Was there a time during your IF struggles when...

howleyshell · April 2010

You really truly feared that you would never have children.

I mean really really thought that you could possibly be facing a child-less life and all that would have meant to you, your future, and your marriage?

Or was IF just a hiccup on the path and more of an inconvenience to your planning than a gut wrenching fear that parenthood would elude you?

firsttogo · April 2010

I really had that fear, which for me was more of a panicky feeling.

DH NEVER thought we would live childfree. He also always believed that we would have our own. He really helped me through it.

smilee · April 2010

Last year at this time, when I lost my twins ( 1 ectopic and 1 at 8 weeks), I really thought that was it for us. We had done 2 IVFs and a FET and all we had to show for it were losses.

I was not sure how much more I could handle going forward and we really thought that was the end of the road for us. We were both so spent and heartbroken. I really thought that we just were going to have to try to wrap our minds around a child-free lifestyle.

It took me until October to be ready to cycle again- and even then, I was not really ready, nor did I think we had a chance in Hell. Honestly, some days I still can't believe this is real.

pinkcallalily · April 2010

I never feared I wouldn't be a mom, but I honestly thought we would build our family through adoption. I don't know why I was so convinced I would never be able to get pregnant (we are unexplained), but I really didn't think it would happen. I still have trouble believing it and and am terrified of something going wrong and I'm less than a week from my due date.

Kahana · April 2010

I was always confident that we would have 1 baby. Now that we are trying for second one I am not nearly as confident. I feel like we used up our luck with Andrew.

epphd · April 2010

Yes absolutely. I was worried after the first two cycles failed with terrible embryo quality. And after a total of 4 failed IVFs with my eggs, I was really worried. I knew donor eggs would give us a good chance, but since our IF couldn't really be pinned down, I was terrified that would fail too.

We were both apprehensive about adoption, so if DE had not worked out, we were going to have to seriously re-evaluate how we thought our lives would be.

It was terrifying.

roaringrock · April 2010

absolutely!

it's odd though. with IVF #4 I kind of "forgot" what I was doing. the shots etc simply became a part of my life. the whole "mission" kind of lost its meaning because it was all so routine. I had $8,000 cash put aside for IVF #5 (my RE said no more) so I knew in the back of my head I had 1 last shot. but I was definitely starting to get more anxious and feared never being pg. man! I was lucky! I think I struck gold!

howleyshell · April 2010

I went down a very dark hole of fear.

My diagnosis was sucky and then my response to meds made my RE extremely cautious about our chances of success.... ever.

When I woke from my retrieval and was told they only got 3 eggs it was seriously one of the darkest times of my life. No one thought it would work and my RE had already started prepping me for donor eggs. I don't think he planned to let me cycle with my own eggs again.

The trick is that DH didn't want to do donor eggs, donor embryos OR adoption. I'm sure we would have come to some kind of compromise but in those few weeks of my dismal IVF cycle I/we really did seriously discuss living child free.

And it crushed me.

I'm so grateful.

And I feel so bad for those still living in the darkness that IF can bring.

I'm kinda envious when I read other women talk about their struggles with such a positive attitude like they always "knew" they would have kids. There was never any doubt. It makes me sad to think that I was a glass half empty person when facing this life challenge instead of a glass half full kinda person like so many of you seem to be!

kimarino13 · April 2010

Oh God yes. It was a fear that ripped my heart out and made me hollow inside. I will never, ever forget what that fear/pain feels like.

caityr · April 2010

There was a time I thought I would not have my own bio child but not a time that I thought I would not have a child.

MrsKario · April 2010

I went through a very dark period between my m/c and before this bfp where I felt I would never have biological children. It was a very difficult time for me. H had a hard time understanding - since he already had two children he just couldnt relate. I used to be such a positive person, going through IF treatments changed me to a cynic. I still have a lot of terror and anxiety - I am only 7 weeks, 3 days.

qtpa2t · April 2010

Given that I was 38 before I finally conceived after many, many years of trying, I definitely though that. And I also thought I should have been much more of a slut...

mbjmaybebaby · April 2010

I did. DH wasn't really open for adoption and when we went through IVF #2 and didn't even make it to a retrieval again, I was very fearful.

Alie05 · April 2010

I had 3 fears with IF.

I feared I would never be able to carry a child.

And I feared that we...my eggs and his spearm....weren't compatible. That's where we were right before IVF. My RE thought there was something going wrong with our genetics mixing.

But mostly, I feared I would never be able to give my wonderful DH a family....a biological family. We had talked about surrogates and adoption but it was a tough subject.

I never feared that I wasn't going to be a mom or have children. They may not have been mine biologically, but I would be a mom and they would be my kids.

