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Adoption
Reply to MrsB2007 and Anyone Who Has Questions for an Adoptee with adopted siblings. [Long!]
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MrsB2007 had asked me to say some things about how it was growing up in a family with adopted siblings as well as being adopted myself. We?re all from different families, so I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread on this?
I'm open to
anything about being adopted and my family as well. 
I don't know how you would like me to share, per say, but I can start by answering your questions in here. :]
My oldest brother was adopted in '88 (as a newborn, we all were newborns) and at the time, his parents were young, not married, and falling apart. He had a semi-open adoption, so there was no contact from them, but he had all the information he wanted, and he was allowed to send them letters, through the adoption agency, but other than that, they didn't have much contact (his birth father had none at all, his birth mom was sent an update every three years). I should mention, before I get any farther, that my brother, sister, and I, were all adopted from different states (Brother from Washington, Sister from Georgia, Me from Minnesota and we all live in Alaska now) and so the parents had no physical contact with us once the adoption was signed and finished. After a year of my brother living with my mom and dad (before they divorced) they discovered he, my brother, had Aspergers, a rare form of Autism. My mom said that a lot of people, doctors and friends, had told her to send him back to the agency but she refused. He's 21 now and is overcoming his Autism with the help of medication and therapy. :]
My little sister was adopted in '94 and has a semi-open adoption as well (they would be completely open if we lived in the same states as the birth parents) so she's in the same situation as my brother.
I on the other hand, am the single one out, haha. I have a completely closed adoption. In other words, I don't know anything about my birth parents other than my BM's name, height, and hair color (Heather, 5'11", Strawberry Blonde) and my BF's heritage (100% Irish). I always grew up jealous of my brother, mainly, because he liked to brag about his adoption. My little sister on the other hand (who is African American (I come from a white family)) is embarrassed by it, but she's no less my sister than my brother is my brother! But my brother met his birth mom on his high school graduation day, and we ALL cried (our mom, my brother, me, his BM, my dad, step-mom, everyone!) but at the same time, I was really jealous. Since his graduation, he's moved to Florida (where is BF's family is), and to California (where his BM's family is) and is now back in Alaska working for our dad, fishing. It?s difficult knowing I may never meet my birth family, but if I don?t, it?s just another thing I can add to my list of being unique! If I do meet them, I know it won?t be until I?m mentally prepared for it! No one wants the first question to be ?Why didn?t you want me?? ]:
My brother is very close with his birth mother, as is our own mom, whereas my little sister and I both don?t know our birth family. There?s always been a little tension between us but all in all, we consider ourselves closer to our family than say? my older step-siblings, who are blood family to their parents. To me, when a family chooses to adopt a child, it means they went out of their way to make sure a child had a safe home and a loving family. I?ll always be thankful for that. :]
If anyone has any other questions, I?m more than happy to answer.
The only difference between my family and another adoptee is that some parents choose not to tell the child, so I?m not sure how that would go, but I can say this? If my mom hadn?t of told me, I wouldn?t be the person I am today, and for the fact that she told me, I?ll be forever grateful. :]
[EDIT] - I forgot to add that when my parents adopted me, they didn't know I had a minor case of Cerebral Palsy and would need mental health care later on in life (I have ADHD, clinical Depression, and Cyclothemia (a form of bi-polar)). To me, it just proves that they were that much more willing to have me than anyone else. :]
Flying Solo, Formula Feeding, Working, Loving Life Momma of One.
::NEW POST ON 2.7.2011::
Come Today, Blue Skies
::NEW POST ON 2.7.2011::
Come Today, Blue Skies
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Reply to MrsB2007 and Anyone Who Has Questions for an Adoptee with adopted siblings. [Long!]
I apologize for the first part of the post, it was some dumb HTML thing that wont go away (I wrote this in Word because I couldn't keep track of what I was saying on here!).
Again, I'm very sorry!!!!
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing! I'm sure we will have tons of questions for you and I look forward to what you bring to the table here!
We have a very open adoption with our daughter's birthmother, but she has said she is very worried about what Payton will think of her decision of making an adoption plan vs. keeping her (she has 3 other children -- from a different father than Payton -- and she is still with that father, not Payton's) and if she will understand. We have tried to reassure her as best we can that we will do everything we can to make sure that Payton knows that her decision was made out of love for Payton and that we will never speak poorly of her.
There are some other adoptees here who are great as well -- I hope they can be a source of support for you too!
We all grew up in a small Norwegian town, my little sister was the first African American child in a completely white family (there was one other but they had adopted three African American brothers at the same time). She thought that she would get ridiculed for being the odd one out. She wasn't though, we made her completely welcome and she grew up like she's one of us, but she never talks about being adopted. Her mom (my step-mom) is her mom and she's never thought any different.
Only once has she been talked down on for being African American. When she was 12, she had just become interested in boys and was 'dating' a boy (as much as 12 year olds can date) and he broke up with her a few days later. As the older sister I just wanted to know why, and he straight up said to my face, as well as my little sisters, that he 'didn't date (insert the 'n' word here) girls.' Well... my little sister broke down crying and without a second thought, I took a swing at the boy and he came to school a week later with a black eye and a few other injuries. Since then, no ones even thought about saying one thing mean.
Basically, all I can say is that when you have a child who you're worried about getting bullied about for any reason, make sure they know that they can stand up for themselves (in a non-violent way, I handled the situation wrong) and that you, as the family, will always be there for them and that they are yours, no matter the skin color, race, or even if they have special needs. :]
I have a question for you...and would love your input.
I have a fost/adopt baby. Her family history is absolutely horrible. I was planning on keeping this an open adoption but with the family history involved and their current actions, sadly I am going to keep it minimal (pictures and phone calls for now...not sure of the future).
I would love to hear an adoptees input on this. Her mother had 9 children (and says she'll keep having more), and has been addicted to meth for many many years. All her recent children were born on meth and taken away. She bluntly states she will not try rehab. Her father is currently wanted for murder, amongst many other issues.
If that was your bioparents situation (thank god it's not), how and when would you want your adoptive parents to discuss this with you, if at all?
I think it really depends on your opinion of drug use.
I am 100% any and all drug use. So if I were your child, I wouldn't want any contact with the birth mom/dad until he/she could say she wasn't addicted and the dad was tried and either found guilty or innocent.
As for how I would like my parents to tell me about it... I would rather they flat out said 'You're adopted, you're birth mom was/is a meth addict and your father is wanted for murder.' If my parents were to beat around the bush or not said anything until I met my Birth family... I might have gotten a little annoyed with both them and my birth parents. A child needs a good role model, both in their parents, and in who they talk to. A meth addict who has a partner wanted for murder does not fill that position, but you, as the mother does.
Another thing real quick... If I find out that my birth mother (we don't know anything about my Birth family) has has previous children or has a drug/alcohol problem, I can say, with 100% certainty, that I want nothing to do with her. I don't want to say that I met my birth mom only to find out that she had children before me, or couldn't stop doing something.
Your baby will grow up to be completely happy and loving as long as you provide her the role model she needs. :]
wow. thank you! That's the response I was hoping for.
One last question - what age would you have wanted to know all this? What if a child asks when they are say, 6 years old?
I was told that I was adopted from the start, so as soon as my parents thought I would be able to know what adoption is, I knew. As far as the more.... 'gory' details go... probably hold off until she has formed her own opinions on that sort of stuff or she asks about her family history (maybe at the doctors office or something!). I hope that helps. :]