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Intro and question about adopting an older child.

joanithegreatjoanithegreat member
in Adoption

Hello everyone,

I have been lurking on this board for quite awhile and I just wanted to introduce myself.  DH and I are not legally married yet (but I still call him DH)  we have been together almost 6 years and living together for 3 (in Canada that makes us common law) we will likely get married sometime next year.  After we get married we want to adopt an older child.  I have wanted to adopt an older child since I was a teenager.  We will likely try to adopt a child that is native or part native as DH is Native (I am white) and there are many native kids in the foster care system that are waiting to be adopted, but we are open to adopting any race.

I was just wondering if anyone has adopted an older child and can offer any advice.  

Thanks in advance

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Re: Intro and question about adopting an older child.

  • GLynn2009GLynn2009
    What do you call a older child? We just completed an adoption from B.C. Canada from foster care and had a wonderful SW there who helped us to muddle through. DD is 2 1/2.
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  • joanithegreatjoanithegreat member
    We are thinking 5-11 years old, over 5 is considered special needs just due to the fact that most people want to adopt babies.
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  • candmcandm
    We adopted a 5 and 8 year old from Haiti. Do you have any specific questions? Generally, I would just suggest you do lots of reading and researching regarding potential attachment/adoption issues before committing to older child adoption.
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  • joanithegreatjoanithegreat member
    Obviously every child is different, but mostly I am curious about potential attachment issues, advice on how to make the child feel/know they are a part of the family etc.
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member

    I'm in the process of adopting an older child from Peru.  We just requested to parent an 8 year old boy.

    I highly recommend you read a few books on attachment and older child adoption.  Two that come to mind are:

    Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow; and

    Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents.

    If you are open to a child diagnosed with or at risk for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I recommend When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD.

    Another good book, but geared to parents adopting younger children is Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft.

    If you are considering international adoption, I've heard good things about Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years.

    There are many others, but these are the books which I have either read and recommend or which are most often recommended here.  Amazon has a great selection--just search "adoption" or "adoption attachment" and you'll get a ton of books.

    If you have any specific questions, I'm sure you'll get more specific answers, but these books are a great place to start.  There's also a yahoo group called "adopt older kids" (https://groups.yahoo.com/group/A_O_K/) that can be a neat resource.

     

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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    Also, my primary piece of advice is that you should have the medical files of any child you are considering adopting reviewed by a doctor who specializes in adoption.  Such a doctor should be able to help you not only evaluate the child's health, but also identify other risk factors, such as the child's likelihood of attachment issues/RAD, fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), and other risks depending on the child's background.  The doctor would also be able to help you determine if the child has any developmental or other delays, how severe they are, and what level of treatment the child might need.
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  • joanithegreatjoanithegreat member
    Thank you so much, I will definitely look into getting those books.  We have thought about international adoption (and may consider it in the future) but for now we think that DA is the best option for us. 
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  • MrsGeorgeStMrsGeorgeSt
    I totally agree with Captain Serious' recommendations- those are great books. Definitely read, read, read!!
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  • JanieJonesJanieJones

    I haven't got any specific advice for older children, but you may want to check out the following re: Canadian adoptions that I have used so far:

    Books:

    The Canadian Adoptions Guide - A Family at Last, Judith Wine

    Labours of Love - Canadians Talk About Adoption, Deborah A. Brennan (actually this one did have great stories about adopting older children, it's a compilation of adoptive family stories and perspectives from adoption professionals and birth parents.)

    ?

    and the websites

    https://www.canadaadopts.com/ who also have a facebook fanpage that gets regular updates.?

    https://www.familyhelper.net/ ?which is not laid out well, but has some great resources once you can find them

    ?

    I hope that's helpful & Welcome!?

    I am in Ontario, and just starting this journey. ?We are leaning towards domestic adoption, and looking first through our local Children's Age Society.?

    Left, Right
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