Baby Showers

Is it bad for her to have a shower?

My SIL is pregnant with her second child. She had her first child 8 years ago with her first husband. I did not know her at that time but I do know she had a shower with her family. Is it tacky for me to throw her a shower for her second child? Before she was even pregnant, we had talked about having a shower because I love organizing and throwing parties but the more I thought about it, it feels tacky and I don't really want to do it. I think that if her husband's family wants to throw her a shower then that would be fine because they did not have anything to do with her first child. If I threw her a shower the invite list would mostly consist of family that already attended and gave gifts for her first child. Anyone encounter anything like this? What should I do? I think if I don't throw her a shower, especially because it is known that I love doing that type of thing, it will create problems between my SIL and MIL and myself. I also know though my SIL is not a very greatful person and probably expects a shower from me, which makes me almost NOT want to throw her one. Im confused!

Re: Is it bad for her to have a shower?

  • I wouldn't say it's "bad", but it's definitely inappropriate.  A shower celebrates a woman's transition to motherhood, which only happens once - even if #2 is 15 years later, a different gender, with a different father, etc.

    How nice of you want to celebrate this special time with her (even if - especially if - she's not all that grateful).  And having a shower for #2 wouldn't help someone who appears gift-grabby/demanding appear any less so, you know?  Especially when it's the same guest list as from #1.

    What you absolutely can do is host a fun, no-gifts, baby-themed tea or luncheon.  That way she gets to celebrate with all her girlfriends/family members, but there's no tacky registry & shower for a second-time Mom.

  • I think it's ok to have a low key second shower when there is a new parent involved or a gap of 6 years or more between the first child and the second. However, if you don't want to throw a shower, then don't. I'm sure someone else can host one for your SIL.
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  • do what you feel is right.  also remember, the rules for baby showers also where created when people only married once and had their children relatively close in age.

    i doubt someone who has a child 9 years ago still has anything from the 1st child.

    a shower should be a celebration of a new life and should be a reason for family and friends to come together.  that's not tacky at all.

     

  • A new life can be celebrated without a shower.
  • I think this is one of the few instances where another shower is acceptable. Espcecially if this is the father to be's first child. I might not make as big a deal out of it as the first one and invite the whole town or anything, but family and close friends would be fine since it's been 8 years since the first.

    I've seen people have a second shower for alot less time than 8 years or in the case where their 2nd pregancy was twins or something.

    That said.. if you don't care for her and think she is an  ungreatful beoch.. why would you bother? Who cares.. This is something I would only do for a very close friend or sister - that I like!

  • i think a second shower would be okay if you wanted to throw her one. i seriously doubt she has any baby stuff from 8 years ago. if you don't want to do a full blown shower you could always do like a "diaper" shower or something low-key like that.
  • For good grief, it was 8 years ago. Throw her a shower. There's still going to be things that she will need. It doesn't need to be a grand event. But I am sure that you and your SIL will be happy you had one.
  • I think if you have already talked to her about throwing her a shower, it would be rude not to, or to give it to someone else.  If you can find a polite way to back down since you feel so strongly against it, thats what I would do.  Good luck in what you decide!
  • I agree with everyone, and also think it would be great if you could get her other child (who is about 8?) involved somehow. Even just asking them to help decorate a cake or something...this will be a lot of change for this kid who has been an only child all his/her life. Anyway, as others said, so very nice to celebrate your relatives like this (even if they don't seem grateful). In this case, second shower sounds lovely.
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