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Breastfeeding
Rory419
member
I am seriously thinking of giving up and have no idea what to do
Rory419
member
Another really discouraged post from me. I am really running out of sanity and hope that this is going to work out with the hurdles we have had. I apologize for only posting these negative "Help me" posts but I have no idea what to do.
Background: LO has had latch issues from day one and did not latch onto me directly until she was almost 3 weeks old (after bouts with jaundice, bottle feedings, mastitis, and a nipple shield.) She seemed like she was eating well on me but fell asleep a lot, and ended up not gaining any weight for two weeks. Last week I posted about that and here is where we are:
After LO did not gain any weight for two weeks due to not eating enough (I was trying to feed her on demand but she was sleeping too long at night and not eating enough,) we went to round the clock feedings. I was feeding her every 1.5-2 hours during the day and every 2-3 hours at night. She did gain 5 oz this week with the rigid schedule, but it felt totally contrived and unrealistic. I know that breastfed babies often eat that much on their own and while it is exhausting, it is totally normal. However, with my DD, it always felt like force feeding. She NEVER has a good long feed and the times of active nutritional sucking have gotten less and less. Now I am lucky if I get her sucking on me for five minutes, and she spends the rest of the feed either sleeping or pacifying herself. I feel like because I was feeding her so much, she never had the chance to get hungry, so she never knew what to do when she was on the breast...however I am afraid to let her go on her own because she seems to like to go too long between feeds and then not gain any weight. Somtimes inbetween these scheduled feedings, she would fuss to be on the breast and I would think that maybe she was actually hungry, so I would put her on in between feedings, and again, she would only suck for a couple of minutes then just pacify herself. Sometimes I was feeding her like 15 times a day, and while she did gain weight that way, not a single one of those feeds felt good and long and weren't filled with fighting to keep her awake and actively sucking.
I am at a total loss. I feel like my one month old just does not know how to eat, know what to do with my breast and I don't know when to feed her. My LC said I should just feed her every 2 hours around the click (and not feed her every hour or hour and a half anymore because it is too much snacking and pacifying) but that is complicated because sometimes I will put her on to feed and she won't eat anything. So do I wait another two hours to try again or half an hour or what? I am also thinking of trying a day where I just go entirely on demand and see if she actually gets hungry and sets a pattern, but I have no idea what time limits to set around that, if any (ie, when is she going "too long.") I have also considered trying the nipple shield again because she seemed to do OK on it, but it feels like a regression since she will latch on me (even though it is not a very good latch.) My LC really does not want me to use a nipple shield or any aide for that matter because she doesn't want her to get any more confused. And I cannot go to bottle supplementing because with her latch issues, if I let her use a bottle, she will likely not go back to me.
I am so very discouraged. I have tried everything I can think of and every single week it is a new issue. I know that nursing is full of trials with bad latches and milk production, but my DD doesn't seem to know how to eat and I do not know how to teach her. I can fix her latch when she is on wrong and I can shove calories into her 15 times a day, but I do not know how to get her to actually eat from me for more than five minutes. And whats more, while I know that little babies eat a LOT, I kind of hoped to have some semblance of a routine by now, instead of laying in bed half naked all day trying to figure out when to put the baby on the breast and when to take her off. I do not want to EP because I hate pumping and I REALLY don't want to go to formula...but I am really afraid that my LO is just not cut out for breastfeeding.
Sorry for the long vent...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am seriously thinking of giving up and have no idea what to do
Hugs!
First off....hang in there. You WILL get through this. I totally remember these days. I too felt like I barely wore a shirt the first month with my DD. In fact, I once answered the door to the UPS guy with no shirt on, but I digress LOL
Your baby had jaundice. That equals a sleepy baby. You did the right thing 'force feeding' her the past week/couple of weeks to get the weight gain up. She should start becoming more 'alert' now that the jaundice is over and the weight is going up.
For now, I would feed on demand BUT go no more than 2 hours during the day, 3 at night. If she doesn't eat well at the 2 hour mark and is hungry again 30 minutes later, go ahead and nurse. But do all you can to 'wake her up'....cold rag to the feet, stroke her head, take her off several times to burp and relatch on the same side, etc.
