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Baby Showers
Gift Grabby?
Tell me if this is gift grabby. I just got invited to my sister-in-law's, sister-in-law's baby shower (my sister-in-law brother's wife). I've spoke to her in person once, at a wedding. I guess we could be considered family (????) but am I required to go to this shower? TIA!
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Re: Gift Grabby?
I don't think anyone is ever required to go to a shower. If you don't feel like you know her well enough to warrant an invite (and it sounds like you don't), just don't go.
You don't need to fabricate an excuse when you RSVP, either. Just say you won't be attending.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Gift Grabby... don't go. If you start inviting people you've met once in your life you are grasping at straws to get anyone and everyone to come. I would be embarassed if I were her..
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
My policy is: if I get it and had little idea:
a.) that the person was even pregnant or
b.) that I'd be invited at all to their shower, if I knew about their impending arrival
I decline politely and do not send a gift.
I've gotten invites to all sorts of relatives by marriage I've never heard of let alone met, who live a thousand miles away in a state I've never visited...I'm probably not gonna make it for your shower then, Cousin So and So's Second Wife. SMH. No.
DD1 born 5/24/10.
Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.
DD2 born 5/14/13.
Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.
I have to ask, who's planning the shower? If it is your SIL, then she may have invited you thinking of you as part of her family (a nice thing, IMHO) or thinking that you might feel bad if SHE threw a party and you were excluded.
However, if you don't want to go, don't go, and don't feel like you have to send a gift.
I wouldn't go if you have to remember where you met them and/or IF you've ever met them.
Gift-Grabby is one way to describe it. Another way is greedy.
I would consider that gift grabby because you barely know the lady (meeting her only once)...
My SIL (brothers wife) is invited to my other SIL's baby shower today (My husbands sister) but they are friends and hang out a lot. We have one huge extended family due to marriages etc and we all get together and celebrate births, weddings, holidays etc. I don't find it odd in my family at all but we all know each other.
I think people are reading into this a little too far. Perhaps she is inviting all of the female family members on both sides and does not want anyone to feel left out. It could be a "courtesy invite." Most people actually enjoy being remembered and invited to something. I know I do!
That being said, you are certainly not obligated to attend or send a gift.
I agree with this.
Also, I had a hard time drawing a line as to who should not be invited as well. We have a huge extended family that gets together once a year or so...I opted to not invite them so I would not be gift grabby. A few have asked about the shower, and they will be getting an invite, the rest will not.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.
This is extremely possible.
If it true- they would not feel upset with you not attending.They just wanted to cover bases. Maybe the shower givers have had too many experiences with miffed women who HAVEN'T been invited.
I've decided not to go, I still might send a small gift, just to be kind. I do think it was a courtesy invite (from the hostess), which isn't a terrible thing...but it's not her shower. Shouldn't the guest of honor be the one to say who she wants to invite? I keep on wondering why would she (the mamma-to-be) even want me there? And I can only think of how I would answer the "How do you know the Mamma-to-be?" question.
"I'm her sister-in-law's, sister-in-law."
"I'm married to A, whose brother is B. B is married to C, C's brother is D and D is married to E, the mamma-to-be."
I dont even think I could say we are friends, we've met once, she lives 4 states away and I would think the closest I'll get to meeting the LO is from pitures on Facebook. Eh, I'm over it, no big deal.
In my family its considered rude to not invite EVERYONE. I have a huge extended family and with my first shower my grandmother insisted that I send invites to her ex-SIL and MIL and her and my grandfather have been divorced and both remarried for nearly 40 years. A lot of those extra invites went out to people who live on the other side of the country that I met a handful of times as a child. Everyone who hadn't known I was pregnant or wasn't going to attend called to say congratulations and sincerely thanked me for being thoughtful enough to invite them.
I don't think all shower invites are monetarily motivated.
Home Birthing-Breastfeeding-Cloth Diapering-Baby Wearing-CoSleeping-Delayed/Selective Vaccination Mama to Charlie (5yrs) and Madeline (21mos)
I have to agree with this poster. My MIL thought it was rude of me not to invite all female family members even though I have only met them once or twice. Half of my guest list is out of state and to ppl that I don't speak with or see. Also, my MIL invited 4 of her friends that I have never met in my life.
We are not expecting anything from anyone and we have told people not to buy us stuff even though we know they are. I consider us very fortunate to have ppl that want to give us gifts....and personally, I'd be really hurt if someone said I was being gift gabby because I did not want a shower to begin with.
If it were me, I'd send a gift even if it is something small and inexpensive.