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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
UrbanLe1
member
Crying (from the American Academy of Pediatrics)
UrbanLe1
member
Yes, I'm jumping into this debate. Because quite simply, there's no reason not to allow a baby--even a very new one--cry for a while. I'm not saying "cry it out" or "ferber" or any of the ridiculous "methods" that people adhere to. Any "method" is problematic, because every child is different. What works for one child might be totally wrong for another. What makes your baby the happiest on the block might make someone else's a tiny little angry monster. But who cares what I have to say about it? Instead, I give you a LARGE section from the American Academy of Pediatrics. I'm sorry, but I trust the AAP far more than any "method" out there: "The best way to handle crying is to respond promptly to your infant whenever she cries during her first few months. You cannot spoil a young baby by giving her attention, and if you answer her cries for help, she'll cry less overall....[BUT]...Sometimes, if all else fails, the best approach is simply to leave the baby alone. Many babies cannot fall asleep without crying, and will go to sleep more quickly if left to cry for a while. The crying shouldn't last long if the child is truly tired. [Then the obvious alternate situations: sickness, etc]....Above all, don't take your newborn's crying personally. She's not crying because you're a bad parent or because she doesn't like you. All babies cry, often without any apparent cause. Newborns routinely cry a total of one to four hours a day. It's part of adjusting to this strange new life outside the womb. No mother can console her child every time she cried, so don't expect to be a miracle worker with your baby. Instead, take a realistic approach to the situation, line up some help, get plenty of rest, and enjoy all those wondrous moments with your child."BOTTOM LINE: Babies cry. They even need to cry. Attempting to stop all crying is not only futile but developmentally harmful. Sometimes you just need to leave them alone.I have talked at length about crying with my pediatrician (one of DC's highest rated by parents, who works at a major academic research hospital--he's amazing). My husband is a doctor as well. The idea that crying is "bad" or "means something is wrong" is simply not correct. Babies cry. Allowing them to cry for long enough to go to sleep is not bad parenting. Do everything you can to help them stop--that goes without saying. But if everything fails--you aren't a failure. Just let them cry.Flame me if you will. But my son--who I adore, dote on, worry over, just like all of you--typically cries from 3-9 minutes every night before going to sleep. Attempting to "calm him down" instead results in a 2 hour marathon of fussiness that leaves him exhausted, angry, and unable to sleep. I will let him cry--with his video monitor on, my eye on the clock. I will go in every few minutes at first. I will check to make sure he doesn't want his pacifer. I will try to shush him and jiggle him to make him comfy. But if all of that doesn't work...I will let him cry. And he will fall asleep.This is not the method for everyone. But our babies are all different, just as we are all different.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Crying (from the American Academy of Pediatrics)
I really wonder what many of the folks who posted earlier will do if they ever decide to have more than one child.
Because when I'm on my own during the day with my two girls, it's inevitable that at some moments, both of them are upset over one thing or another and I can't soothe them both at once. Am I trying to do CIO with my almost-three-week-old? Nope. In fact, I wish I could respond to her as quickly as I did for #1, when I really didn't let her cry much if at all. But there's only one of me to feed, soothe, dress, change diapers, etc. for two children, and that means someone ends up waiting, and sometimes crying over it. Sometimes it's my toddler, sometimes it's my newborn.
I don't think either one of them will end up irreparably damaged from this. If that was the case, only children would be the only ones not screwed up!
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
YESSS! This is everything I've always wanted to post/reply but have never spent the time to write it out and c&p the AAP...Baby Wise and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child use this quote from the AAP.
No flame here. This is exactly what I believe in too!
I don't think either of mine will be damaged either! Having 2 kids instead of 1 is a whole different ball game!
I'd quote you all cause you all have awesome points! Many of us have other kids (not me, but seriously--you girls deserve medals). Sometimes, we have to do things like brush our teeth, or pee, or get the groceries out of the car. AND...some babies just need a little bit of lung action.
I'm glad if this helped anyone. Seriously, I can't believe more people don't go by AAP guidelines--they're just so darn logical!
I understand that every baby is different and I don't judge anyone for making a choice that works for their family.
My baby however, has never been inconsolable. If she's crying she has a problem that I can solve for her. Maybe it's wind, boredom, hunger, just needing a little snuggle, or her dummy.
Whatever it is I've always been able to solve it, soothe her and pop her back in her crib where she drifts to sleep.
So for me the idea of a baby "needing to cry" doesn't really gel.
I understand that all babies are different and ask me again when I have another baby who isn't so easy to soothe but at this stage leaving my baby to cry when I know I can fix it, feels plain wrong.
So I think the most important thing is that every mother is an expert on her own child. Every mother knows what works best for her baby and her family.
What makes sense in one household would be utter madness in another.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I don't know if babies have a need to cry, however, sometimes it's inevitable! As lite-bright said, one of my kids could be upset at any given time and I'm only one person with 2 hands.
My DH is gone for 24 hours at a time, and my DS has been getting upset around my DD's bedtime. I put him in our room and shut the door so he won't disturb my DD. The bottom line is that he won't have attachment issues later in life because I didn't go to him asap a few times in his infancy, but my DD will remember that I left her to go to my DS. I choose to continue her story/cuddle/bedtime at a normal pace and not rush her. My DS will be fine!!
You should spend 24 hours with a colicky baby.
like i said i know every baby is different and i don't doubt that many babies cry for no reason. my point was, you know what is right for your baby and you should go ahead and do it.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old