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Personal Pity Party Rut & bio clock stress

UOduckBride2beUOduckBride2be member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I just don't know what to do with myself.  We want a baby so badly and have been trying for so long, it all just seems so unfair and I am numb.  My DH and I have been TTC #1 for over five years.  That's five years of temping, charting, fertility monitors and a battery of tests.  We have naturaly conceived twice.  Our first MC in 6/2008 at 6 weeks and we just discovered our missed MC on Friday at nearly 9 weeks.  Because we have conceived unmedicated and any IF is "unexplained", the Drs are reluctant to prescribe fertility meds.  The thing is that I am 35 and my DH is 41...we are beyond ready...remodeled the house, great jobs, financially secure and prepared.  My DH is an only child so the in-laws are dying to be grandparents and feel left out among all their friends and I am the only chance my parents have to be grandparents...they are all supportive, but I feel so useless.  All our younger cousins on both sides are having babies and our friends all lapped us years ago having had multiple children that are all in school now.  It is just so difficult...We are beyond wanting a girl or boy or dreaming about how many children we will have.  I just want one little baby to love that is part of me and part of him.  We have so much love to give.
Me: 37 DH: 43 Married 9/2004 TTC since 9/2005 CP Dec 2006 MC June 2008 at 6 weeks MC April 2010 at 9 weeks 50 clomid+IUI 11/2010=BFN 50 clomid+IUI 12/2010=BFP MC Feb 2011 at 7 weeks 8/11 CD3 AFC=24,FSH=6.91,AMH=5.6,E2=47.9, TSH=1.27,8/26 12DPO BFP Alistair Charles "Charlie" was born 5/7 weighing 8lbs, 10oz and 22" was long imageimageimageimage
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Re: Personal Pity Party Rut & bio clock stress

  • Mrs.AlbieMrs.Albie member
    All I have are "I'm sorry"s and hugs and thoughts and prayers.  I have a friend that has been dealing with long term unexplained IF, and I feel so useless to her.  I wish I had the words - I wish I could wave a wand and make that miracle happen for you.  I pray that it does.  (((HUGS)))
    DS1 born 3/30/09
    natural mc @ 10w4d 3/7/10
    DS2 born 9/13/12

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  • laura&dan05laura&dan05 member

    I'm so sorry for your losses and for your strggles with ttc.  I can relate to your frustration. I do have a daughter from an IVF cycle so It's not the same as what you are going through but it's frustrating knowing that the 2 times I did get pg on my own (the first time with Clomid and TI and the third pg was with no meds at all) ended with losses. 

    Did your doctor do an RPL after this loss?  If not I would request one since it is your second loss.  Are you just dealing with your OB or have you seen an RE? 

    I hope that your dream of a baby comes true.  I'm sure you will be wonderful parents!


    Clomid M/C 8 weeks 2/08 *IVF #1-DD born 3/09
    *Surprise BFP-T18 baby lost at 13w 1/10 *FET #1-DS born 2/11
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
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