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OK, so I have a schedule for Polly

ebearwifeebearwife member
in Georgia Babies
Now I need one for DH.  He acts like he should do absolutely NOTHING to adjust to Polly's schedule.  I cook dinner and have it ready for us to eat in time to clean the kitchen and then begin her bath time and bed time routine.  He ignores my pleas to not do marathon runs and bike rides after work and comes home whenever he pleases and messes it all up.  I understand if he has to work late, but the running and biking is a hobby and he needs to be at home instead, helping me.  Ugh.  Anybody else with this problem??
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Re: OK, so I have a schedule for Polly

  • MrsKatieHarrisMrsKatieHarris member
    same thing happened with me when the boys were younger. I understand we all need an outlet to get away from the kids, but seriously the dads should be at home helping at night time too.
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  • kepkep member
    Oh gosh, I am sorry. Maybe do not adjust your schedule for his? It's his choice to come home for dinner at the scheduled time. Maybe if he misses it, then he'll get the picture.
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  • virginia&alanvirginia&alan

    Be up front and clear about your expectations; especially since you will be going back to work soon.  If you don't, you may find yourself playing the martyr while the resentment will builds and builds. 

    So, I would say: nip it in the bud and find a happy medium.  If he's anything like my DH, the running/biking is very important to his sanity and promotes a generally sunny disposition.  So if your DH wants marathon runs or bike rides, that needs to be balanced with family life.  Maybe that means a bike ride on Monday and a long run on Wednesday, and he fins for himself for dinner on those nights (or dinner is waiting in the microwave).  If the weekdays don't work, then maybe a ride and/or run early on Saturday/Sundays is the way to go. 

    IMO, it's all about negotiation.  I'm sure the time he spends on his hobbies is valuable to him, as is his family.  It's all a balancing act.  And having a kid knocks everything off-kilter.  So, perhaps you can negotiate a trade?  Polly duty shouldn't always default to you.  After all, you have external demands on your time as well, including hobbies.

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  • hthomas02hthomas02
    dito about being upfront and compromising.  DH comes home early from work so that he can do bath time with Finn, he misses dinner which bums him out but he gets bath and bedtime and then he works the rest of the night from home.  And if he wants to go to the gym to work out, he does that after finn goes to bed too.  and of course we're both felxible if things come up or if like one night  a week we kind of switch things up so we're both happy.  It isn't ideal for DH to leave work early enough to make it home but its important to him and so he's made it work.  you need to let your DH know that he needs to "adjust his priorities" (I don't mean that to sound harsh, I just didn't know how else to word it).  but definitely talk to him because if you don't that resentment will pile up and could be an ugly thing.   Good luck!
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  • KerrinKerrin member

    whatever you decide, get a handle on it now or it will spiral out of control.

    When he's not traveling, DH and I typically have one night a week each to do our own thing ( he skies and i play softball).  Any other hobby or exercising that i do beyond that is done after the kids are taken care of and in bed.  So that means I typically leave to go workout at 9pm.  It's not ideal, but it's fair.

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