The dreaded Mother's Day... Anyone else's MIL in action yet?

lmdbww · April 2010

Ok, first of all, this is just a vent, so no flames. I mean, I realize i'm not the only Mother in the world, or in DH's life for that matter, but she already had to call and "reserve" DH for Mother's day? Before we could discuss what we wanted to do as a family or before he could even think about planning something special for me. Thanks a lot, MIL.

She called him yesterday to ask him if he decided what he was doing yet? He said no, not yet, it's a month away. I guess she made breakfast reservations for herself and her mom and wanted him to go with and then do something after (I forget what). Which is fine, but she 100% outright excluded me, and then got mad when DH said he wasn't bringing DD with?

Well wtf? So I guess I should just spend my mother's day sitting alone at home? Yeah cause that sounds special. I definitely did not expect to be invited, because she has excluded me from every single mother's day since DH and I started dating, even when I wanted to go with.

Vent over.

star173 · April 2010

What the hell? No flames here. I'm sorry, but spending some time with your mom is fine on mother's day, but you guys are a family unit now. Why would she think that your DAUGHTER would be without you on mother's day. Dh, DD, and I all do things with both families...honestly, I wouldn't like what you're describing. And personally, if my family did that to dh, I'd be pissed and not even want to spend time with them.

christine52078 · April 2010

That would make me really upset too! Maybe your DH could go out to breakfast but then tell his mom that he is doing something special for you with DD and himself. This is exactly why we do our visiting the day before mothers day to my mom's and my inlaws. That way we have mothers day to do something as a family.

aew82 · April 2010

Sounds like my DH's mom. She calls DH ahead of time with a list of possible gifts he should get for her. Last year it was diamonds.

lmdbww · April 2010

christine52078:
That would make me really upset too! Maybe your DH could go out to breakfast but then tell his mom that he is doing something special for you with DD and himself. This is exactly why we do our visiting the day before mothers day to my mom's and my inlaws. That way we have mothers day to do something as a family.

We did this last year and MIL got pissed off. Which is why she called him so early ahead of time, so she could "intercept" any plans that we would have had for ourselves.

bieanca · April 2010

This!

KathrynMD · April 2010

your husband should have said no - that you all hadn't decided what you were doing yet.

also - what's the backstory? do you not see your MIL?

Printergirl · April 2010

No flames from me - I'd be pissed! Sorry, MIL may be DH's mom but you are his baby's mom. Mother's day has been about her for the last 30 years of his life, it's about you (and her too) now.

Since DH and I have been together I've gotten her mother's day presents/cards/etc. EVERY year. Last year, my first year as a mom she didn't even acknowldege the day as something new and special for me. My mom sent me a card/gift and then sent DH a card as well. MIL - nothing. So, really, for her the day is about her boys making sure their mom gets presents.

I told DH this year he's in charge of his mom's present. I made sure she had a damn good birthday present even after she gave me 'tummy sucking tank tops' for mine. He can find something for his mommy that she'll like, wrap it, ship it and do all the stuff that I normally do. This holiday is now about me, thank you very much!

christine52078 · April 2010

lmdbww:

christine52078:
That would make me really upset too! Maybe your DH could go out to breakfast but then tell his mom that he is doing something special for you with DD and himself. This is exactly why we do our visiting the day before mothers day to my mom's and my inlaws. That way we have mothers day to do something as a family.

We did this last year and MIL got pissed off. Which is why she called him so early ahead of time, so she could "intercept" any plans that we would have had for ourselves.

I don't know if we made MIL mad, she didn't seem to be. I know that my mom was fine with it, she wanted my first mothers day to be a special one. You would think that your MIL would be happy that you guys took a special day out to spend with her, even if it was the day before. You think she would understand that you are a mom too now. Good luck on that front. I really think that you should ask DH to maybe say something in your defense.

Quazel · April 2010

For the life of me I can not understand why you would be excluded. Doesn't she want to spend her mother's day with the other important Moms in her life, including her grandbaby's mom? I think your DH should say "This is MOTHER'S Day, I want to spend it with the important Moms in my life, especially my DD's mother! WE would love to join you."

