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Cincinnati Babies
DH thinks Justin is "not normal"
He thinks he has ADHD or some variation thereof. I don't know what to think, quite honestly. I have 3 nephews that I spent a lot of time with when they were younger, but I don't think I was around them enough to compare. One of my nephews and one of my nieces have been diagnosed with ADHD, and I suspect my brother has it also, although he was never evaluated for it. So, there is a family history of it.
Justin is a highly energetic kid and he never seems to focus on much of anything. We cannot seem to get him engaged in coloring, painting, or playing with toys for more than a few minutes at a time. One thing he loves to do is read, and he will do that much longer than any other activity. On top of his short attention span, he is awful to his brother. I can be right next to the two of them, yet somehow Justin manages to pinch, scratch, bite or squeeze Tyler till he cries. He seems to take pleasure in it.
I don't know how much of this is standard toddler behavior, and what might be out of the ordinary. I know that toddlers are a challenge, but DH feels (and sometimes I agree) that Justin is more than just a handful. I've asked the pediatrician about this -- but she says that most children are not evaluated before age 4 at the earliest.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Are there specific clues I can look for and focus on? It feels like we are always on him and nothing works. I want him to be a happy, adjusted kid and maybe he is -- so how can I calm DH's fears?
Justin Thomas joined us on 8.4.07
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
Tyler Anthony arrived on 9.21.09
The Chronicles of Justin and Tyler
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DH thinks Justin is "not normal"
I dont' really have any advice for you and can't assume anything about Justin's behavior, so I will just tell you my experience and maybe some piece of it will help you.
I didn't meet oldest SS until he was 5, but is is definitely more ornery than most kids. He was assessed in 2nd grade by CCHMC for ADHD. I will say it is largely based on parental reported behavior.
His mom provided no structure for him, was not consistent in discipline and all these things aggravate ADHD. ADHD kids have a harder time with transition and take longer to adjust. With our former custody schedule (we have shraed parenting) it did help him either. After the diagnosis, she wanted to pop a pill in him and not change anything else. So...I signed us up for "Parenting ADHD" class at children's to sort of force her to attend. I still have that book...they don't like people sharing it because it is a tool the class uses for discussion, but I think it is like any book for a class...it helps some. You are more than welcome to look at it, borrow it for a little while or whatever. We can even meet at a park during the workday if you want and have a picnic. I won't have DD, but we may be able to talk more if we only have 2 LOs to take care of.
My daughter has ADHD. She was diagnosed in Kindergarten. Your pedi is right - they won't evaluate or treat till closer to school age because it's hard to tell what is energetic toddler behavior and what is a real problem.
She has a pretty classic presentation of 'combination' symptoms for a girl. Her attention span and impulse control are more of an issue than the hyperactivity.
I honestly had no idea with Sophi... I knew she had TONS of energy
but what kid doesn't? I think I missed signs because of how I parent... I was fine to jump from activity to activity to activity and she really liked to play outside so we did that.... she would just run run run run till she basically passed out for the night...
It got to be an issue in school though... she wanted to sit in her chair but she physically could not... well, not without rocking all over the place, trying to climb up on the desk, etc. And she couldn't stand in line to walk down the hall without jumping, dancing, flailing her arms, etc. See, I was fine with that kind of stuff at home.. who cares if she flails, she's having fun! She had a lot of problems talking out of turn and stuff too.
Her teacher (in a very nice way) suggested that maybe we have her evaluated (there was no "I'm a teacher and I'm diagnosing your kid so go get some drugs" like a lot of parents get). So she and the pedi talked. The pedi and I talked. Sophi and I talked. And Sophi and the pedi talked. Plus we did a whole bunch of testing stuff and in the end sure enough, she fit all the criteria for diagnosis.
Because of her heart condition (and my own hesitations) we did not opt for stimulant meds. We took a broader approach and used a low dose of tricyclic antidepressant and lots and lots of behavior modification training (for us and for her) to help us learn to deal with her behavior (to help control them and how to & when and when not to discipline) and to help her control herself.
Sorry this is so rambly...
