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Stay at Home Moms
tifvolley
member
Anyone's DH just not get it?
tifvolley
member
DH has been making comments about how he would be a better SAHP and I'm sick of it. It all stemmed from him complaining that he has to iron his shirt for work every morning. I told him that he's a big boy and can help out with something around the house. He told me he doesn't see why and that I should have plenty of time to iron them for him.
I asked him what it is he thinks I do all day and he told me go to lunch and the park. I guess he forgot the whole keeping the house clean, taking care of DS, running errands, making dinner, and working part-time. When I brought these things up to him, he told me it should take no more than 1 hour a day tops to clean and cook and that I need to be more productive with my time. Seriously! This man hasn't picked up a single dish, mop, or cleaning rag since I became a SAHM and he's telling me how much work it takes to clean. I ended the conversation at this point, because I was ready to tell him that he should have married a maid instead of me.
I've tried the whole leaving him to take care of DS for a day and it doesn't work. He's great with DS, but doesn't pick up a thing around the house. I come home to more work than when I left. I don't want to go on strike, because I like a clean house and dinner. I'm almost tempted to iron his damn shirts just so I don't have to listen to him anymore, but it would resolve nothing.
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Re: Anyone's DH just not get it?
Yes, my DH doesn't have a clue!
What really makes me mad is that when he is left with DS for however long (1 hour while I am upstairs cleaning or 1.5 days while I was away), he will ask "how do you get anything done during the day?" or justify that he couldn't cook/clean/get to his music class because of xyz (he pooped and wouldn't sit still, the dog puked, someone came to the door, he woke up, he wouldn't nap, etc etc etc). Do these lessons stick with him when life returns to normal and I am SAH and he is working? NOPE. Nadda. Not a darn clue!
I went away for 1.5 days last week, after basically not sleeping for a week to get everything perfectly clean/organized/written out/etc so that he wouldn't have excuses and could do it - the clean dishes were still in the drying rack when I got home, his 1.5 days worth of dirty dishes were piled on the other side of the sink, garbage was all over my previously clean counters, and the cloth diapers were scattered around the house - poop still in them. UH! The kicker was he skipped the gym, library, and music, took DS to his mom's both days for over 2.5 hours both times, and ate out with his parents for at least 1 meal. He literally went to bed right after DS did at 8 both nights - um, hello? Pets, house, cleaning? DH: "I was tired. It is hard work taking care of him. He is into everything." I was pretty livid. Not surprised I guess, but disappointed he didn't even make an attempt to keep it neat and do the basics. AND DS NAPPED 4.5 HOURS - um, he NEVER naps for me. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So, I totally, completely, 100% feel your pain & have nothing to offer you but this sympathy and empathy and lots of "hope your DH gets a clue" vibes.
Maybe you can try a girls weekend and if its a mess when you get home tell him he just hired you a cleaning service for the week? ;o)
BTW, just the cooking & cleaning of cooking stuff takes me at least an hour a day - forget all the other stuff! Your DH is crazy!
My DH is the exact same way. I am still hoping the lesson sticks one of these times. : )
I'm sorry :-(
May try the ... switch places for a weekend and follow-through with discussing what he forgot to do that you would do so that he sees that it isn't about just having fun with LO all day.
I think you are right though ... just ironing the shirts is probably not the answer - and it really isn't about the shirts ... it's about respecting and valuing what you do.
Uhhhh, sorry to hear that. While I suspect that my husband feels this way sometimes, he does NOT say anything like he would do a better job, or why isn't this or that done? If something specific needs attention, he may bring it up but I have to say I am surprised at how much he lets me slide on because he is a very neat person and sometimes our house isn't so neat when he gets home. I do think he "gets it" so some extent - if he didn't he would say something.
As for your husband, if you can (I see that you are also preggo) could you do a girls weekend away where there is no way for him to avoid picking up around the house? Maybe this wouldn't happen pre-baby but this is one of the solutions that works from what I've heard when the husband really just doesn't get it. Sorry you have to deal with this - it would be very defeating for me. Hang in there!
Mine is the same.
I truly think it's just a personality flaw - he doesn't value this job whatsoever.
I also can't do the 'just leave him with the girls' because when I do, he comes away from it feeling like superdad ('What's the big deal? It was so easy!') even though he half-assed the job: parks them in the exersaucer and in front of the TV and doesn't lift a finger to feed them, do dishes, empty the potty, nothing. I come home to a mess so big it wasn't worth leaving them in the first place.
In your case, I'd send the shirts to the cleaners for laundering and pressing - they're only $3 apiece, worth the $15 a week, to me and then you'll both be happy. Would he go for that? GL! I know it's hard, just know that *WE* know how tough this job is, and you're doing a great job!