Anxiety combined with overactive imagination

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

So tonight I asked DH why I have anxiety combined with an overactive imagination. His response: Because you have estrogen.

Whatever the reason, I feel like since having DS, I come up with the dumbest, craziest stuff to worry about. We were just looking at a map of where we are going on vacation next week and I noticed that the beach is very close to the zoo. What do I think? What if we are sitting on the beach and a tiger breaks loose from the zoo and comes down the beach. It would see DS since he is small and think snack. What would I do? Stuff DS under my shirt and start running. All of this thinking only takes a split second but it produces anxiety in me. I know it's not rational but I just think it before I know it. I don't spend much time on it but still. Why do I do this?

I just love DS more than anything and I want to be able to protect him ALWAYS and from EVERYTHING but I'm realizing that that's not always going to be possible. He's going to go to school, go to sleepovers, learn to drive, go to college, make his own choices. But it makes me feel so vulnerable loving him so much and knowing there will be circumstances out of my control.

I guess these might be normal mother feelings. They haven't prevented me from taking him places and doing things but I do wish I could relax a little more. I do believe/want to believe God is in control but my fear gets in the way of resting on that completely. Any tips for coping? Do you think it will get easier? or just harder as my little boy gets more active?

sassy_mommy · April 2010

I believe that trust in God is key to this. We definitely want things to go right, but we can't allow fear to keep us from living the lives God wants us to live (I'm speaking to myself as well). Two books that were especially helpful for me were "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer and "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian. I would also suggest talking with someone (perhaps a counselor) if it continues to be a burden. You are not alone....I'll send up a prayer for you!

EnglishMajor03 · April 2010

It's hard to say if it's going to get better or if you're just having normal mom fears. If it does become the least bit debilitating you should talk to your doctor. What you're describing is no way I'd want to live, personally. But, if you're okay with it that's all that matters.

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

sassy_mommy:
I believe that trust in God is key to this. We definitely want things to go right, but we can't allow fear to keep us from living the lives God wants us to live (I'm speaking to myself as well). Two books that were especially helpful for me were "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer and "Power of a Praying Woman" by Stormie Omartian. I would also suggest talking with someone (perhaps a counselor) if it continues to be a burden. You are not alone....I'll send up a prayer for you!

Thank you! I believe what you're saying is right. I will look for these books. The titles do sound like they would help.

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

EnglishMajor03:
It's hard to say if it's going to get better or if you're just having normal mom fears. If it does become the least bit debilitating you should talk to your doctor. What you're describing is no way I'd want to live, personally. But, if you're okay with it that's all that matters.

It's hard for me to know if it's normal either. I went through this when I got married to dh. I felt such strong love for him that it made me feel very vulnerable like if anything happened to him I just couldn't handle it. As some time went by, I realized everything was fine and I could not worry about him so much. I think the same thing is going on and the more circumstances I encounter with ds, the more I see that everything goes well and there's no need for worry. But in the meantime I'm just making up stuff to worry about. I need to find something else more productive to do with my head.

DarcyLongfellow · April 2010

I have very similar thoughts. Part of our second story is open to the family room below, with a balcony that's about waist high. Every time I would carry DD near that balcony (i.e., every day) I'd think -- "what if I tripped and fell and she fell to the first story?" "what if she jumped out of my arms and fell?" even, "what if I threw her?" Not that I had any intention of harming her, just that I would run through every possible bad scenario in my head. Same with anything -- if I was nursing her and holding her head tightly to get her to latch, I'd think, "what if I broke her neck?" When she was sleeping, I was constantly checking to make sure she was breathing -- even if my checking actually woke her up. I was constantly running through the worst case scenario.

It turns out, at least in my case, these thoughts are NOT normal. They're a symptom of my PPD. In my case, it's more Postpartum OCD. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and it can manifest as what they call "intrusive thoughts." It's normal to assess the dangers that could harm your child. It's not normal to constantly obsess over possible dangers.

I didn't get help until about a month ago, when DD was 7 months old. PPD can happen any time in the first year.

If you really think your thoughts aren't normal (and you probably wouldn't be posting otherwise), I'd really encourage you to talk to someone. You can call your OB, but they'll likely just offer to prescribe an anti depressant. Which might help, but probably won't fix everything. Finding a counselor, particularly one trained in postpartum OCD, would probably really help you.

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

Ok thank you Darcy. I will do some research and talk to my Dr.

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