Anyway, there is not 1 thing to look for... it's a combination of physical hyperactivity stuff and mental attention stuff... and of course things like they seem to be driven by a motor.
There are other behavior issues that can look like ADHD but are different and they put questions in all the screening stuff to detect those as well (like when kids do things like steal things of value, certain situations with lying, physically hurting others, etc)
Sorry I am so all over the place with this post!!!
If you have any specific questions please let me know (you can PM me or email powers dot hannah at gmail dot com).
Sophi's 12 now so we've been dealing with this for a long time...
hannah
Oh - and the being able to do an activity that they like for extended periods of time is really common.
I know as a parent I wanted to think "Well, she'll sit and watch TV for 4 hours if I let her... or she'll sit and paint for 2 hours... so there's no way she has ADHD... a kid with ADHD can't sit still for that long".
But they can, and they do, if it's something they really really like to do.
Katie- I am sorry you are dealing with this.... I was diagnosed with Adult ADD when I was 22. It totally changed my life- I also have a background in Special Education and have worked with many kids with ADHD and similar disorders.
Feel free to email me!
YGM!
I think we all have some level of attention difficulties from time to time. The question is when does it interfere with regular life and when can we not keep it in check? That's when ADD/ADHD diagnoses come into play. Like pp's suggested, they won't diagnose it until school age. I'd talk to your pedi about it, and if you think he needs to be evaluated by someone at Children's, then ask for the referral. Know that there is usually quite a long waiting list to be seen and evaluated.
GL!!!
My boss's son sounds a lot like Justin. Got kicked out of 4 daycares / preschools for being "violent" with the other kids: pushing, hitting and the like. Hard. Bad.
Not totally sure at what age, but he finally was diagnosed with some developmental issues (not ADHD, but I don't remember what it's called). He goes to occupational therapy, and has made some great improvements.
Katie, I don't have any advice. I feel for you, because I watched my parents go through the same thing with my brother. He is 9 years younger than me so I saw my parents as he struggled as a toddler, then with school. He had been diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, OCD, other anxiety issues, and finally Aspergers. He is a successful 18 year old kid now - he graduated high school a year early and is a few months away from graduating from beauty school.
I know you must be going through a lot right now. I just wanted to extend a [hug] and tell you that these kids grow up to be wonderful adults all the time.
Hang in there.
My sister had the same concerns with my youngest nephew. She's a teacher and knew that his behavior wasn't normal, and they tried for quite some time to get him to a child psychologist because they were so concerned, but it took some time. He is now in 1st grade and just in the last year and a half they have nailed down that he has some sensory issues that cause him to be easily overwhelmed and act out. However, I'm not at all saying that's what's going on with Justin. I don't know enough or know Justin to know what, if anything, he might be dealing with. I just wanted to share that, basically, I'm not sure there's anything they can do at this age. It's way too young to medicate and most child psychologists won't see kids this young for issues like these. But it's probably worth discussing with your pedi again. Maybe he or she will have some suggestions for things you could try. If they're completely unhelpful, maybe you could schedule an appointment with another pedi (if there are many in your practice) to see what they say.
Photo by Melissa Nicole Photography
I worried about this with Avery when she was that age. The constant biting and inability to focus plus she "spaces out" a lot. She was evaluated and came back fine. In fact, I was very hesitant about having her start Kindergarten shortly after turning five because I thought for sure she wouldn't stop moving/talking long enough to learn.
I would observe her during therapy and she couldn't focus (at least that's how it seemed to me) on anything very long,constantly jumping from one activity to the next. Av's therapist informed me that it isn't really reasonable to expect children to be able to focus on one activity or behavior for long periods of time until they reach 5 or 6 and even then it's a miracle to get them to focus for more than a few minutes. There's a lot of pressure on children to act like adults these days and I can't help by wonder if that's part of the reason kids seem less attentive and focused.
Surprisingly enough she's doing fantastic in school, probably because she gets all her hyperness out at home. Also, she really relies on structure and my parenting style and circumstances over the last year kept me from implementing a lot of structure in her life.
My only advice is to go with YOUR gut/mommy instincts. If you truly feel there's a problem than do everything you can to figure it out. Good luck!