Northern California Babies
mandymack
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I haven't wanted to discuss it...
mandymack
member
I haven't wanted to discuss the loss my friend has suffered on my blog because I know she reads it.
She isn't active here so, I thought I'd take a moment to just let it all out as it's so hard to carry this burden in secret.
A friend of mine lost her child, an infant, and saying she is crushed, devastated, angry, blaming herself, is an understatement. I know several of the ladies here have suffered losses of all kinds here and have probably felt this way so, I'm hoping some of you can help me.
I don't want to go into details because I don't want to upset any of the mothers, mothers-to-be nor any of the TTC on this board, I just want some advice of what I can do to help, if there's anything I can do.
I have reached out to her, offering to be an ear to listen and have brought over two meals this week already, which she has been grateful for but has also said she just isn't ready for any visitors and doesn't want to talk about it.
I am so sad, I am crying as I write this because I honestly just cannot imagine being in her shoes, I can't fathom the hurt she is feeling, I can't and don't want to pretend to know what she is going through... I am at a loss. I'm actually feeling a lot of pain over this myself, feeling depressed and scared and worrisome for my own child. I didn't realize how affected I truly was until I began to write about it and felt my heart ache.
Thank you so very much for anything you can offer, even if it's just a bit of sympathy.
She isn't active here so, I thought I'd take a moment to just let it all out as it's so hard to carry this burden in secret.
A friend of mine lost her child, an infant, and saying she is crushed, devastated, angry, blaming herself, is an understatement. I know several of the ladies here have suffered losses of all kinds here and have probably felt this way so, I'm hoping some of you can help me.
I don't want to go into details because I don't want to upset any of the mothers, mothers-to-be nor any of the TTC on this board, I just want some advice of what I can do to help, if there's anything I can do.
I have reached out to her, offering to be an ear to listen and have brought over two meals this week already, which she has been grateful for but has also said she just isn't ready for any visitors and doesn't want to talk about it.
I am so sad, I am crying as I write this because I honestly just cannot imagine being in her shoes, I can't fathom the hurt she is feeling, I can't and don't want to pretend to know what she is going through... I am at a loss. I'm actually feeling a lot of pain over this myself, feeling depressed and scared and worrisome for my own child. I didn't realize how affected I truly was until I began to write about it and felt my heart ache.
Thank you so very much for anything you can offer, even if it's just a bit of sympathy.
eclaire 9.10.06 diggy 6.2.11
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Re: I haven't wanted to discuss it...
I think that you have done all you can at this point. She needs to grieve on her own, give her time, she will come around when she is ready.
When my BIL died, my MIL wouldn't talk about it with anyone. She just wanted to be alone. We gave her her space and she eventually came around.
Big huge hugs Amanda.
I think you have done alot so far and she knows you are there. I would just periodically check in on her to make sure she doesn't get really depressed.
She is lucky to have such a good friend.
I'm sure when she is ready to talk about it you will be one of the first ones she calls.
I'm so sorry for her, and for you. You are a good friend and you should take solace in that.
H
I agree with the pps, I think you have reached out to her and let her know that you are there for her. When she decides she is ready she will let you know.
Big hugs to you and your friend, I can not imagine how difficult this must be.
Huge huge {{{HUGS}}} Amanda.
I feel that you've done all you can do at this point. I am sure she understands that you are there for her. That said, I believe she will come to when she is ready.
{{{HUGS}}}
And if you need an ear yourself, let me know. Hang in there and I'll keep you all in my thoughts.
I think just offering yourself and to be there when she asks for you or is ready for help is help enough. Sometimes people need space. Everyone grieves differently. And yeah, it sucks being on the sidelines, wanting to help, not being able to and feeling helpless. Patience is going to pay off.
Prayers to both of you guys.
I think the hardest thing to do is keep putting yourself out there...its scary and hard...not even sure why..
But it is soooo importnat. I know in the trials I have had in my life (that pale in comaprision)when I was finally ready to talk and see people I didnt kjnow how to ask for it and often it *felt* as if people had moved on.
Just keep at it...treading lightly...just putting yourself out there...in the line of fire...Maybe it will be a year or 2...I cant even imagine....
And you can in turn lean on us.
Only other thing I can think of is something for her husband and other immediate family that is her support system. Kepp them strong. Myabe find some support groups for any/all of them
Lots of hugs
br
107 Read/listened to in 2011: 91 Books/16 Audiobooks
Read 2012: 33/50
Like the others said, just try to be there for her. She is going to have some very hard times, possibly for a long time, in dealing with this. Give her a lot of latitude and understand that she may not always be the same friend you've known for years. She may pull away, she may become angry, she may become depressed, she may not act like the friend you have known & loved. Hang in there and try to be the best friend to her that you can. Let her know that you aren't going anywhere and you are there to be her friend.
((BigHugs)) to you & your friend (and now I am getting all choked up thinking about how terrible this would be, as the mother or the friend. Just terrible. ((BiggerHugs))
Lighthouse State Beach, Santa Cruz.
Amanda. Gosh. First of all, so very sorry for your friends loss & for yours as well as I'm sure you knew this child. I would continue to offer support when she's ready. Maybe research a grief support group for you to attend & once she's ready you can bring her along.
Because she's not ready for visitors, maybe you could set up a meal delivery appointment. That way if she wants to open the door when you ring at 2PM, she can. If she doesn't, then at least she knows you're still there for her.