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ash2
member
HarrietNJ and anyone else with LOs close in age
ash2
member
How do you do it? Iam absolutely terrified of what my life is going to be like when DS comes next week. DD turns 16 months on Saturday and obviously still needs alot of attention. DD also didn't STTN until she was 10 months, so Im just hoping and praying this little guy sleeps. How did you manage day to day? Was there anything you found that made things easier for you?
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Re: HarrietNJ and anyone else with LOs close in age
Honestly, I didn't find it nearly as hard as I'd anticipated (with two...three would be a whole other ball game). I don't think it's necessarily harder than having them spaced farther apart, the challenges are just different. There are a lot of times when someone just has to cry, but you learn coping strategies and multi-tasking. By the time the little one is a year, it's actually easier because they are almost peers and interested in the same things, and they keep each other entertained.
Did you have alot of mommy guilt when #2 was born? Im already feeling sorry for DD and DS isn't even here yet! I just love her so much and I feel like Im betraying her or something. I know that sounds crazy, probably my hormones talking!
I really didn't, but that's mostly because DS#1 was completely besotted with DS#2 from the first moment he laid eyes on him. It's tough to feel guilty about bringing home a new baby when your oldest seems to think it's the coolest thing in the world.
2 really wasn't that bad - and I say this NOW because I've gone through it with 3 vs. 2. When I was doing 2u2, it was hard for me for the first year, but then got so much easier. 3 was AWFUL!!!! It really put me over the edge.
It made us reconsider having a 4th and we are done now.
It all depends on a LOT of factors. If your kids STTN early (mine do NOT - it has taken all 3 almost a year to STTN), if you have ANY help around (unfortunately, I don't), the personality of your children, your personality, your DH, etc.
The thing that was bad for me was the sleep deprivation. I do NOT function without 6 STRAIGHT uninterrupted hours of sleep. I need that. All 3 of my kids were nursed every 3 hours round the clock until after they were 6 months old. That $ucked big time!!! Also, DD#2 and DS refused to take any bottles, so I was a bit stuck close to home.....that wasn't so good for me......
I get out of the house every day. I would go completely nuts if I stayed in the house. Others like to stay home and it works better.
To be really honest, I don't remember it all. I mean, DS has been STTN for almost 4 months now, and I can't remember exactly HOW bad it was.
DH and I actually discussed having #4 last Friday night on date night. We decided that if it happens, it happens, but we feel like we're done.....
You'll have great days, good days, okay days, and really really bad days. Just hang in there and know that some things get easier as your kids get older and some things get harder.
GL to you!!! You'll do just fine. Somehow you find your groove.
I started to have so much anxiety right towards the end of my pregnancy with #2 but honestly, it was so much easier than I thought it would be!
Mine are 16 months apart and while the first month was definitely challenging, it got so much easier. I am very lucky in that I was blessed with two great sleepers
Just take it one day at a time, thinking about more than that becomes overwhelming. I also never had any guilt, I figured people have been doing this forever so I don't think there is anything to feel guilty for. In fact, I think it is a good thing that DS realized he is not top dog.
GL! You can do it!
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
It was not as hard as I expected especially after the first 3 months. DS was 17 months old when DD was born. DD had colic so the first 3 months were HORRIBLE. DS is a laid back child which made it easier because he would play while I tried to console DD. I let a lot of household things go the first few months so that while DD slept I could gave DS my full attention. After DD got over the colic things got much easier and we got into a routine. You also learn how to do some major multi-tasking...I can do just about anything while carrying DD.
We get out of the house several times a week also...it just makes us all happier. The first few times were challenging just trying to get them both in and out of the car but once you get into a routine it is not bad at all.
I saw another response about mommy guilt. I felt that before DD was born. I sat by DS crib watching him sleep and crying for an hour the night before DD was born. But once DD was born and we brought her home, DS did great with her and thought it was the greatest thing that he had a little sister. He loved helping with her and has not shown much jealously at all. He still "takes care of" her.
The first couple months aren't too hard because the newborn sleeps all.the.time. Sure you're exhausted but you have ample time to spend with DC#1 and help him through the adjustment.
Parker's transition was a bit tough but now both Rowan and Parker are clicking very nicely. I psyched myself up about it being a problem way more than it turned out to be.
And remember- you're going to do the best you can with what you have. If only we could grow two more hands...
I just wanted to pipe in about the mommy guilt. Looking back, that was one thing I really wish I would have let go of. Mine were 16 months apart. I spent most of my days feeling guilty that I wasn't spending the kind of time I used to spend with DC#1, and the other days worrying that DC#2 was never going to get the kind of time I used to spend with DC#1. I was a mess.
The truth of the matter is, your first baby is never going to remember a time without his brother/sister. They just aren't. So get over the guilt as best you can and just focus on the fact that you're building the family you always wanted -- and both your kids will love you for it no matter what.