Because I consider this my 'home base' board ...

jacksjerseygirl · April 2010

It was brought to my attention that I often respond in a non-helpful, contrived, condescending, know-it-all, bitchy, rude tone to people's posts (I think that sums it up lol)

I want to honestly say that I did not know that my e-personality/tone came across this way until yesterday.

I sincerely am going to better focus when I respond/post and I want y'all (original midwestern girl) to know that the above tone was not my intention and it was not personal.

If I (or anyone) wrongs/upsets you then PM - that way I/they know and you can clear it before it becomes some deep e-hatred.

I'm also considering posting a joke of the day in order to help show off my humorous side (okay, scratch that idea - I don't know any jokes haha).

safy · April 2010

Hmm...I never saw you as that way at all. Perhaps I see your e personality as similar to mine. I speak bluntly and sarcastically all the time. I think it's awful nice of you to make this post, but remember, you can't please everyone. Wink

Some people just like being negative nellies no matter how hard you try.

jacksjerseygirl · April 2010

safy:
Hmm...I never saw you as that way at all. Perhaps I see your e personality as similar to mine. I speak bluntly and sarcastically all the time. I think it's awful nice of you to make this post, but remember, you can't please everyone. Some people just like being negative nellies no matter how hard you try.

I think that there needs to be fonts that reflect tone lol Also, in chrome I can't use smilies.

I think that since it was many people who felt this way about me - that it makes it a bit more true and not just a negative nellies. While I don't appreciate how I discovered this feelings - I do take to heart if that is how I am coming across because it wasn't intentional.

Anyway thank you for the first response not being another 'yeah you're a *** and I hate you' post haha :-)

safy · April 2010

I'm not trying to kiss your ass or anything but I think you're one of the nicer personalities I've met on message boards. I've been on various message boards for well over a decade, and even admin a few of them in that time. It's taken a lot of patience and tongue (or is it finger?) biting to realize that it's a big big world out there filled with many people that have different personalities and opinions than I do. Some are kinder than others, but it doesn't mean *I* have to be among the not so kind ones hiding behind my screen and letting loose on someone that I do not agree with...at least not all the time anyway. Stick out tongue

jacksjerseygirl · April 2010

When I first started on the board, it was with many peeps who are now on 12-24 or have moved to some other board now. There was a lot of harshness, calling people out, making people feel dumb or like bad moms - and I always thought I would never be like that but I guess intentionally not 'being like that' and being 'perceived 'as being like that are different.

I think I just get carried away when 'trying to help' and end up unloadeig my brain which doesn't come across well all the time.

It is one thing to intentionally have 'that' tone. I won't apologize for my life or beliefs - but I didn't intend to have 'that' tone.

G's up and it's time to enjoy some more of this sun!! :-))

HarrietNJMommy · April 2010

I didn't even notice. But then again, I let most things roll off my back.

I actually think this is one of the better boards.

kem717 · April 2010

I agree with PP, I like this board best. Not too many "crazy" personalities. I don't find you annoying, the only thing that I didn't like was your response to that cashier. But I think enough people gave you a hard time about it. Carry on with yourself... lol

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

Honestly, when I'm reading responses to a post, I don't even have to scroll to the side or down to know it's from you. You do have an identifiable e-personality. I have not thought about describing it and wouldn't do so because it is difficult to learn about someone through typing. I keep this in mind.

The only time I was "put off" by you (that's how I would describe it), is when you responded to TobeMrs.Shavers post about parenting clases: real or funny. When I read it, yours was the last post after a good number of responses from regular posters. Here's what you wrote and here was my response:

jacksjerseygirl:As an adoptive parents - we were required to take parenting classes and some we took voluntarily including infant CPA/first aid. I think it really is a shame that adoptive parents are required to have background checks, parenting classes and over-all be more educated about children/babies than biological parents. It seems that all parents should be required to be that trained/educated before being allowed to parent. It might prevent a lot of unfortunate situations for children.

