By far the hardest thing I've ever had to do,,,,

I'm losing my Grandpa and I don't really know how I am going to handle it. He's got a rare brain disease called Pick's that attacks and deteriorates random spots of his brain. When I was little we were absolutely inseperable and when he started with the amnesia spells I was the only person he knew. He didn't even know who my grandma was. Those spells came and went a few times, but leaving his brain scarred each time. As the years have gone by his mental age has decreased. The doctors told us 12 years ago that eventually he would revert back to being a baby and something little would probably end up taking him because his body as so healthy. I would say that he is now about the metal age of a 9 or 10 month old and has been for th past 5 years. He can walk (which now that he is sick he's no able to do), but he has not been able to feed, bathe, clothe or take care of himself in at least 6 years. He hasn't even been able to speak that long either, but you always know what he thinks by his eyes. He's my Pops and I really don't know if I can handle this.

When we got the call MH and I were in Missouri...2000 miles away. We didn't have the $ to fly out sooner so we had to stick with our travel arrangements. Unfortunately, there was some pretty nasty weather around Chicago and after one delayed flight we missed the connectig one. We eventually got to Portland, Or at 2:30 am yeasterday morning and still had to drive home. The passes were terrible and we didn't pull into town until 6:20. Then we came home, took and shower andheaded straight for the hospital. Finally, after being up for nearly 32 hours we took a nap arounf noon soI could head to work. I told my boss what was going on and he wouldn't let me have the day off....

My family had been telling him that I was coming. I got there and his little sunken in eyes lit up. Everywhere I moved he watched me. I laid down with him and told him that I love him, that Kent is taking good care of me (and he looked straight up at Kent and gave him the most stern look lol!), I told him I'd take care of Grandma, but that I didn't want him to hurt anymore. I had to let him go. It would be so selfish of me to ask him to stay. I started bawling and apologized for crying. Then, tears rolled down his cheeks. He has not been able to show any emotion in about 6 years either. Occasionally, he would giggle here and there, but even that ended 4 years ago. Almost instantly he started losing a little color and his skin got sticky. I feel like I just gave him the passport to go and I really can't stand the thought of losing him. Most peope will never unerstand the relationship we had. How many grandchildren have you met that have completely cared for the grandparent by bathing and changing diapers to physical therapy and babysitting? I love my Papa so much and I really don't know how I'm going to handle this one. When I lost my other grandma it was very hard, but telling my Papa it was ok to go and releasing him was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Please pray for my family. Even though we've known this was coming for so long there is no way to prepare for such a thing.

 Thanks for hearing me. I just needed to talk.