the world. 

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