- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
lolc
member
"Severely disabled.... is she still a mom?"
lolc
member
Disturbing and upsetting article from the LA times. What a horrible, sad case - it breaks my heart! What are your thoughts?
https://articles.latimes.com/2010/apr/11/local/la-me-abbie11-2010apr11
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Severely disabled.... is she still a mom?"
Oh, what a d!ck that dad is!!! I would think he would AT LEAST let her see the children she bore for him, no?
What an ass!
I think that at age 4, yes, to see their mother in the state she's in, would be extremely traumatic for the kids. It would have been for me at that age, as well as most children I know. But, every child is different, and their father (maybe her parents?) would be able to determine when they are able to meet.
It does break my heart that people have to go through this. I wonder what caused her delivery of the triplets to be so wrought with problems that it justified a multi-million-dollar malpractice settlement.
It's just sad. It sucks that some people have to go through this.
He does seem like a heartless S.O.B. That poor woman - all that she has gone through.
Monkie, it seems to be a multitude of things that had gone wrong for that poor woman. Started with her uterus getting nicked and losing a lot of blood, and just spiraled down from there (I believe I read that the defribillator was not working properly, causing her brain to lose even more oxygen, leading to her severe brain damage).
~L~
Mommy to 2 boys, ages 7 and 5 and a little girl who is 1.5
I totally agree. It is their mother and for the dad to keep the kids away is disgusting.
I agree with this. And, as hard as it may have been for him, his duty as a father and a husband would have been to make that effort to explain to the kids what was happening and to make them as comfortable with their mom as possible. If he was unable to do that, then he should have searched for someone who deals with these sort of situations for advice and help.
I think the article said something important that being a parent is not just what you can do physically but also emotionally.
I think that if the kids would have grown up around their mother the way she is now then that would be what they know. As they get older they would understand more of what it means. However, being that the father has now kept the kids away from their mother I do understand the concern on how the kids would emotionally react to this person. From my understanding it sounds like they do not even know that they have a mother who is alive.
In the end it just a sad story and I know that if something like that would have happened to be I would have been heartbroken weather I could verbally say it or not if I was not able to see my kids.
It sounds like his wife condition was just to much for him and it was easier to just walk away and forget about it. There is no way I could personally do that if something like this happened to my husband. Sure things would be hard, suck, etc... but he is still my husband and I love him for everything he is no matter how he looks or the state he is in.
Some where deep inside this women she is feeling and that means something.
Holy crap. The poor woman.
As for a 4 year old being traumatized? I still remember going to the Ukraine when I was very small (I think around 3 or 4 actually), to visit my great-grandmother. She died while we were there, actually. I will never forget that - and unfortunately, the ONLY memory of her is of her dying, and not able to speak, respond to our inquiries or anything due to pain meds.
I can't believe that the father is trying to get child support from the malpractice suit money. This poor lady needs that money to continue her therapy! According to the article, it costs $33K a month!
This story makes me so sad. Not good for a hormonal pregnant lady.
i wisht he father had interviewed for the article to find out what his reasoning is. I can't imagine anyone is as heartless as that. I hope he really does have the children's interests at heart, but it is hard to believe that.
The child support issue was pretty surprising. I also agree that children at 2.5 will accept pretty much anything they are presented with. At least send the poor woman some videos and pictures of her children.
And yes - I agree - that sounds like the worst fate imaginable.
The sad part is that he is doing this even though he realizes that it's not as though she WILLFULLY and INTENTIONALLY abandoned her children.
However, I don't know...maybe he really needs the monetary help every month. As a single parent, it's hard to raise three children alone, on ONE salary.
I think if the roles were reversed, ladies, we wouldn't be so hard on the mother.
Think about it. For sake of argument (and I know I'll get flamed):
Let's put it this way, since a scenario like this would be a third party's fault: the father of the children is driving home from work. A drunk driver looses control of his/her vehicle, and collides with the father's vehicle on it's drivers' side. The accidet caused the father to lose consciousness (asides from crushing his spine and other injuries), and by the time they bring him out of the vehicle, he's been 'out' for so long, once they revive him, the lack of oxygen flow to the brain caused him to be paralyzed and he cannot speak - just lie there, move his eyes in response to things and maybe, if he's lucky, twitch his fingers an toes.
Now...this father's injuries allowed his wife to go after the drunk driver's insurance policy for a myriad of claims: medical care and bills, lost wages, LOSS OF CONSORTIUM, among the permanent disabilities he will suffer from for the rest of his life - not to mention her own and her childrens'. This is quite a good settlement if the insurance policy in place has sufficient coverage and/or the the insured owns property with equity in it so as to be able to attach it via a judgment.
So, this poor guy now has millions of dollars in escrow, under power of attorney or conservatorship.
Again - not this guy's fault.
But? Because of the medical problems, time constraints and everthing else that comes with taking care of an invalid, the mother takes off, and files for divorce - requesting support out of the funds from his settlement - for HIS pain and suffering because she needs the extra help...
The scenarios could be different, the reasoning behind actions different.
Would this woman be a b*tch because she needed financial help from her vegetable of an ex-husband...?
I don't think so. I think that people do what they need to do in order to provide for their children and themselves as single parents.
Yes, I agree that divorcing her is lowly. I think that they would have to appoint psychologists to determine whether or not the 4 year-old children are READY to see their mother in the state she is in. But I do not agree that the husband is a jerk for wanting child support out of her settlement. It's not her fault that the doctors screwed up. Just like it wouldn't be your fault should you be in the 'above' father's position.
What an incredible, sad, heartbreaking story
I cannot imagine how this poor woman feels, after carrying 3 beautiful children and nearly dying, and now to be stuck inside a body that doesn't work and to be abandoned by the man who created those lives with you. It's like he used her as a surrogate, and once HIS children were born he was willing to discard her like so much garbage.
I nearly bled out on the table with my c-section, and thank GOD my two OB's were able to find the bleed and stop it before anything more catastrophic like this occured, but hearing this story makes me wonder if there should be a "pre-birth" contract drawn up between parents indicating their wishes should something like this happen. I know after carrying my child for 9 months, feeling them move inside of me and going through the emotions of naming them and bonding, to have them ripped from me in such a way would be devastating.
I think children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. If they're brought up to understand that this is their mother, they'll probably have an easier time accepting it.
Anyone ever see the movie Diving Bell and the Butterfly? I can't imagine being completely trapped inside a body that won't cooperate.
I completely agree with this. Plus, why tell the kids it happened during childbirth? Certain things are age appropriate. They can be told that later when they're older. Just getting used to their mom- and knowing they have one- is enough for right now.
What I found interesting is the dad is saying she isn't the mother because she can't physically or emotionally be a mother but then is asking for child support for the kids. Um- you can only ask for child support from a parent- so he is conceding she IS a parent if he's asking for money! He can't have it both ways.
However, I don't blame the dad for divorcing her or wanting to remarry. It's not a bad thing for him wanting the kids to have stability- but you can't erase the prior wife when she's still alive and not let the kids know she exists.
IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again