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not having visitors in the hospital

momof1cuteboymomof1cuteboy member
in 3rd Trimester

I decided that I am not going to have any visitors when I am in the hospital and my husband supports this.  I am due any day and have a 2 year old at home.  We do not have family close by to help us after the baby is born so I want to take the hospital time to learn how to breastfeed this baby, rest when I can and recover since I have to be right back on my feet.   Somebody will be home while I am in labor watching our son (probably a local friend) and then, after that, my husband will be home with our 2 year old while I stay in the hospital with the baby.  My family lives 2 hours away and I told them that they can come down on the weekend and visit us at home but they just do not seem to understand.  I am doing this because, when we had our son, it was awful.  Since they dont feel comfortable making the trip in 1 day, nobody left from the moment that I went into labor until I was discharged!! I had an awful recovery and never got to sleep in the hospital because they just would not leave even after the nurse said I needed rest.  I was in labor all night and felt like I was entertaining all day - then they invited themselves to stay at our house and wouldnt leave ...... they left when I was discharged home and my husband and I were left sleep deprived after entertaining them to take care of a newborn on no sleep.  It was awful.  My family is just not helpful.  Now, my in laws are wonderful and would understand what a short visit is and would be helpful but I know that I cant have them visit and not my family so I am saying no to everybody util we get home and are ready.  Anybody else not having visitors - how are people taking it?? I was hoping to blame it on swine flu restrictions but those have been lifted .......

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Re: not having visitors in the hospital

  • ishawnamcmishawnamcm

    Hi.  Sounds like my ex's family, but I had him tell them to go.  I feel like if folk ain't helping they gotta keep their visit short.

    Have you verbalized any of this to your family? 

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  • JustBrauzinJustBrauzin

    I had a friend who did not want family at the hospital. They did not tell anyone they when they were on the way...only messages from after the birth were sent out.  In these messages, they added they wanted people to wait for when they got home, saying the hospital was enforcing limits on number of guest. 

     

    This helped them, hope it helps you.

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  • momof1cuteboymomof1cuteboy member

    The funny thing is that I had a very nice conversation with my family and explained that I need the hospital time to recover, learn how to breastfeed and that I am high risk and cant wait to see them in the comforts of our home with our new family.  They have not been helpful at all during the pregnancy and they are high maintanence so I dont see why I have to accomodate them when they just stress me out (of course I didnt tell them that part).

    Everybody seemed to understand until my mother just called and said she thinks I am going to go this week (I am due thursday) and her and my sister already have plans to visit me in the hospital saturday and stay at our house.  Umm, were you going to tell me?? We only have one guest room and that is for whoever is watching our son - who has to be a more local person since I cant wait 2 hours for family to arrive to get to the hospital.  Last time my husband was up all night with them so he was just as tired as me when I was discharged.

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  • tarebear9891tarebear9891 member
    You shouldn't have to validate yourself to them. Just say the days in the hospital are going to be time for just you, your DH, and your son. Tell them they are welcome to visit that weekend. We are in a similar situation (except all our family is within 30 minutes from us) and we are limiting their hospital time and having them come in small groups in rounds.
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  • ErinRCErinRC

    Good luck with keeping everyone out. Smile

    I'm personally having a home birth, but am thinking that I won't want much for visitors those first few days. I haven't yet discussed with my family or SO's family. I told my mom I didn't want her there for the birth and she seemed okay with this and said if I changed my mind she'd come. I don't really know what my sort-of-MIL is thinking in terms of being there or visiting as she hasn't mentioned it yet, but since my own mom will not be there for the birth I don't think she'll feel bad about that. She also lives about 45min away, so I don't think she'll feel the need to stay forever or come down w/o notice. 

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  • bergs720bergs720 member
    we're not having visitors either.  luckily our swine flu restrictions haven't been lifted yet and we can only have 4 total visitors.  when I tell people that, they just assume that they are not one of the lucky four, and I just let them keep on thinking that.  Good luck!
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  • koatkoat
    My mother raised her eyebrows when I said we wouldn't be calling them when I went into labour.  They'll get a phone call after the baby's born and I've had a chance to rest.

    We haven't told the IL's this, and likely won't. 
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  • pamelainswopamelainswo

    Wow!  That sucks.

     

    I would call your mother and tell her that you understand her excitement about the new baby, but that you do not wish to have guests/visitors until you are ready.  Tell them that you cannot accomodate overnight guests right now.

     If she seems to still not be respecting your wishes then I would

    a) not tell her when you go into labour

    b)  instruct whomever is staying at your home that they are not to answer the door/invite people into your home while you are at the hospital.

    The hospital should not be permitted to give out information about you without your permission - so I would tell them that you do not wish to have visitors, and they are not to release information about you to anyone. 

     

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  • kmmccollumkmmccollum member
    When I had my daughter which was eight years ago so things may have changed since then I never told anyone when I was having her but I had previously told everyone that I wanted no visitors. So when I was admitted to the hospital the morning before my c-section I told the front desk and the OB nurses station that I didn't want any visitors and the hospital abided by my wishes because lord know every relative I have didn't listen to me. They all showed up there anyway thinking that I would let them in. However the one problem was that the from desk called me every time that someone would ask them where i was so I shut the ringer off on my phone. Then they started just sending them up to OB. The OB nurses were really good at not letting anyone in except the list of 3 people I had given them to let in. That could work that way if they don't respect your wishes and try to come anyway they won't be let in. I know that might upset them but if they don't respect your wishes maybe they deserve it.  
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