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Are you close to your mom?

HeatherHearts2003HeatherHearts2003
in 2nd Trimester

I honestly wish I was closer with my mom (both emotionally and by distance) especially during pregnancy. She lives a 2-day drive away, and I'm sad that she's never been to any of our ultrasounds or deliveries. She does usually come when our babies are a few weeks old (she stays for a few days max) and she was there for my first baby shower, but that's about it. My mom does not work, has my adult sister living with her and homeschools my high-school junior sister. I don't feel like her living arrangements demand that she not travel, but that's just my opinion.

I'm a grown woman, I have great support from my husband, and I don't need her to be there, but I wish she was more involved for our children's sake. I think she cares in her own way, but for example, she was never the nurturing type with me. She does Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, things that Grandmas 'should' do I guess, but I'd really like it to go beyond that and have more connection. Talking with her about this basically goes in circles and I feel that it's just beginning to get me more upset than is healthy for me and the baby right now. Am I being selfish? Please let me know. I can take it. ;)

Has anyone had a similar experience? I'd love to know how you dealt with it.

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Re: Are you close to your mom?

  • BabyCakes3BabyCakes3

    My mom lives 5 mins away & we see her all the time. But I don't feel we are close. I would never let her in the delivery room & that makes me really sad. My friend's mom called me the other day while my friend was pushing. She said "hang on" & then I heard her counting. I teared up. I wish my mom was that supportive.

    I deal with it by letting it bother me & not dealing with it.

    I will NOT let my relationship be like that with my children.

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  • Mama.to.be.52Mama.to.be.52
    You cant do much about how far away you live, But mabey just more phone calls, And explain you dont want to argue, Or Bicker. Tell her you want to have a calm conversation about the pregnancy. I dont have this problem, Because its made me and my mom closer. But thats what I would do.
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  • kg_08kg_08 member

    My mom lives about an hour away, so I can't relate completely, but I still understand. DH and I were thinking about moving to VA before we got pregnant (which is like 1,000 miles away) and I know if we had moved, I wouldn't see or talk to her nearly as much as I do now.

    Having pretty much all grown children, I can understand why you think she should be able to visit more, but trips like that do take money, especially when they're 2 days away. Maybe there are other circumstances involved? If you want to be more emotionally connected to her, maybe call her more often. Tell her how much it would mean to you if she'd come for x occasion. I'm sure she loves you and would be with you all the time if she could.

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  • djfacemachinedjfacemachine
    I am very close to my mom and find it really difficult that we are not physically closer now (I live in Vegas and she lives in Virginia). She's also having a hard time with the fact she's not going to be here when the baby comes. She and my dad are trying to figure something out as far as staying for extended periods of time or maybe getting a small house here that they can stay in for several months out of the year.
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  • purplemagpurplemag

    I so understand where you are coming from. My mom moved an hour away almost a year ago (from S. Carolina), 'So she can be closer to her grand-daughter' I can count with less than one hand how many times she has made the trip to actually see her. Not to mention that when she does come to visit, it's for no more than an hour. The only time my daughter sees her Grammy is when I take her there myself! My mom will make trips up here to see her sister, to get things for their house, etc. But she is always in too much of a rush to stop by for the afternoon. When I was pregnant with my daughter, obviously she never came to the baby shower or ultra sounds because of where she WAS living. Now that I am pregnant again, she still doesn't make an effort to do anything, in the way of visits. Recently we decided to move to a bigger home, due to the bigger family we will have shortly, and all she had to say about it was 'Good luck with that'. Right now I have been dealing with horrible painful back pain, not once has she offered to come and help me out in anyway with my daughter.

    To say our relationship is strained is, I believe, an understatement! What's funny about it is we talk on the phone almost daily. Just know you are NOT alone, and yes it does suck something fierce. I hope you at least have a good support system from your other half and friends!! I'll throw it out there as well, if you need to talk, just hit me up ok sweets! Lots of thoughts in your direction pregnant sister!! :)

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  • SammyBeeRiversSammyBeeRivers
    Im very close to my mother but she lives 6 hours away. I flew her up for my last ultrasound appointment and she absolutely loved it. When the baby is born, she'll stay with us for a month -- or until she's ready to go back home.
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  • HeatherHearts2003HeatherHearts2003
    imageBabyCakes3:

    I will NOT let my relationship be like that with my children.

    I hear you, BabyCakes. I feel the exact same way.

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  • HeatherHearts2003HeatherHearts2003

    imagepurplemag:
    I'll throw it out there as well, if you need to talk, just hit me up ok sweets! Lots of thoughts in your direction pregnant sister!! :)

    Thanks so much! I've got your number! ;)

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  • HeatherHearts2003HeatherHearts2003

    imageSammyBeeRivers:
    Im very close to my mother but she lives 6 hours away. I flew her up for my last ultrasound appointment and she absolutely loved it. When the baby is born, she'll stay with us for a month -- or until she's ready to go back home.

    You are very blessed to have such a relationship with your mom. Enjoy! Smile

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  • HeatherHearts2003HeatherHearts2003
    Thanks so much for your input everyone! I appreciate all of your thoughts! Smile
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  • alwayzflirtin87alwayzflirtin87

    Me and My mom are so close it isnt funny! She lives 5 minutes away and we are together all the time! I love that we are so close because this being my first child I have SO many questions!

    I dont think you are acting selfish at all. It seems like your mother is giving more attention to your sister and not you. Maybe simply telling her that you need/want more attention would help a little bit?

    I wish I was closer to my dad but unfortunatly we are drifting way further apart these days ... I know how you feel!

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  • delg23delg23 member
    no w/ regard to both distance and emotionally. When I told her I was pregnant she said "are you happy?" even though I told her a long time ago we were trying. She didn't call when I had the big 20 week ultrasound, but friends were even asking me about it and my MIL spent the day texting me. When I said it was a boy she said "Are you happy?". She has never once checked on me to see how I was feeling but my dad calls me several times a week. When I asked if she would come stay w/ me after I had the baby and she said "we'll see" and "if I can". Her husband was laid off so that will be a viable excuse even though I offered to pay. I told her the name and she said "I guess thats a nice name". But she thinks she is an awesome involved loving wonderful mother who has always been there for me. Oh well! 
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  • hurricanelydiaahurricanelydiaa

    I'm not very close with my mom either. I honestly cannot even remember her ever saying "I love you" to me, or my brothers. Growing up she was never very open with her feelings, and as a result I never felt like I could REALLY talk to her. All of my conversations with her now are either her talking about herself or talking about what I have/haven't accomplished. I honestly feel like she only cares about the parts of my life she can brag about to her church friends. With this pregnancy, at first she wouldn't even acknowledge it- it was several weeks before she even said the word "baby"- and now she only inquires about it like she's trying to somehow make it an accomplishment of hers.

    I don't really have any advice- I wish I did- because I still haven't found a way to connect with her. Before I could even do that I would have to WANT to connect with her- the past few years I've started to realize that I'm really resentful of the fact that I always have to prove myself to her to even make her pay attention. I talk to her often, because she lives about 15 minutes away, but everything about my relationship with her is superficial. 

    I guess I just hope that when my LO is born, I will be able to find within myself the motherly love that I never received. Maybe once I start developing a relationship with my child it will give me a different perspective on my relationship with my mother and maybe help me relate to her. 

    Sorry this response was so long, but your post hit at a sore emotion in me! I hope you are able to develop a better relationship with your mom.

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