Daycare and in-laws

msnehz · April 2010

I'm deciding on what to do. The daycare we visited is on our way to work and really close to work. I can drop in and see my 5 month old whenever or even BF her during my lunchbreak. But she will be with other infants and have to wait her turn to be taken care of.

With my MIL, she'll get all the attention she need and of course MIL is family. BUT, MIL is in the opposite direction of our way to work. it will add 40 minutes to our commute in the morning and the afternnon (80 mins total each day). LO would not be able to see us a lot longer during the day. We would have to drop her off really early and pick her up a lot later.

I thought about doing a combo of both but I heard that it's not good to have different caregivers for infants. Anyone doing a combo of both or had to make a similar decision?

Maybride2 · April 2010

I'm biased because I would prefer a daycare over a grandparent any day..........but that extra hour and 20 minutes a day that you'll be spending on the road will get old, super fast.

I hate that I have as long of a commute as I currently do, but it's necessary. I wouldn't voluntarily add more time to my commute if I didn't have to. That time spent in the car is less time you have to live your life.

august06mom · April 2010

That's just way too much extra driving for me. I'd maybe do it one or two days a week if you have a great relationship with your MIL. This way your DD could have some extra grandparent time. But I couldn't do that 5 days a week -- I agree with the pp -- it will get old fast.

EastCoastBride · April 2010

Well, for one, that's just too much driving for me! My parents watch DS 2 days a week and they come and pick him up. It's the only way it would work for me.

that being said - your baby will get used to whatever schedule you have. Want to know DS's schedule?

Every week he is w/ my parents W/Th (no matter what, they want to watch him every week. They just enjoy it so much)

Then, because of DH's schedule, every 2 out of 3 weeks, DS is w/ a nanny on M/T and a different sitter on F. The 3rd week, he is w/ my DH those 3 days.

It's worked since he was 3 months old. And I like to believe that it's helped make him pretty flexible and he doesn't get too freaked out about new environments. All our caregivers keep him on the same schedule - though. That IS important to me!

July_2009 · April 2010

Have you thought about how you would manage your time off if LO falls sick at DC? If you have back up care with in-laws, then I would say go for DC. For me personally, I always prefer family over DC any day. But that is a luxury that I do not have.

august06mom · April 2010

EastCoastBride:

Well, for one, that's just too much driving for me! My parents watch DS 2 days a week and they come and pick him up. It's the only way it would work for me.

that being said - your baby will get used to whatever schedule you have. Want to know DS's schedule?

Every week he is w/ my parents W/Th (no matter what, they want to watch him every week. They just enjoy it so much)

Then, because of DH's schedule, every 2 out of 3 weeks, DS is w/ a nanny on M/T and a different sitter on F. The 3rd week, he is w/ my DH those 3 days.

It's worked since he was 3 months old. And I like to believe that it's helped make him pretty flexible and he doesn't get too freaked out about new environments. All our caregivers keep him on the same schedule - though. That IS important to me!

Yes, I meant to comment about that. My DS had a very non-traditional schedule until he was almost 3. Some days he went to an in-home. Some days I stayed home with him. Some days he went to a family member. And he is an extremely flexible kid. I'm not sure if it's because of that, but it's worked out very well for us. Now he goes to a center PT, and he made the switch with no problem.

doggirl · April 2010

I would not want to do that commute at all.

We paid for FT daycare for LO but I stayed home one day and he went to MIL's one day. It was really a disaster for us. It caused me extra stress packing all of his stuff for MIL's one day, he never got into any kind of routine there since it was only one day, and it seemed like she didn't do a good job of communicating with me which caused a lot of strain in what was a great relationship between MIL and myself pre-LO.

