Frustrated- anyone else's DH like this?

Tnkrbelle · October 2008

     I have to vent a little, but i wonder if anyone else has this issue with their DH.

    Since the beginning it has been like this. i try not to get angry or argue with him too much but its getting old. he has no interest in being around the baby. he never wants to hold her, when she is upset he sits her in her boppy or bouncer and tries to just put a paci or bottle in her mouth to quiet her.
I keep trying to make him understand she needs love and attention too! he complains he doesnt "feel like" holding her. tonight he said he just would let her CIO...not because she wouldnt stop, he just didnt want to hold or comfort her.i always ask that when he come shome he takes her off my hands for just a few hours to give me a break, but now i dont know if i should even do this anymore,i end up taking her anyway because he ignores her. now i wonder how he is when he is alone with her. does he let her scream all day?

   Please tell me someone else has this issue, and you've figured out a way to get the point across....i'm so fed up.

1MusicMaker · October 2008

I'm sorry you're going through this--I can't even imagine how hard that must be! He kind of sounds like a douche...do you think he is just not sure how to handle a baby? As in, he isn't sure what techniques to use to calm her down? Maybe try reading sections of Happiest Baby on the Block together so it doesn't seem like you are "teaching" him--and that way he can pick up ways to soothe her.

renandrj · October 2008

I have not had that issue but I can see how you are becoming very frustrated with DH. Maybe you can print out some info on how bad it is to let a one month old CIO. Maybe if he sees it in print what the Dr.'s say about it he will realize he is hurting DC. GL

Tnkrbelle · October 2008

honestly all he says is ' i cant wait til she is older so i can interact with her. she's boring right now".... and he is actually very good at soothing her, better than me even. he just doesn't want to.

tyswife306 · October 2008

I don't have this issue, my DH is a little over the top at times with dd, always thinking something is wrong with her. The other day, DEAD SERIOUS he asked me if something was wrong with her because she was sticking her tongue out too much. He thought she might have some kind of mental disability..... I constantly have to tell him she's FINE!!

Anyhow, maybe he is unsure of his parenting skills. I know my DH always gets upset if he can't calm DD down and then says that "I'm a good mom and he's a bad dad."

Maybe once she's a little older he'll feel more comfortable jumping in and taking care of her.

TheSkimmy · October 2008

Lots of men have trouble when they are that little. Trust me it does get better- in a little while they can hold their head up and do more. Men sometimes think they are gonna "break" the baby when they are that young. Good luck!!!

BartsGirl · October 2008

Honestly, I;d be very disappointed if my DH acted like that. I think you need to sit down with him when you aren't upset and explain to him how hurt you are that he has no interest in caring for or spending time with his daughter. Then explain that this is a team effort as she is not just your daughter and you can't just pick and choose when you want to be a father. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It also sounds like quite a bit of immaturity...

Tnkrbelle · October 2008

thanks ladies. i figure he is kind of nervous with her, i just wish he would keep on trying. i had never been around a baby before DD, and i had no one teach me how to hold or comfort her when she cries.... so i definitely know how he feels. i'm just exhausted and wish he would be more caring with her, just be with her in general.

Tnkrbelle · October 2008

Barts- thats exactly it, i feel hurt. but i mainly worry how long this will go on. how old is old enough for him to finally be around her? he is definitely immature and i'm tired of that.

proudarmywife08 · October 2008

oh my gosh I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Try talking with your DH about why it upsets you and why its not good for DC. I have to admit though that my DH does things with DD that I would not do (putting her down when she wants...not needs... to be held for example) and I used to get bugged by it and upset but it took me a while to realize that he is her parent too and sometimes what he does works. I realize that letting a one month old cry and scream is not working and not good and that "plugging" her when she cries is not good either, but I just wanted to say that sometimes they try other techniques than we do. Talk to him and explain to him that we don't get to choose when we feel like being parents, we're parents now 24/7 and should act like it. Good luck and I wish you the best.

BartsGirl · October 2008

Yeah is it 2 months...6 months...16? The bottom line is, you didn't create he by yourself...he had a hand in it and also has to have a hand in raising her. You can't do it on your own or you will end up resenting him and it could end your marriage. You definitely need to sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Maybe there is something he isn't saying that explains his behavior...

kLuVsS · October 2008

my hubby was like that in the beginning too. it led to many fights because i was annoyed & felt bad for ouy daughter. my hubby's excuse was he didn't want to pick her up because he doesn't want to spoil her. he thinks that by carrying her around, especially if she's sleepy, she'll always want to be carried.i understand what you're going through. i just kept talking to him about & he's slowly changing.

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