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TTC after 35
frustrated, feel like DH is not on the same page
I'll be 36 in August, he's 36 now, we are newlyweds and trying to start a family. However I am getting a TON of pushback on doing the BD ED and even EOD. DH tells me he feels pressured, thinks that I just want to be pg because so many of my friends are, that it's taking the fun out of it, that we shouldn't be rushing, etc. Rushing? Dude we are 36!! Clock is ticking! I backed off from ED BD and said EOD would be fine, but now I am wondering why doesn't my husband WANT to BD ED, or at least TRY to BD ED? Granted, we were never ones to do it ED before we were married, but it's not like I am asking him to extract a tooth every, but to get laid! He claims he's just too tired to put forth a good effort every day and feels like in his mind, he needs a day in between to recharge "the boys". UGHHH!!!! end rant.
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Re: frustrated, feel like DH is not on the same page
I think this is a pretty common reaction with men - somehow I think it makes them feel used. Alot of Drs recommend EOD anyway so why not try it for a few months. 36 is not so old...said by the almost 40 year old
I also think men just don't have all the information about conception and thye really don't understand how hard it is. Good luck - hopefully he'll start enjoying it!
I concur with both of these points. DH just doesn't have it in him to do it ED. That being said, he also didn't fully understand our IF issues for a very long time. He's much more educated about it now and finally "gets" that the IF issue is on my side, it's my crusty, old eggs, and we could BD all day long, every day and I probably wouldn't get KU. Knowing that made him much more open to IF treatments.
Good luck to you!
Ditto what everyone else said.
There are guys who are fine with things like, "Hey, Babe. I'm ovulating about now. Don't make any plans tonight!" But I'm not married to one of them, either.
EOD is just fine, though. And it's actually better if you've got any sort of sperm issues, per my RE (former RE?).
How long have you been trying? If only a few months...I'd tend to be on his side. On my last pregnancy (ended in m/c) at 37, we only BD once during the week of O. Since my m/c I have started with the philosophy that we must BD EOD and I think it added stress to the BFNs each month - for each of us.
I am not married to one either and my husband is pretty young (30).
EOD is good though, especially if you are close or on your O day. I've heard that if there are sperm issues EOD is better than ED. Also, I've read and been told by my Dr it's best to have sex one or two days before ovulation because you don't know exactly what time you will ovulate so even if you have sex on your ovulation day you may miss it the crucial moment.
It's frustrating though. I think my husband finally gets it (after 2.5 years
) and he is more open to me saying 'we need to do it on this and that day'. Of course, that could have more to do with the money we are spending on injections.
I know my DH definitely feels used. I mean after a while, it's hard to make it feel sexy and fun.
and, honestly, my DH (who's 42) literally doesn't have it in him to do ED. if we do 3 days in a row, it's a HUGE deal.
that said, EOD is totally fine. and if it helps your DH feel better about (or more comfortable with) the process, that's a good thing.
good luck!
DH and I have had our biggest fights over when to start TTC. I wanted to start earlier in case something was wrong, m/c, etc. and he wanted to wait until we had a house. Men have the hardest time sometimes realizing what a huge miracle it is to get pregnant - all of the things that have to happen in order to have a BFP are mind-boggling. Hang in there!