Starting to feel bad about NOT putting LO in daycare

albl508 · April 2010

Hi ladies, here is a vent for you.

My husband, son and I went to the park this afternoon. He is almost 14 months old and doesn't really say much....just babbles. Anyway, we go over to the baby swing and there is another mom with her daughter and her daughter points at my son and goes "mommy! Look, a baby!" So the mom asks me how old ds is and I say "almost 14 months, how about your daughter?" She said "15 months". Indifferent

To me her daughter seemed SO much older than my son. My son is so scared and holds on to me and whines anytime we go anywhere and all the other babies are running around getting into trouble. This little girl was running all over the place, talking, laughing, having a good time and my son wanted to leave as always.

I work full time but he stays with my mom and for the first whole year he went with me to work. Anyone think there is a correlation of social skills linked to daycare? Is there something I should be doing? I know there are mommy groups but I feel like by the time I get home, cook supper and wash up, it's time for bed. Sorry this was so long. I just feel guilty.

Kateysomething · April 2010

Hmm. I really think it depends on the child, but I'm sure daycare/being around other kids may have more of an impact on some than others, depending on personality and what not.

I'm a SAHM most of the time, and DD has always been very expressive and verbal and sociable. We don't have an official/formal 'socialization' schedule or anything. Once in a while I'll watch my friend's kids when her DCP isn't available, and we'll do play dates once in a while, but that is about all.

mrs.bridgettkay · April 2010

I personally don't think how soon a child talks has to do with daycare. My DD is 16 months and only says three words. The pediatrician said that some kids are saying a lot at 18 months and some are saying hardly anything. It really depends on the kid. I do like daycare for the social aspect. However, I think that a child's personality comes into play when they are around other kids. DD usually warms up to kids fast but sometimes it can take her a little bit.

macchiatto · April 2010

I think you really can't go based off just comparing two different kids (especially different genders, since girls do tend to talk earlier than boys!). One on one attention from one loving adult is really beneficial, too. Daycare can be very positive for kids if it's the right kind of place, but you can offer your kids plenty of socialization opportunities without putting them in DC. Any chance your mom would be game for some play dates?

Socialize on the weekends? I'm a SAHM so it's different but we do play dates during the week, I have adult friends over as well, the boys are in the church nursery on Sunday mornings, etc.

Brookie-Cookie · April 2010

I think it's more personality of the kid. It couldn't hurt to get him in a group activity or something though. Maybe your mom can take him to story time t the library or find a toddler gym drop in thing at a community centre? (ours has one for 2 bucks a kid for 2 hours every Saturday)

albl508 · April 2010

I thought I was overreacting but I knew I could count on you guys to reassure me. I can tell my son is very smart but he is extremely shy. You are right, comparing 2 is just not going to do it. I just could not imagine my son talking like that little girl was. I just always think he's still my little baby and it's amazing to me that they are capable of talking that much.

Symharmony · April 2010

I've worked in day cares in the past mainly with the infants and toddlers. It really depends on the child. Girls tend to be more verbal sooner than boys, but it isn't always the case. My first DS was talking by 8 months, and I'm a SAHM. My second DS says mama and dada. He also babbles a lot, and sometimes I think I hear recognizable words during his vocalization. Babies tend to focus on one skill at a time, so while some may talk early others are walking early. Don't beat yourself, you're not doing anything wrong. It's just your LO's personality. In time, he'll be talking and doing things on his own without clinging to you.

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Mrs.McLovin · April 2010

B is so much more social when he is going to daycare! He was out of daycare for a while there when DH was laid off. Once he went back, he saw the others kids doing things---walking, talking and eating with silverware. Within a month, he was doing this. I think daycare helped with this, but some of it is just him and that he was ready. Every child is different.

esutton76 · April 2010

Please don't feel bad about this. My DS is 14 months old and only says a few words and the rest of the time he is talking gibberish. At first I felt like a bad mom, but than realized that all babies talk at different ages, so I snapped out of it.

BTW, my son stays home with my DH and doesn't spend much time around other kids.

Danie.T · April 2010

I don't think being in daycare necessarily makes for an advanced kiddo. DD has never been in daycare, but loves being around other kids. Nursery at church is always a big hit. I worried a bit too thinking she was behind others her age. However, lots of people think she is older than she is after just watching her interact with adults/kids/life.

NicholeeK · April 2010

First off, I think that your DS will be more independent once he's into his 14th month. They go through a big brain development at 13 months which can make babies very clingy and whiny but then after that they are more independent. I couldn't put DS down while I peed before 14 months and now he is much more independent and adventurous. Also girls tend to talk earlier than boys do, so I don't you should compare that either. I don't even know if DS has any words and he JUST started really babbling. Anyway, I SAH with DS and we do go to mommy group things and other activities with him-- I see LOs that are all raised by SAHMs... some are super outgoing and talkative and others are shyer and take a while to warm up. I would have your mom take him to a group activities during the week (library time, music classes, gymnastics, etc) for socialization if you want him to be around more babies. I think they do pick up some stuff seeing other kids, but I'm sure they'd all get there eventually anyway. Oh and you should keep going to the park... maybe try to go when it's not so crowded... DS is always clingy when we go somewhere new, but once we've been there a few times he recognizes it and gets more adventurous.

JLS0320 · April 2010

I actually wrote this almost exact post earlier today. DS and I joined Gymboree and all he does is cry or sit like a lump the whole time while all the other kids interact, laugh and are walking (DS doesn't walk yet). I was really getting upset. I also work full time and my mom watches DS. We joined Gymboree last week, my mom takes him to one class, I do the Sat. class and one free play day to try and get him some interaction w/ other kids. My dad will be taking him to swim classes once a week as well. I hope it helps bring him out of his shell, because he is an entirely different child at home or w/ people he knows well. GL!

susanmosley · April 2010

Don't feel bad about not putting your kid in daycare.

albl508 · April 2010

Thank you so much ladies. You have no idea how much you girls make me feel better compared to my IRL friends.

eris1995 · April 2010

I don't think day care has anything to do with it. I SAH. My son is 15 months old and mostly just babbles. He says "cat" and "hi" but not very often. My friend's daughter is 16 months. She works PT and her daughter is with her MIL during the day. Her daughter has the vocabulary of a 2 year old and says small sentences. Every kid developes different and has different personalities.