If she says no for any reason then oh well, I guess she doesn't get to see her son either.

EastCoastBride · April 2010

Your DH's focus needs to be on you. He can still acknowledge Mothers Day for his mom - but you're the "new" mom, I feel the day should be more about you.

And if this breakfast then hanging out w/ her means you're home alone and you're getting nothing special.... uh uh. Not cool at all.

superherostocker · April 2010

Last year my hubby also told his mom that we would celebrate with her the day before. I could tell she was mad and upset but he was firm and told her mothers day was for me and she didn't say anything. It was a take it or leave it deal and she knew it.

peapine · April 2010

Sounds like we have similar MILs. I was going to post a similar mother's day vent, but decided against it. But.....since you posted, I am going to share my story .

Last Mother's day- which was my first one AND our 5 year anniversary (we got married Mother's Day weekend). I had to "share" with MIL because she gave my DH a guilt trip and said she didnt want to be alone. BS, because her hubbie could have taken her out and she also has another son in the area. All I wanted was a quiet weekend to celebrate our anniversary and my first Mother's day. But instead I had to drag myself and DD 1 hour away to have dinner with them.

This year, I got smart and beat her to the punch. Let me preface and say she is a huge attention whore and she has her whole family wrapped around her fingers. everything HAS to be her way. The one year we couldnt celebrate july 4th with them, she didnt talk to DH for 2 months. So, this year, she got FIL to do the dirty work. He made reservations for the whole family for brunch at 2pm on Mother's Day aready!!!! sent the reservations receipt to his DH and said simply- "please put on your calendar". WTF??? But I got smart this year and a month ago suggest we stay in the city for the weekend with DD and go to the city zoo - celebrate our anniversary, DD turnin 1.5 years, and Mother's Day. So essentially, his family cant interfere. We can never do anything alone- they interefere for every occasion. holidays are just a nightmare. But, I was pretty proud of this move So DH had to tell hid dad, sorry we cant go. HAHAHA.

Plus, DD naps at 2pm. Not exactly considerate, but I am not surprised. So completley rude and presumptuous that we wouldnt have plans of our OWN???

miss.jess · April 2010

Sorry that she is doing that.

We for the most part have spent Mother's Day with DH's mom but I am always included as well, and was when we were dating too. I have no idea what we are doing this year, no one has said anything!

DTNZ4Ever · April 2010

I feel your pain. I was told we have Mothers day brunch with my MIL and DH's grandmother (since it could be her last mothers day (which we've heard for the last 5 years)). Oh yeah no cosideration for my mom or my own mothers day. My mil never considers me or my family obligations. So my mom and I are celebrating mothers day the Sunday before. Oh my mil also thinks dh is the center of the world she even brought Dh baby pictures to ds baptism oh and his 1st bday party since it is all about dh not ds' days.

lmdbww · April 2010

KathrynMD:

your husband should have said no - that you all hadn't decided what you were doing yet.

also - what's the backstory? do you not see your MIL?

I have no issues w/MIL. She is very controlling and a complete busybody in general, and goes through a tantrum phase once every few months where she has to have some sort of issue with me and creates uncomfortable situations.

AmyCC1980 · April 2010

Oh my! Not cool at all in my book. I love my mom and I know that DH loves his mom, but they both had about 30 yrs of mothers days focused on them and now it is my turn. Call me selfish, I don't care. Neither my mom nor MIL live in our town so that makes it easier, but DH knows that mother's day is about spending time with me and DD and that is what we do.

LynnJones · April 2010

That's rude. It is Mother's Day and you are the mother of her son's daughter sooo it just seems fitting that you would be included in any plans. I would be livid!

Jeremy'sMom · April 2010

I'm sorry, but what a biitch! (your mil, not you).

SportyChic24 · April 2010

No, and she better not even start. Her and my SIL spoiled my 1st Mother's Day and it really hurt/ticked me off. But then again we have not talked since just before Easter. I don't like people who try and take charge of something that is not theirs to take charge of.