Baby Showers

MIL not at all interested in planning baby shower with my mother

My babyshower is in 3 weeks.  My mom has been doing things for the babyshower for the last 2 months.  My mom called MIL to "OK" the date and location.  When my mother mailed out the invitations she called MIL to get 2 addresses from her side of the family. When my mom asked her if she received the invitation, she said.. "oh yeah, I got it"  My mom asked " Arent they adorable" MIL said" Well I havent opened it yet"  My mother was speechless and had no idea what to say...  So my mom asked for the 2 missing addresses and MIL only gave her 1 and said she would call back with the second address.  Well that was about 4 weeks ago.  My mother has been planning the shower.  Well 1 week and 1 day ago MIL asked my husband what my mothers phone number was to call and hlep plan babyshower..Ummm.. wasnt it on the invitation.... Well MIL still has yet to contact my mother.  The only thing that needs to be done is the favors, which my mother already knows what she wants.  This is my and my husband first child and I know hell is going to break loose on my husband about his mother not having anythign to do with the babyshower planning....  I know my MIL has issues with me spending more time with my family than my DH. She has made this quite clear to my DH and has been intentionally rude to me. I just dont want this to back fire on me, DH and my family.  Any words of advice??

Re: MIL not at all interested in planning baby shower with my mother

  • wow, touchy situation and unfortunately you just have to be very gracious about it. Is your MIL a very busy person normally? Either way, this is your mom's event and i'm sure she will love being the only hostess. Perhaps you, or your DH, can suggest that your MIL arrive early to the shower to help set-up or decorate and be there to greet the guests that are coming from her side of the family.  Whatever happens, take the higher road and be nice. Trust me I know that its easier said than done but you don't want to cause more drama then already exists, especially with your hormones all out of wack! :)
  • Did your mother ask your MIL if she wished to participate, or just assume that she would?  Neither your MIL nor anyone else has any obligation to throw a shower - in fact, in some parts of the country it's considered tacky for a close relative to host.
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  • Both my mom and DH mom went to the restaurant together had a lunch and went over the menu.  That was the end of "planning"

  • A pp mentioned this, but it may be that she abides by the etiquette rule that the mother of either parent shouldn't be involved in planning or hosting a shower...
  • I would let your MIL and your mom know that you're not interested in dealing with the shower planning drama.  If MIL wants to be involved, let her contact your mom and they can work it out between the two of them.  They're big girls and it shouldn't be your job to referee.  Also, this day is supposed to be about making life easier for you!  Don't let them drag you into their issues.

    Also - if one person doesn't end up getting invited to the shower, it's not the end of the world.  If you invite 30 people, probably only around 20 will attend anyway.

    If MIL's getting on your nerves, ask your DH to handle it.  That's how I deal with mine when she's in a mood, and it works every time.  People will listen to their own kids first, and other people's kids second.
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