Working moms-Does mom guilt ever go away?

brideofscowboy · April 2010

Yes, I understand that guilt is something you only feel if you let yourself feel that way....

But today was tough. I've been back to work for a month now and it's been going great. DS loves daycare, I love my job. We pulled DS from DC today to bring him to the doctor since he hasn't been feeling so well since Friday.

He spent the rest of the day at home with DH. DS is miserable. I felt so guilty all day today. What kind of mom leaves her suffering LO at home to work?!?! (I get that it's a reality) but the guilt.... ugh.

NHMountainBride · April 2010

But he was home with Daddy, right? I don't see why you'd feel bad about that! DH and I both have to work full time to pay the bills, and it's definitely not realistic for both of us to stay home when DD is sick. She loves both of us, and we share the parenting equally, so we're both capable of taking care of her when she's sick. It sounds like you're just adjusting to being a "working mom." I can imagine that it would be hard if you've been able to be home with him until recently. I went back to work when DD was 3 months, so I can't really relate. I think that as long as one parent (or a relative or a friend) can be home when he's sick, that's ok. I hope it gets easier for you!

Mrs.RockyM · April 2010

DD has been in daycare since she was 12 weeks old. For the most part it gets easier, but it does help helps when you and your LO love your daycare. For me, I constantly remind myself that I'm a better mommy for having some me time and for going to work, but I still feel like crap. Especially on days like today when she's fighting her molars and is just miserable.

Mrs.BLG · April 2010

I don't think it ever does go away.

DH's grandparents babysit DS for us when we work and they always tell me not to wake him in the morning. So, if he is still sleeping, they come to our house and wait for him to wake up and then they go to their house. I hate not being able to see him in the morning. I always wonder what he thinks when it isn't me getting him out of bed in the morning. It makes it harder to go to work when I don't get to see him.

MrsAMB07 · April 2010

I'm sure it will get easier. I can't say it has for me, so maybe I'm not the best one to be posting because I've been back to work since last May and still struggle daily. But, I wanted to let you know that you're def. not the only one out there and I think it's completely normal. It definitely hurts us more than them!

Echowysp · April 2010

I think it went away about a few weeks into it. Don't get me wrong, I want to be home. But I don't feel guilty anymore. He loves daycare.

eesome · April 2010

Quentin has been in daycare since he was 5 weeks old.
I cried the first week, was sad on and off since then, but I don't know if the guilt ever really went away for me.
Sometimes I feel guilty, and sometimes I don't.
After all-- you are working to provide for you child. That is a good thing.

And-- if he's home with your DH all day, that is definitely a plus. At least one parent is home with him.

mlkbride03 · April 2010

I'm fine on the easy days because we all love his DC, and I know (remind myself daily) I work so he can have a better life.

But, the guilt comes on the hard days- dealing with illnesses, missing out on special events we can't go to b/c I work, and things like that. It's definitely a hard balance.

Mrs.McLovin · April 2010

It waxes and wanes. My level has gone up because DS was bit at daycare yesterday. Made me feel horrible for leaving him there. But DH keeps reminding me that DS loves going to daycare and loves seeing his little friends. DS was throwing a huge fit when DH tried to take him home from daycare---he was having so much fun.

MegGary · April 2010

I don't feel guilty for going to work & providing for my family both financially and with medical benefits. If DD is home w/ DH when she is sick I feel good knowing she is getting the best care she can get besides me.

Do not beat yourself up for either having to work or wanting to work as well as be a mom.

deeanneharris · April 2010

It gets better soon... and then when they start school it comes around again (at least it did for me). Guilty you aren't at the school 24/7, guilty you don't have them in 400 after school activities because they all start at 3:00 and not after 5:00, the list goes on. Sad . I've been having a rough time with it lately too.

But, I do love my job so it goes in waves.

erbear · April 2010

For me, it never showed up.

I don't feel guilty AT ALL that I work. I looked hard to find a DCP that I knew would take good care of her, and we're all happier with me working.

tmp-493670500007520 · April 2010

Ive been back to work for 8 months and its still hard some days. I know when Dyl has been sick I've had the hardest times... either leaving him with dad on occasion or after he's better and taking him back to DC. Some days are tougher than others...hang in there!!!

HelenaHndbskt · April 2010

I've never felt guilty for working. Ever. We're a very happy family and I've nothing to feel guilty about. For me, I just don't see the point.

Mjmksb04 · April 2010

Why would you feel guilty? I should probably preface this with the fact that I don't *get* mommy guilt. I assume that you work to provide food, shelter, insurance and other necessities to your child. So why would you feel bad about leaving in with your H?

BuffaloKEG · April 2010

Mjmksb04:
Why would you feel guilty? I should probably preface this with the fact that I don't *get* mommy guilt. I assume that you work to provide food, shelter, insurance and other necessities to your child. So why would you feel bad about leaving in with your H?

I'm in this camp a bit. While I would love, love, love to spend more time with DD, I also love my job which helps provide for her. I know she is getting the very best care and that makes me happy. My job also makes me happy. I know that I, personally, am a better mom b/c I have a career that I enjoy outside the home. It's something for myself. That's just the way I'm personally programmed.

The first few weeks of going back to work were a little tough though-- even for me-- but it does get better. You just need to be secure in the knowledge you're doing the very best you can to provide for and take care of your family.

P.S. I never, ever think twice about leaving DD with DH.

LynnJones · April 2010

I don't really feel guilty because well I have to work, but I do feel sad some days about it. She's with family all day so that is comforting to me but it just sucks leaving her in the morning when she's full of smiles and giddy and ready to go nuts for the day! My ideal situation would be part time work or else even just 1 day off during the week would be so awesome.

Luckiest13 · April 2010

I know. I always feel guilty - even when she's not sick. I feel bad when I see other mamas outside with their kids. It doesnt go away, but it did lessen for me as she got older. Now I konw she's happy with her current situation (daycare and my mom when I'm nt home).

krys2729 · April 2010

i don't feel "guilty" per se, because that would imply that i feel like i am doing something wrong. miss DS, yes, every damn day! wish i could be with him, yes? but not more than i wish for health insurance and our home and food, no. especially when my husband cannot get health insurance through his employer. in all honesty, i would stay home if i could, but it makes it less difficult to go to work knowing that it is so completely necessary.

cmbrown · April 2010

I hate my job, but I have to work. I think that's what makes it so awful, is how much I dislike my job.

But I have been back to work since DD was 8 weeks old. Actually DH got laid off when I came back to work, so he is still home with her. But I am so jealous and wish so badly I could be home...

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