It's rough at the beginning, SO frustrating. We've all been there, but it WILL get better.
First - we all know how hard you are working...you are doing a great job sticking it out!!!
I would go to another LC - just to get another opinion on things.
If this were me (and it sort of was)...I would go back to the nipple shield and feed her for as long as she will be able to - 20-25 minutes on each breast. Maintaining a latch is just as important as the initial latch. We used a nipple shield to maintain and weaned at 2.5 months. If you need to do the bottle due to not gaining weight - give her a little after...and then steadily decrease that amount.
Make sure you are drinking a ton of water (like 100oz) and eating enough too. If your supply is low - then she may lose interest fast. I drank a ton of mother's milk tea and ate a lot of oatmeal (still do)
The most important thing to remember is that babies need to thrive...if it isn't on breastmilk...then is isn't. A happy mommy is the best mommy, not a stressed out over tired bfing mommy! You've gone a lot further than many! GL!
First, focus on the positive. You got your baby to latch and she's gaining weight. That is fantastic!!!! I know how you're feeling. I felt so despondent my first 6-8 weeks of bfing because I felt like nothing the was working.
At the time, so many moms and LLL kept telling me that I was making progress even if it doesn't seem like it. And so I'll repeat that to you. Although you're still facing hurdles, I see a lot of progress in what you wrote. And that is amazing!!
On to your current issue. If I'm reading it right, it's that you feel like you're feeding all the time and that your LO is just comfort sucking. Is that right?
Keep in mind that you're coming upon 6 weeks, which is a notorious growth spurt. Every mom around 6 weeks feels like all she's doing is feeding. That is totally normal.
Maybe you can try feeding on demand but at least feeding her every 2 hours. Or is that what you're doing already.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are so close to getting out of the really hard part of bfing. After 6 weeks or so, it really does get better. It seems like you're almost there. Hang in there! GL!
Take a deep breath and try to calm down. This too shall pass.
I would go with your LC's advice, only feed her about every 2 hours. If she doesn't latch on right away, wait 20 to 30 minutes and then try again. Your two hour clock starts from whenever she actually eats. The time between feedings will stretch out. Write down when she eats, for how long and on which side. (I made a little chart modeled after the one my hospital gave me for the first week). Write everything down for a few days. Then take a look at it. You will likely be able to see a pattern emerging. Keep in mind that the pattern will change all the time so you want to be flexible but this can help you figure out how often DD wants to eat. Most babies eat more during the day and less at night. For a long time my DD was eating every 2.5 hrs during the day which drove me sort of nuts but she would sleep for 4 to 6 hours at night so it was ok.
Also, keep in mind that just because DD is only eating for 5 minutes doesn't mean she's not eating well. Some babies are more efficient than others. My DD has never eaten for very long, at that age she would nurse for 10 to 12 minutes tops--often it was less than that. The thing to be concerned with is whether she is gaining weight and if she's having enough wet and dirty diapers per day. If she's back to her birth weight, she should be gaining between 1/2 and 1 ounce per day (averaged over a week). It sounds like she is doing that now so she's fine. Once she's been gaining well for a week or two you can probably start to let her sleep at night. Remember, not all babies are huge and chubby. My DD is perfectly healthy and our pedi has always been happy with her weight gain but at 5 months she only weights 13 1/2 lbs and it pretty tiny. She's long and skinny but that's ok--she's been on the same percentile curve since she was born. Seriously, she's still wearing 3 mos cloths. The time to worry is if DD isn't gaining any weight or if she's dropped down in the percentiles. I know that was a problem at first but it sounds like you're doing fine now.
As far as laying in bed all day, I know it's frustrating but take advantage of this time. I am back to work and I would give anything to have a day where I could just hang out in bed with DD all day and not have to worry about anything else. Look at it as time for you to relax and bond with DD, not time when you are chained in bed. Get a comfy sleep bra (I love the Bravado one) and some cute pjs that give easy boob access (Target has some really cute ones right now, don't worry if they are nursing pjs just get ones w/ low cut tops/tanks). Also, I know I always felt less like a dairy cow and more like a real person if I showered, did my hair and put on some makeup (very minimal, like mascara, blush and chapstick) even if all I was doing was staying home to feed DD.