I'm sure the above posters went to plenty of classes and/or read a lot about parenting. I know personally I went to every class offered including newborn care and CPR/first aid. That being said, there are plenty of situations that just aren't covered in classes-Multitasking while Nursing, What to do when baby poops in the bathtub. I think this post was more about those situations-ones that you just have to learn on your own. This post is not an expose on how uneducated biological parents must be. Im sorry you've taken it that way. It is clear that people posting on this board are very conscientious and are constantly educating themselves in order to do the best for their child. Glad you haven't had any situations that you haven't known how to deal with yet though. :-)

Ok back to now: I posted this because we had the last responses and I wasn't sure if you saw it or if anyone else did.

I found your response offensive because it followed many posters with funny and real classes they would have liked. You took a fairly funny post and turned it into something really different. It felt like a direct attack on those posters and even though I wasn't one of them, I have a lot of respect for them as mothers. My response to yours became sarcastic at the end and I apologize for that.

So that's the gist of how I feel FWIW. I will continue to take each of your posts as a clean slate opportunity to learn about you and from you.

MAprincess · April 2010

I have actually seen you as honest and helpful. I never felt that you were negative or rude. Maybe you just gave someone the truth that didn't want to hear it? Don't worry about that- we think you are great!

mandymack · April 2010

What?!?!?

Wow, I never would've described your posts as any of those words... it's always interesting to me how people can be so negatively perceived based only on written communication, which is lacking in the two most important parts of communication as a whole: inflection/tone and non-verbal.

Could it be that we naturally assume the worst, are overly sensitive, and/or just incredibly insecure in order to get that worked up over the opinions of virtual strangers?!? I think arguments and disagreeing is natural and normal but berating someone is so uncool. I will never understand why we can't all have mutual respect for each other enough not to cross that line. Totally baffles me...

I'm glad you are here and sticking around as I love how much you participate and how many original ideas you've brought forth that I have adopted myself. And, for whatever it's worth, I immediately picked up on your carefree, sarcastic, light-hearted, HELPFUL tone from your very first post!

BeanieWeanie · April 2010

jacksjerseygirl:
It was brought to my attention that I often respond in a non-helpful, contrived, condescending, know-it-all, bitchy, rude tone to people's posts (I think that sums it up lol)

You're not that bad! lol

I think you usually have something useful to say, but I admit that some of your posts have seemed to have an edge to them (maybe not so much on this board - maybe I'm getting this from posts on 6-12?). FWIW, I think that's what makes you memorable though. Stick out tongue

jenifairies · April 2010

I'm sorry. I wouldn't like someone talking about me elsewhere, so I shouldn't have done it to you. A lot of your posts rub me the wrong way - I'm sure it's not your intention, but it comes across to me as holier-than-thou. Maybe it's just tone, I don't know.

Again, sorry. That was totally bitchy of me.

eta - Not that it matters, because I started it, but that your op not a direct quote. I'll claim what I said, but that wasn't all me.

jacksjerseygirl · April 2010

hellopoppyseed:
Honestly, when I'm reading responses to a post, I don't even have to scroll to the side or down to know it's from you. You do have an identifiable e-personality. I have not thought about describing it and wouldn't do so because it is difficult to learn about someone through typing. I keep this in mind.
The only time I was "put off" by you (that's how I would describe it), is when you responded to TobeMrs.Shavers post about parenting clases: real or funny. When I read it, yours was the last post after a good number of responses from regular posters. Here's what you wrote and here was my response:
jacksjerseygirl:
As an adoptive parents - we were required to take parenting classes and some we took voluntarily including infant CPA/first aid.
I think it really is a shame that adoptive parents are required to have background checks, parenting classes and over-all be more educated about children/babies than biological parents. It seems that all parents should be required to be that trained/educated before being allowed to parent. It might prevent a lot of unfortunate situations for children.

