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nifr - my heart is heavy

thewormstheworms member
in Infertility

i posted the other night about DH's BFF deciding to date our 19 year old  niece (i thought she was 20 but not yet and she's just finishing her freshman year of college) .  here's the link

https://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/34329555.aspx

anyway they are dating and BFF thinks there is nothing wrong with it and isn't going to stop.  DH feels like there is a code and his friend broke it (you don't date each others ex's and family is the code my DH is referring to).

i am so sad.  he has been friends with DH for 20 years.  He's 35 and had been married and divorced and has a family.  She's 19! 

Please know I do agree that people with big age differences can have great relationships, I just think these 2 people are not going to work out because of the very different stages of life they are in.

I don't even know what to say.  I can't believe he's willing to throw away 20 years of friendship.

i'm sorry i'm rambling.  D is so hurt.

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Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
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Re: nifr - my heart is heavy

  • GenRN45GenRN45
    Worms, I'm so sorry that you and DH are going through this. I hope that the girl doesn't get hurt, and that eventually your DH and his friend are able to get past this.

    big hugs.
    Dx: MFI, DOR, 9 Fibroids and homozygous MTHFR

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  • jkmcnamarajkmcnamara
    I wish I had advice, but I don't. I'm sorry you are all dealing with this :(
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  • jcmayhewjcmayhew
    Sorry Girl... that's a tough situation. *hugs*
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  • MerryMarisaMerryMarisa
    Worms,  I totally agree that couples with big age differences can and do have wonderful and healthy relationships.  However, I also completely hear your concerns about the vastly different stages your DH's BFF and his niece are in.  I'm really sorry you and Mr. Worms are going through this and hon, I really hope they can resolve it.  ((( HUGS )))
    TTC #1 w/ endo since Sept 2005. After many losses, a lap, tons of meds and tons of testing and, one failed IVF cycle, we were blown away with a surprise, sticky BFP...it's a girl!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • SeptGirl05SeptGirl05
    Our nieces are much younger, but DH and I would probably feel the same way in your case - it's such an akward situation too!  What if he turns out to be an a-hole?  Then it could make your DH look bad too, even though he is against the whole thing. . .
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  • albjagalbjag member

    ((hugs))

    I hope somehow the situation works itself out- and nobody gets hurt.   

    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
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  • MontyMrsMontyMrs
    I'm sorry Wormsy, what a crappy situation. It's just too bad that DH may be losing a friendship over this but for what it's worth I think your H is right to be upset. He's being protective of his niece, which warms my heart and makes me think what a great dad he'll be. I do hope this all works itself out without any lost friendships or broken hearts.
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  • Babsie7Babsie7 member

    That is such a tough situation. I completely understand why your dh is upset. Sorry you guys are going through this; it must be difficult for you to see him dealing with this situation. I really hope this doesn't permanently ruin any relationships.

    (((hugs)))

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  • Mrs.KiltlifterMrs.Kiltlifter
    Poor Mr. Worms that is a huge loss in a friend.  I am in agreement with you that age differences can work but this relationship is toxic from the start.  Hopefully your "friend" opens his eyes before he has lost everything.
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  • QuiltingBeeQuiltingBee

    imageGenRN45:
    Worms, I'm so sorry that you and DH are going through this. I hope that the girl doesn't get hurt, and that eventually your DH and his friend are able to get past this.

    big hugs.

    This.  

    Has your niece said anything to your DH?  Is she angry with him?  I hope it all works out,honey

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  • MoFreeMoFree member

    I'm so sorry Wormie.  It's a crappy situation.  However, I don't necessarily think that the entire friendship is ruined for ever.  Maybe I'm in the minority, but DH's niece is an adult and wants the relationship as this man does.  I also think that if the relationship is not right, then it's for them to work out. 

    Give it some time, maybe all is not lost. 

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  • ohiostategalohiostategal member
    DH has two goddaughters that are his cousin's kids.  They are about the same difference in age (at least the older one).  We babysit them all the time and we are many times like parents to them.  While she is not even in high school yet, when we get to be 35 she would be in college.  If one of DH's friends then wanted to date her DH would be FREAKED OUT.  It is even weirer if that said friend knew the girl when she was little.  I hope that it works out with no one getting really hurt and that hopefully some day your DH and his friend can be ok again. 
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