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Adoption
A few quick questions!
Hi there,
I have a few questions for everyone here.
1. Is anyone pursuing adoption before trying to have biological children? Please know that I mean no offense by this question, adoption is a beautiful thing no matter the stage in your journey for a family. I was mostly asking because my husband and I have not yet tried for our own children and he seems to think it's impossible to adopt without first trying for biological children.
and
2. Is it common to have agencies that are not nationwide but instead state specific. I'm just starting to learn about the process and would like to at least begin with paperwork and such in the next 6 months to a year but I know we'll be moving from Maine to New York in the next 2 years or so. Would it be better to hold off on everything till after our eventual move? Would a recent move look bad to an agency if we begin right after moving to NY? Or should we look towards an agency that is nationwide so that information can be moved over if it needs to be?
TIA for any comments, thoughts or help you can offer! Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!
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Re: A few quick questions!
1) Yes. We are leaning toward not TTC for health reasons, and I think Go_Dawgs is in the same boat (hopefully she'll jump in too -- I don't want to speak for her).
There are many families out there who choose to adopt for reasons other than infertility.... Sometimes they are called "preferential adopters" by those in the adoption community. I don't like that phrase at all, but that's the phrase I've seen most often. If you Google the phrase, you'll turn up some blog entries from APs who've chosen to adopt prior to trying to conceive biological children (some went on to TTC later, others chose only to adopt).
It's not impossible to adopt without first TTC. There are probably some social workers out there who find it odd, so you'd just have to make sure that the social worker you used for a homestudy didn't have any strange problem with it.
ETA: I know you didn't mean any offense by it, but just a heads-up that the phrase "your own children" is not a good one, because it implies that adopted children are somehow less than the parents' children. Just call them biological children.
Oh sorry I knew that! I usually make a point of being sensitive to that.... mistake on my part!!!
1. We did not, but there are some people who post here who are pursuing adoption without TTC first.
2. Agency types run the gamut. We looked at 2 agencies, one of which was only in our state, one of which has offices in 7 states in our region. And then there are the nationwide agencies. The only advice I would give you is that, if you move in the middle of the process, you will either have to redo or update your homestudy, no matter which type of agency you use. If you are far enough in the process an agency in ME may still finish up with you in NY, or may refer you to another agency. Best bet is to talk to some agencies and see what their policies are about this type of thing. We almost had this happen with a potential move to a different state (and our agency didn't have offices in the new state). They would have had us work with the closest state, and we would have to update our homestudy.
1. We were TTC for a year and then decided that adoption is the right path for us.
2. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of information about agencies as ours was friend and church recommended and we fell in love with them at the first meeting we had. Good luck on your search though!
No worries! You used one phrase once in the post and then the other phrase twice, so I didn't think you meant to offend -- I just wanted to warn you since people can be very sensitive about the phrase.
Welcome to the board, by the way!!
Thank you for the helpful information! It certainly gives us some stuff to discuss as far as moves go!
Thank you!
Thank you!
We are in the process of adopting our first, and we have never TTC. It's a bit of a long story as to how we ended up here, but in a nutshell we already know that I have some fertility issues. They may be easily resolved by meds, but for now adoption just feels right to us. I do think one day we'll try to have a bio child, but if that doesn't work, we would be excited to continue building our family through adoption.
Agencies vary. Some have many locations throughout the country and others have only one location. Some work with out of state families, and others require that you live in a certain area. Adoption typically takes less than two years from start to finish, so you would most likely adopt before your move (although you never know). We are working with a consultant who has an average time of 3 - 6 months from home study completion until placement, and less if you are open to children with African American heritage. I wouldn't put your adoption plans on hold for two entire years if you are ready to start a family now, but be sure to work with an agency or facilitator who you will be able to continue working with after moving. Keep in mind that you will need a new home study or at least a home study update after moving to a new state.
Good luck!
Hi. I live in Maine too! We had to use one agency for the homestudy and a second (out of state) for placement. If you try to use just the in-state agency for both, I have been told that you are on a 3-5 year waiting list because they only place children from Maine. I think there was one exception, but I did not hear very positive things about them. If you would like to contact me directly for more Maine-specific info, please let me know.
As for not TTC before, my only thought would be this: the adoption process, at least for me, was long (still in it) and emotional. I had to first reconcile my ambivalent feelings about the process (which, though I understand why, at times felt invasive) and the idea of the birth family. I have now made a complete turn around and not only have I accepted the idea of a birth family involvement, but embrace it. Anyway, for me at least, this was a process. Although I am so happy now about adoption and cannot wait to get that call, I think I would have opted for an easier path towards parenthood if that was an option. This may just be me, though, and maybe it was easier for others. I really hope that I did not offend anyone by saying these things. This was just my experience.
Good luck and let me know if you need any Maine adoption help.
Just sent you a PM !