I also visited him at daycare almost every day at lunch and BF him and that really helped my days go by fast.

mclaugaa · April 2010

I vote for DC

jlw2505 · April 2010

For me, I would do daycare hands down. I am one that strongly believes grandparents should be grandparents and not daycare providers. In an emergency and on occasion go, for it, but not as part of the everyday thing. On top of that, I would so not add that much of a commute to my schedule and have my child in the car that much. From my experience, both of my girls got excellent care and they started at 12 and 10 weeks and love school and learn and get so much out of being around all the other kids and they never had to wait for attention for anything like that. They were loved and cared for and treated amazing well and even as infants, did things that helped them develop and learn.

SeattleMegan · April 2010

We do a combo - DC 3 days/week, ILs 1 day/week. However, ILs live very close to us so it's not an inconvenience at all. I personally couldn't handle an extra 40 minutes added onto my commute each way. Would they compromise and either pick DD up or drop her off on the day(s) they watch her?

Mr.&MrsS · April 2010

I would personally do the day care.

But if you want to do a combo I think it would be fine for your LO. When DS1 was a baby he went to a day care center 3 days a week, was with DH one day a week and with me 1 day a week. Then both DH and I on the weekends. He did just fine that way.

Bella427 · April 2010

I vote daycare. Your DD will be taken care of. It's not like she has to take a number at the deli.

The ratios are low for infants and she'll get lots of attention at a good center. That kind of commute isn't worth it to me. Plus you pay daycare and can be somewhat demanding. It's harder to be demanding with grandparents.

jenn_darrin1515 · April 2010

I would vote dc for the commute and the fact that you can drop in and see your LO every day on lunch...that is HUGE...howver if you wanted to give your ILs one day a week and dc the rest I am sure that would be just fine too...kids are more adaptable than you think...I just wouldn't go every other day changing the schedule (i.e. daycare m-w and ils th-f would work...but not m-w/f and t-th....but that's me)

carimeli · April 2010

I would choose DC. My DD is about a 1 minute drive from our house and I still feel like I barely see her in the mornings and evenings. Maybe you could keep the IL's as a backup plan for when LO can't go to DC.

GLynn2009 · April 2010

DC and use MIL for backup. We use MIL for pick-up and they both love it. I would not want the longer drive.

Sharon&Paul · April 2010

I would actually go against popular opinion. We have a combination. I work 4 days. My mother watches two half days and she goes to DC in the afternoon. MIL watches two full days. She has gotten to spend great quality time with both GMs.

Recently, my MIL had hip surgery, so we put her in DC for 4 days a week. it has been miserable. She now says "no like school". I am looking forward to another month when My MIL will start watching her again. This is th best set-up for us. It also adds 40 minutes onto my DH's commute. However, the DC is 20 minutes away as well.

xmasbabymama · April 2010

I would do a combo. And I would ask MIL if she could come here or split the commute - maybe you drop off and she picks up. I like the structure of daycare and exposure to different caregivers and I would not want grandparents to be primary caregivers. Plus I don't think my MIL would follow my directives if she was doing it full time. But I think both MIL and DD would benefit from regular time together and I would support that.

Mini_Mariah · April 2010

I don't think I'd be willing to add that additional commute time each day. Would they be willing to drive LO one way (i.e., come pick him up in the morning, and you pick him up after work)?

I prefer the structure and stimulation of daycare over family - but that's mainly because I don't agree with the parenting styles of my in-laws. My mom is awesome, but my dad spoils DD silly so I couldn't leave LOs with them daily. A big question for me in the decision is will MIL care for LO according to your guidance?

I don't think it would be a problem to do a combo of daycare/family, as long as you have a schedule you stick to each week. LOs are fine doing daycare M-F and home with parents on weekends, so I think they'd handle another phase in the schedule (two or three days with ILs) just fine.

Court_1234 · April 2010

Can MIL go to your house, maybe even only a couple times a week?

My vote is for the Day Care, you get to see LO mid-day and have that much more time together without the 80 minutes of driving.

KeriMac · April 2010

My LO has always had a "mixed" schedule. She currently goes to a cousins 3 days a week and my neighbor watches her in my home 2 days. That has become her "routine". If that works for you, I say do it!!

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