I'm sure the above posters went to plenty of classes and/or read a lot about parenting. I know personally I went to every class offered including newborn care and CPR/first aid. That being said, there are plenty of situations that just aren't covered in classes-Multitasking while Nursing, What to do when baby poops in the bathtub. I think this post was more about those situations-ones that you just have to learn on your own. This post is not an expose on how uneducated biological parents must be. Im sorry you've taken it that way. It is clear that people posting on this board are very conscientious and are constantly educating themselves in order to do the best for their child. Glad you haven't had any situations that you haven't known how to deal with yet though. :-)

Ok back to now: I posted this because we had the last responses and I wasn't sure if you saw it or if anyone else did.

I found your response offensive because it followed many posters with funny and real classes they would have liked. You took a fairly funny post and turned it into something really different. It felt like a direct attack on those posters and even though I wasn't one of them, I have a lot of respect for them as mothers. My response to yours became sarcastic at the end and I apologize for that.

So that's the gist of how I feel FWIW. I will continue to take each of your posts as a clean slate opportunity to learn about you and from you.

Yeah see - just wasn't my intention. I didn't realize that a post asking about what parenting classes you took or would have liked to take was meant to be funny. Maybe there was a chance that I was in the process of typing my too-serious thought-out post when all the other responses came in and I missed the boat on the tone? I don't know.

I just answered with the classes we took and I guess ... when it comes to parenting classes and the like - I take them pretty seriously since we HAD TO take them seriously - then you see on TV all the stories about things that happen to LOs and you wonder ... if everyone had to take them - would there be less violence/issues.

Thanks for the specific example :-) I do see what you are talking about.

babypuplove · April 2010

IMO, quite a few of your posts have come across as sounding superior, but like others have said, we are internet strangers, so there's no need to be anything but civil.

Anyway, I have gotten some great info from you, mostly on essential oils and cleaning tips, which I truly appreciate. In general, when I feel that you are being a little "holier-than-thou", I just move on to the next post.

The one exception was a slightly obnoxious post that stood out to me a few days ago. I was asking about using nicknames for objects with your children. You then explained how you refuse to do such a thing, you have read lots of books to Grant and always speak properly to him, and therefore he has an exceptional vocabulary and has been speaking since the age of 6 months. I clarified that I do not speak baby talk to my daughter, I in fact speak in completely proper sentences and also love to read to her, but we have nicknames for a few objects around the house. I kind of felt like you were pointing out what an intelligent parent you were vs. silly old me who uses a few funny words with her daughter. I definitely wasn't upset by any means, but it did give me a glimpse into your online personality, so to speak.

jacksjerseygirl · April 2010

jenifairies:
I'm sorry. I wouldn't like someone talking about me elsewhere, so I shouldn't have done it to you. A lot of your posts rub me the wrong way - I'm sure it's not your intention, but it comes across to me as holier-than-thou. Maybe it's just tone, I don't know.
Again, sorry. That was totally bitchy of me.
eta - Not that it matters, because I started it, but that your op not a direct quote. I'll claim what I said, but that wasn't all me.

Don't be sorry. I'm half sorry I came across that post and half glad that I did.

I admit - it stung to see those words used to describe me. And, not to be offensive to those who posted their opinions about me - but I don't really know or recognize the names of any of them - it is one thing if I MEANT to be 'all of those things' - so that part upset me the most (that I didn't mean to come off like that)

However, the comments about me flaunting wealth because I have mentioned that I do use a cleaning service, or that G has a large book library ... I won't apologize for that. Those were cheap and childish/jealous comments. BUT, I get where others were coming from (the above description lol).

So, I don't think you have anything to be sorry for because I'm kind of glad I saw it.

I don't want this post to turn into a big thing (either way - people saying they don't see that or people showing me all the times I was bitchy (I would have rathered known at the time - not 100 posts hitting me at once lol).

You're okay ;-) Don't worry about it and even though a general apology comes off contrived - I didn't mean to offend.

LoriFalce · April 2010

You know, I think it says a lot about you as a person that you responded to this the way you did. Most people get defensive about it, but you looked inwardly, admitted that there could be ways you could improve and make the community a better place, and that's incredibly admirable. More people (me included) should take criticism constructively, whether it's intended that way or not.

