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Parenting after a Loss
i need to grow a backbone re: MIL
MIL makes comments all the time that LO needs larger bottles and that he is always hungry. The kid is plump- he is doing just fine in the eating dept.
Yesterday she kept saying how he was hungry when he was fussing. I suggested it may be a wet diaper, but she kept shaking her head no that he was hungry. He was also rubbing his eyes and I said he just needed a nap. He had just ate 2 hours earlier. Finally, she offered to change his diaper (she had him in her arms & the diaper WAS wet) and gave him to me to nurse him. Despite thinking he was just tired and not hungry, I began to nurse him. Finally, she left and he passed out at the breast almost immediately, so I put him in his PNP for a 1.5 hour nap.
I am so angry at myself for being bullied into nursing him. I already have some self-doubt as a new mom, but I know I know my son better than her. She spends 1 day a week with him, I have spent months learning him. I am just so mad at myself for not standing up to her.
Also, each week I come home and she just holds him. It is like she won't hand him over. Every week I say I'm going to just ask for him, but I back down and chicken out. Sometimes I am home for an hour without getting to hug him hello. I have even said things like, "come to mommy" with my arms out and she just holds him tightly and talks for him.
GRRRRR. I just had to vent this.
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Re: i need to grow a backbone re: MIL
This made me burn up because it reminds me SO MUCH of my MIL. Don't beat yourself up too much, though. You probably didn't stand up to her out of some deference to either your H or her position as his mother (I'm guessing). And that's OK. Next time, you can stand up for yourself, and that will be OK too.
As for the baby hog thing, why don't you go up and take him? I did that to MIL this time and it felt SO freaking good. Good luck!
Oh boy, I use to do that with feeding all the time. My ILs would say he is hungry, so off I would trot and try to feed him. That is why I am obsessed with feeding him (not anymore) and had trouble bfing him on demand.
I would just take him from her as soon as you get home. Do it girl, don't be afraid!
I am with mh2t - I have the SAME MIL and I have totally taken Cole from her when she was playing hog games - HOW frustrating. I hope things get better soon...
Can DH have a talk with her or would that make it worse??
she sounds just like my mother. Since DD is a really skinny baby she insists every little thing is because she is hungry. I FF and she was making tons of bottles and then having to dump them because, of course, DD was not hungry! Also, DD only eats 4 oz. at a time but my Mom would make 8 oz bottles. Finally after countless wasted bottles I got so pissed and said that formula is not cheap so unless she plans on buying us canisters of formula she is going to listen to me on what to feed her. Also, if she couldn't listen to me about it then we would be the only ones feeding her.
This is your child, don't let her make you doubt yourself - you know your LO. Maybe before you pick up your LO or have an encounter like that try to take a second to remind yourself of that. GL!
Sounds like my MIL (this is a trend with us huh?!) I can't STAND feeling like I even have to ask for my baby back at the end of a work day. They should just hand them over to their mommas! These women had kids too, they should know we miss our LOs when we are away for the day.
I was just bitching to coworkers today about how I feel like MIL tries to act like a second mother to DD. Just like you... it bothers the heck out of me when she thinks she knows more about DD's needs and wants than I do.
UGH!