Don't give up. If this is what you really want, you can do it. Good luck!!!
I know things seem really hard, but I remember your old post and it seems like from this post you have had tremendous success! Your LO has started gaining weight! I know it was rough getting there, but you did. Do not feel pressured that your LO should be on some magic schedule at one month old. There are a lot of outside pressures, but yea I was also pretty much the half naked lady nursing 12 times a day until LO was like 2 months old. It does get better though and you cant force it.
My advice would be to try going back to feeding on demand, but place a limit on the timeframe -- for example every 2-2.5 hrs during the day & every 3 hrs at most during the night. If LO continues to gain weight over the next week or two then reassess the time limits. Hang in there you are doing a GREAT job!
Congrats on being willig to stick with it! A lot of women would have given up already.
I agree that you should try cutting back to more on demand, but stick with the 2-3 hour schedule. Hopefully now that she's gotten more practice, that will let her get hungry in between and she'll be a more active nurser.
Is there an LC at your pedi? I did not have many problems in the beginning, but I did not hesitate to call and talk or ask to see her at our early appts. As many times as it takes to work!
Thanks for all the advice! I feel a lot better having read all your encouragement. You are right; she is doing better having gained weight so I should not dismiss that accomplishment. I think I am definitely going to try every 2 hrs during the day and every 3 at night (and on demand in between) and see where that goes. Already it seems like she is eating better in two hour intervals than 1.5...like she actually has time to want to eat. The most challenging thing is that she still does not seem to really eat for a long period of time, and I do not know how long is long "enough." I have been trying to leave her on the breast for 20 minutes at a time and if by the end she is doing more playing/pacifying/sleeping, I take her off and wait til the next feeding. If she is still intermitently eating, I leave her on. If she barely eats at all, I take her off and try again. Today we have been getting maybe a good 7-10 minutes out of her per feed so that is still better than yesterday.
My pedi does not have LCs, and I do not trust the ones at my hospital...they were not very helpful in the beginning. The LC I have is actually someone my mom knows from work. She is a school nurse now, but used to be a certified LC and maternal/fetal RN. I go to her because she works well with me and she is free. I cannot afford another LC and insurance will not cover it. There are some things she says taht I have to take with a grain of salt (ie she is REALLY anti comfort nursing and I think there is a time and place for it, she did not want me on the nipple shield at first and I knew I needed it, etc.,) but overall she has been supportive.
Hopefully at her next weigh-in in two weeks she will have gained a good amount and I will get the OK to let her sleep 4+ hour stretches at night. Hopefully by that point she will be eating more efficiently too. I know most women dread the six week growth spurt, but I am actually kind of hoping it hits us strong and she actually initiates more feeding herself.
My LO was so sleepy at first that I had to do the same thing. I was trying to make him eat every 2 hours and he would just sleep. Once my LC sad space it to 3 hours it was so much easier and I was able to get a little sleep. plus, he was hungrier and wanted to eat.
As for the shield, if she'll latch while using it, then use it. Don't worry about weaning from it right now, if it causes less stress for the both of you, then go for it. You can get rid of it again later on.
You're doing great. Many people would have given up by now and you're sticking with it. Keep it up!
I'm thinking that maybe you can check with your doctor's office and see if the nurse can weigh your baby in a week, or before your next appointment.
At my doctor's office, you can ask the nurse to weigh your baby whenever you need/want to. She'll do it in no time. It might be something worth considering. They have never charged me but you might want to ask. It might give you peace of mind not having to wait two weeks to get a weight check.
Hope things continue to get better!!
i am not a breastfeeding expert but I can say that both of my little ones have never nursed for more than 10-15minutes. I had fast let down and they got enough in that time.
I agree with PP about getting your baby weighed before and after a feed. You may think she isn't getting much but you might be surprised!
You are doing amazing. Hang in there.