MamatoJackson · April 2010

I'll just say that I appreciate this post.

hellopoppyseed · April 2010

jacksjerseygirl:

hellopoppyseed:
Honestly, when I'm reading responses to a post, I don't even have to scroll to the side or down to know it's from you. You do have an identifiable e-personality. I have not thought about describing it and wouldn't do so because it is difficult to learn about someone through typing. I keep this in mind.
The only time I was "put off" by you (that's how I would describe it), is when you responded to TobeMrs.Shavers post about parenting clases: real or funny. When I read it, yours was the last post after a good number of responses from regular posters. Here's what you wrote and here was my response:
jacksjerseygirl:
As an adoptive parents - we were required to take parenting classes and some we took voluntarily including infant CPA/first aid.
I think it really is a shame that adoptive parents are required to have background checks, parenting classes and over-all be more educated about children/babies than biological parents. It seems that all parents should be required to be that trained/educated before being allowed to parent. It might prevent a lot of unfortunate situations for children.
I'm sure the above posters went to plenty of classes and/or read a lot about parenting. I know personally I went to every class offered including newborn care and CPR/first aid. That being said, there are plenty of situations that just aren't covered in classes-Multitasking while Nursing, What to do when baby poops in the bathtub. I think this post was more about those situations-ones that you just have to learn on your own. This post is not an expose on how uneducated biological parents must be. Im sorry you've taken it that way. It is clear that people posting on this board are very conscientious and are constantly educating themselves in order to do the best for their child. Glad you haven't had any situations that you haven't known how to deal with yet though. :-)
Ok back to now: I posted this because we had the last responses and I wasn't sure if you saw it or if anyone else did.
I found your response offensive because it followed many posters with funny and real classes they would have liked. You took a fairly funny post and turned it into something really different. It felt like a direct attack on those posters and even though I wasn't one of them, I have a lot of respect for them as mothers. My response to yours became sarcastic at the end and I apologize for that.
So that's the gist of how I feel FWIW. I will continue to take each of your posts as a clean slate opportunity to learn about you and from you.

Yeah see - just wasn't my intention. I didn't realize that a post asking about what parenting classes you took or would have liked to take was meant to be funny. Maybe there was a chance that I was in the process of typing my too-serious thought-out post when all the other responses came in and I missed the boat on the tone? I don't know.

I just answered with the classes we took and I guess ... when it comes to parenting classes and the like - I take them pretty seriously since we HAD TO take them seriously - then you see on TV all the stories about things that happen to LOs and you wonder ... if everyone had to take them - would there be less violence/issues.

Thanks for the specific example :-) I do see what you are talking about.

Thanks for your response. I personally took my parenting classes very seriously and based on the posts I see on here, I think other posters take parenting/parenting classes very seriously. I understand what you are saying about stories on the news and parents lacking education. (maybe I'm naive but I don't think anyone on the SAHM board has been on the news lately and thats kinda what I thought you were saying-that our children were in danger because WE were lacking in education since there were classes we wished we had). The post was called "Funny or Serious POLL: Parenting Classes," and most of the responses were about fictional classes. Maybe you responded without reading the other posts-I do that sometimes.

I wish every parent was educated too. The conscientious educate themselves and the others do not. I don't know how that could change. After your post, I was thinking about it and from a lawyer's perspective, I don't think it would be constitutional to legislate a requirement for parenting classes either (kinda like saying only blond/blue eyed people can have babies-not the same but slippery slope). Anyway your response back to back with the PPs made me think you were referencing those other bumpies in the post. I'm glad that's not the case. I'm sorry if I just over-explained. Just don't want to be misunderstood on here-it seems like it is easy to misunderstand/be misunderstood on here. That's all from me. Hope you don't have any more trouble setting the tone you want and having people understand it!

