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Polite way to limit baby shower? (long)

Celtic EmberCeltic Ember member
in 3rd Trimester

Easter Sunday we were over at MIL for supper. I asked her if she would like an invitation to the shower my family is throwing for me in Calgary (three hours away). She looked at me like I'd lost my mind and said 'No, I'm throwing one for you here AFTER the baby is born, like you're supposed to. Showers are supposed to happen AFTER the baby is born. I'm going to talk to SIL's mom about the hall rental.'

Now, MIL usually get along really well. The idea of the baby shower after the baby? Great. No problem, even if it felt like she was putting my family down for having it ahead of time, that probably wasn't what she intended.  But renting a hall?

I don't like huge parties, neither does DH. She's talking a 100 person baby shower so she can show her first grandbaby off to her nine siblings and all of their kids and grandkids (she's the youngest.)  I do NOT want that many germs around LO when he's less then two months old. Is there a polite way of limiting the guest list? Or do I grin and bear it since this is something she really wants to do?

 

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Re: Polite way to limit baby shower? (long)

  • 2plus42plus4
    Be honest with her.  It probably won't be easy to let the words out. Say something like "I'm thankful you're wanting to do this for us, but I'd rather not have too many people very early on when the baby is so small. Can we do a smaller version before the baby arrives? This thing really makes me anxious, and I wanted to tell you how I was feeling about all of this".
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  • EmmaRainEmmaRain member

    Maybe this is a regional thing - but I've never heard of a baby shower after the baby arrives. I would honestly tell her you don't plan on bringing your baby to the shower and exposing him to that many germs. Then you could see if she only wants to throw the shower to put your child on display.

    I don't think I would turn down someone offering to throw a shower for me, but if the thought of a really large "party" type shower is not your style, you could be honest with her about that. Maybe limit it to only the people you know (since it sounds like she's throwing a grandmother shower rather than a baby shower).

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  • npaulsellnpaulsell

    I didn't know they were suppose to be done after the baby was born? Then are bridal showers suppose to be after you are married????

    As far as the guest list - is she not asking you for one? It sounds like she is just making it herself, huh? Is it a coed shower? If not, maybe you can just have DH bring LO up for an hour or so, then take him/her home.
    If you get a long fine with her, explain that you appreciate the shower but you just don't want your LO around 100+ people when s/he is so young. Hopefully she will understand.

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  • Celtic EmberCeltic Ember member

    I had always thought the shower happened before the baby too, but apparently her family does it afterwards as a 'meet the baby party'... and no, she hasn't asked me for a guest list. Glad to know I wasn't the only one scratching my head on this one.

    I'm going to talk to DH again and see how he wants to handle it. I like the idea of limiting it to a girls-only party and having DH bring LO in for an hour or so, but MIL takes offence and then dwells on things for months, so I'm trying to figure out how to do this without hearing about it at LO's wedding.

     

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  • DreaMe23DreaMe23 member

    Maybe the shower after the baby used to be done that way before u/s to tell the gender of the baby? 

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  • kwinters87kwinters87 member

    I've never heard of doing a shower after the baby is born unless the baby was born unexpectedly early.

    You can always tell your MIL that your pediatrician said no to exposing your LO to that many peole so early, she can't argue with that.

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  • julietbridejulietbride
    I agree with the other posts, how are you supposed to have the things you need for the baby with the shower after? I would throw in the pediatrician's opinion (real or not). good luck!
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  • Tulips21Tulips21

    I am pretty sure it use to be traditional to have the shower after the baby was born.  It was considered bad luck to have it before, just incase somethign went wrong.  

    Personally, I think you should just go along with whatever you MIL wants... if she wants to host a shower and have that many people- I would let her do that.  It might not be your thing, but it's important to her.   And if you are BF- the baby will have immunity from you.   In the long run, if you go along with this- she will be happy and likely you will be happy not to have an upset/offended MIL. 

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  • mysticportermysticporter
    It sounds like she wants to do more of a meet-the-baby party, and if it's traditional in their family, there you go.  Other than the germs factor (which I completely get), I'd let her do whatever she wants.  I'd talk to DH and her about your concerns there, though (presumably if this is a tradition in their family and she has so many nieces/grandnieces/nephews, they've been to quite a few of these before).  I wouldn't mind having the party, as long as the baby wasn't going to be passed around to everyone under the sun.  It's going to be awkward, though, if that's what they are expecting, and I would put my foot down that you're not going to let that happen (and if she thinks that will be rude, politely decline the shower).

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