What are you thinking MIL?!?!

Halen0804 · April 2010

I normally love my MIL. She is one of the most gentle, kindest people I know and she is going to be an amazing grandma. But, you would think that after having 6 kids she would be a little more realistic about this situation:

My EDD is 6/14 and she wants me to bring the baby to a big annual family BBQ/ party at her place for 4th of July weekend (which is 2.5 hrs from us). We would be staying for the weekend. I don't personally think I am going to want to go away for a weekend with a 3 week old assuming my LO even comes on time. She is totally putting pressure on DH to come. I keep telling him to tell her that we will have to wait and see, but she wants to show off the baby. Not to mention, I don't want a lot of different people holding my baby right away other than immediate family (parents, siblings, ect). Am I crazy or is my MIL deluded?

Thanks for letting me vent.

vanreymersdal · April 2010

She's deluded. My husband's family is expecting us to show up at a huge family reunion exactly 12 days after my due date. I don't think so.

I remember with my DS we went up to visit 2 1/2 weeks after he was born for a birthday party for some family. It's a 2 hour drive that ended up taking almost 4 hours just because of breastfeeding and multiple diapers. I will never do that again.

tlmommy2b:) · April 2010

Keep doing what your doing...don't commit. GL

serarose · April 2010

I wouldn't want to go that soon either - that's really soon for a lot of exposure for the baby, plus who knows what you'll be up for at that point.

If she's awesome, just reassure her that you can't wait to include LO in stuff like that, 'but of course we all want to do what's best for the baby' kind of thing. If you need to, say your pediatrician wouldn't clear it.

vegandy · April 2010

Just go with what you're comfortable with & don't commit to anything. Fourth of july is sort of big for my family & we all usually go to my parents lake house....it's a 3 hour drive for us. My EDD is 6/6, so if he comes on time he will be 3-4 weeks old. We are planning on going.....but DH & I travel A LOT....so our LO won't be a baby that doesn't leave the house. It's whatever you feel is best for your family.

BNBB08 · April 2010

I don't have any kids yet but 3 weeks to me seems like plenty of time. I think I will definitely be ready to be out and a bout with baby at that point. But I plan on breastfeeding and wearing my baby a lot so the food source is right there and I don't plan on passing my baby around to anyone and everyone right away. Obviously if you have a c-section, things might be a little different but my cousin had a very complicated c-section and the baby had to be in a NICU AND she had to have her gallbladder removed a day after her c-section, and she was out and about traveling three weeks later.

Halen0804 · April 2010

I guess my concern is how much of a routine will I have established at that point? I also am wondering how tired I am going to be and will I want to be around a lot of people. I just think 3 weeks is early to make a commitment at this point. Plus there is no guarantee baby will come on time. The baby could only be 1-2 weeks old if she comes late.

Jasmine1082 · April 2010

I think 3 weeks is still early and wouldnt plan to go. LO wont even have any shots. I wouldnt want to have my LO around a ton of ppl that young either. My MIL wanted us to fly to Vegas for my BIL's graduation like 2 weeks after my DD.. I was stressed but she finally got that idea out of her head.

BNBB08 · April 2010

Halen0804:
I guess my concern is how much of a routine will I have established at that point? I also am wondering how tired I am going to be and will I want to be around a lot of people. I just think 3 weeks is early to make a commitment at this point. Plus there is no guarantee baby will come on time. The baby could only be 1-2 weeks old if she comes late.

Very true, yeah I wouldnt commit but I woudln't say no either. I just don't feel like I have to be a shut-in just because the baby is here. From what I hear, there will never be a "routine" with an infant but I'm kind of a go with the flow person and don't stress over routines.

shelbym · April 2010

LIke PP said you should just wait and see. You may have a really easy baby that goes with the flow and loves car rides and find that 3 weeks is plenty of time before a trip (plus they may be a bit early). As to the routine, young babies generally are not on any type of schedule by then.

We traveled 3.5 hours with DS at 6 weeks (I know older) and he was good but he has always been really easy-sleeping in the car, going to strangers, sleeping well at my parents house-etc. Get to know your kiddo for a week or so and then let MIL know. You could also think of it as a bit of a break for you and DH.

BrainySmurfette · April 2010

For now, I'd say no. I wouldn't have been ready at that point. There isn't any way to know how things will go, and if you go overdue and have a c/s getting up and down from a chair might still be hard, not to mention sitting in the car for a long time. If you later change your mind, she can be pleasantly surprised.

Hambly · April 2010

I completely understand her excitement and wanting to show off the newest grandchild to everyone but you are in no way crazy, I wouldn't want to put myself in that situation either!

asned · April 2010

Ditto everyone else. Tell her flat out that you probably won't be coming bc of the new baby but that you *might*

I also HIGHLY suggest investing in a BabyHawk (www.babyhawk.com). Firstly bc they are awesome and you'll be SOO glad that you have it but also bc if you do go to the party, just wear the baby in the BH. I guarentee you that you will have 75% less people ask to hold your LO. Slings intimidate people and they barely touch them in them let alone ask you to untangle yourself from it just for them to hold the baby for a minute.

vrwester · April 2010

She's being unreasonable. While its normal for her to want to show off her new grandchild it doesn't seem like she's taking into consideration your or the baby's health and safety. First, you might not be up to it with all the feeding,diapers and if you have to have a c section and are still recovering.

Second, the baby won't even have shots yet and very little, if any, immunity to anything that people may be carrying around - especially on July 4th when so many people play games in the yard, swimming, eat bbq etc and how many wash their hands after each thing? eeewwwwww not safe! And don't be afraid to just be up front and honest with her about this part in particular - she loves the grandbaby too and no grandparent can argue with SAFETY FIRST

I think you're doing the right thing and saying "maybe" because who knows but don't be afraid to say NO the week of if you're not up for it or still think its a bad idea. If all else fails though tell her the pediatrician doesn't think its a good idea.

mysticporter · April 2010

Like PP, keep doing exactly what you are doing, and don't commit. You're not crazy, and I personally would not have wanted to be out and about with DD when she was 3 weeks old. That said, the fact that your MIL has 6 kids is probably why she doesn't think it's a big deal. I'd consider that time frame with this baby (#2), although I'd want to see how it goes, and I know some people that have no problem traveling with a baby that young even if it is their first. If they don't want other people holding the baby, they just tell them no, and do whatever they are comfortable with once they are there.

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