axr8111 · April 2010

Uh Oh, if you you think YOU'RE bad, I wonder what people think of me....NO I'm not asking for opinions ladies because honestly I don't care. I like you, never mean to come off wrong but it's going to happen. The thing is, this is a chat room, we are never face to face and sometimes it's hard to get what we mean across via just written word on a chat room board. Sometimes we don't read the original post all the way through or the following responses before we type and so we can miss the main point of a post. Sometimes our minds are elsewhere and we may be venting in the wrong places. Like the post about taking classes... I never saw the original but the stuff posted here didn't seem bad. I totally know what you mean... I've thought the same thing that why do we need a license to drive a car but not to have children. I of course don't mean that I'd like these real restrictions of course but it just makes a point that a lot of people (not necessarily this board but moms in general) are very uneducated when it comes to having kids. Anyway, my point is that this board is great because while some of the things people write could possibly offend others, I think most of us regulars can brush it off as a bad moment, a misinterpretation of something along the lines, or just plain honesty as opposed to just snarky to be snarky like we often see on other boards. So sorry you feel attacked but know that I have never taken offense...or if I have and don't remember, then I obviously brushed it off as being one of the things mentioned above and hope that others will give me the same slack when I come off the wrong way.

mdepping · April 2010

I agree with safy, I never saw you as that way either! I have found a lot of your posts to be helpful. I also think you are one of the nicer personalities I have come across on here.

ariel06 · April 2010

LoriFalce:

You know, I think it says a lot about you as a person that you responded to this the way you did. Most people get defensive about it, but you looked inwardly, admitted that there could be ways you could improve and make the community a better place, and that's incredibly admirable. More people (me included) should take criticism constructively, whether it's intended that way or not.

I completely agree. A sarcasm font would definately be helpful!

Mrs.Hizzo · April 2010

Hmm. I recognize your siggy from 12-24 and can honestly say I've never noticed this about you. So don't sweat it too much. Big Smile

susanmosley · April 2010

babypuplove:
IMO, quite a few of your posts have come across as sounding superior, but like others have said, we are internet strangers, so there's no need to be anything but civil.
Anyway, I have gotten some great info from you, mostly on essential oils and cleaning tips, which I truly appreciate. In general, when I feel that you are being a little "holier-than-thou", I just move on to the next post.
The one exception was a slightly obnoxious post that stood out to me a few days ago. I was asking about using nicknames for objects with your children. You then explained how you refuse to do such a thing, you have read lots of books to Grant and always speak properly to him, and therefore he has an exceptional vocabulary and has been speaking since the age of 6 months. I clarified that I do not speak baby talk to my daughter, I in fact speak in completely proper sentences and also love to read to her, but we have nicknames for a few objects around the house. I kind of felt like you were pointing out what an intelligent parent you were vs. silly old me who uses a few funny words with her daughter. I definitely wasn't upset by any means, but it did give me a glimpse into your online personality, so to speak.

I'm just going to say this was the straw for me too.

But JJG, I feel bad that feelings were hurt and that you were misunderstood, and i respect this post.

sassy_mommy · April 2010

I sometimes catch myself shaking my head and thinking, "yeah, I love what she says." It often seems that you do know what you're talking about and I don't see any reason to apologize. I've taken you as a helpful person and I'm glad to read what you have to say! Smile

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · April 2010

I actually left my original "home board" because of someone that could be described as that. Every post she had something to say that was personal opinion, high and mighty, and all around not helpful. You, however, haven't come across that way to me and if you ever have it wasn't enough to make a lasting impression.

lms_bride · April 2010

JJG - Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You seem to be taking all this constructive criticism with grace but I'm sure it's a little unsettling to hear all these opinions about your "e-personality" from people you don't know, especially on a board that you consider your "home board". You are a great contributor to our board and while I don't always agree with your opinions and advice (and vice versa I'm sure!) please know that your contributions are valuable.

I hope you are having a good weekend!

LiLnikkiMe · April 2010

jacksjerseygirl:

...non-helpful, contrived, condescending, know-it-all, bitchy, rude tone to people's posts (I think that sums it up lol)

lol i don't think these words really describe you at all!

i actually think your honest and helpful, and one of the better personalities on the board.

DarcyLongfellow · April 2010

I've always liked you, and I enjoy reading your posts. My impression of you is that you're a bit older and more mature than many bumpies, so you get fed up with a lot of the drama and childishness (on the month boards, not on this board). I feel the same way, so maybe that's why I like you!

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