I'm just so so so so thankful that everything is so far so good with this miracle baby. God has blessed us.

JustaKidAtHeart · April 2010

There was a time. We had a hard time finding a Dr who would even work with us because I was young. Then when our first cycle of clomid failed I got even more worried. NO ONE in my family has ever had issues with IF. I knew DH and I couldnt afford to go very far down the IF medical road.

ABC-123 · April 2010

Yes. I had a plan. We were going to move to DC, live in the city and live a fun filled child-free life (at least that was what I was telling myself). I don't know if DH ever really thought we would be child-free. He would always reassure me, but would never really talk about his feelings.

tina623 · April 2010

After the first 2 IVFs didn't work out, I was falling into this dark mood where I knew I'd never be a mother. I had to go to therapy I was so depressed. There therapist worked with me to get used to the idea and told me that not having a child wouldn't be the end of the world.

Now, my grandmother told me to "give it to God". That turned me back around and the third one worked.

nicolita14w · April 2010

Yes. It was a really hard time for me.

charmcitygirl · April 2010

No. At no time during our IF struggles did I ever fear that we would not have children. We knew that we would have children, it was just a matter of how much and how far we would need to go to have them.

I knew I would be a mom - there was no question about that. That fact kept me going through the whole thing.

MrsRyan61804 · April 2010

I always knew one way or another we would be parents. I honestly felt deep down inside it would happen eventually, the question was how much more was I willing to put myself through and long was I willing to wait? After 4yrs and everything else we had been through I had decided this summer I was done trying to have a biological child of our own. Actually when we got pg it was with our last lil embryo, I figured it would never take due to poor quality and it being a single embryo transfer. After that cycle we were moving onto embryo adoption.

Glad I didn't give up Smile

Happycouple · April 2010

I truly feared we may never have kids. DH's original urologist told us we had 0% chance of conceiving on our own. This was before I knew any specific IVF/ICSI details. DH's counts etc are so low (ususally around 200-1000 motil sperm). It wasnt until we spoke with the RE at the fertility clinic that I started to feel a sliver of hope. IF sucks!! I hate the unknown. Oh and I am still so fearful it wont work again. Like, there is no way wecan be so lucky as to have it work again! ugh!

LVBlvd · April 2010

I can honestly say no, there wasn't. I was so, so lucky to have time on my side and the resources to pursue every avenue of treatment. We did shared risk IVF, and had already decided that if those 3 didn't work, we would be going to CCRM. We would have gone to the ends of the earth. I just knew it would somehow work. Luckily for us, IVF #1 worked!

BizEB · April 2010

I think on some level I knew I would have a child. But when I lost my tube and I was told I might lose my ovary, I was in a really, really dark place and I remember when the doctor told me that, I was hysterically crying and just saying over and over again "I'll never have children, I'll never have children." After all that, I went through a period where I was really depressed and very pessimistic about having children but time healed and I became laser focused on having a child again.

LisaandBryan · April 2010

Yes most deifnitley there was a time when I thought not only wold I not have a biological child but I wwouldn't have a child period. OUr first IVF had failed miserably ( had not embryos to transkfer) and we lost a lot of money in an adoption agency. That was a very very dark time for me. Honestley looking back at it now I'mr eally suprrised my husband and I made it through. I know we was gettin to the point where he didn't even want kids and didn't want to be married to me anymore for a vairty of reasons. It makes me upset just thhinking about it....

bahollist · April 2010

I hit rock bottom a year ago.

One year ago IVF#3 had just failed and RE#1 told us that my eggs were crap and our only option left was DE. For various reasons, DE was not an option for DH and I was seriously looking into international adoption options. We started thinking what child-free would mean and depression sank in for both of us.

My wonderful acupuncturist suggested another local RE who did a full battery of tests and changed up my protocol completely (to something I'd never even heard of anywhere online - microdose HCG + microdose Luprong + GonalF). IVF#4, the first cycle with the new RE resulted in a successful 2DT. Big Smile

perry7285 · April 2010

not really. i guess i'm really lucky among the IF crew . . . since we knew all along that i was infertile (i never menstruate), we got to skip the 12 months of TTC on our own and did fertility treatments from the beginning when we were ready to get pregnant, and fortunately it only took five months of treatments to get pregnant. so i was able to stay in a pretty optimistic state. but if i had had a few failed IVFs i definitely would have gotten scared, since we can't afford adoption.

ela81 · April 2010

I never had that fear. I KNEW I would be a mommy! I have always dreamed of being pg but after dhs 0 sperm counts I came to the reality that would not happen unless we used donor sperm. We decieded to pursue adoption. In the end some sperm were found and we now have our perfect miracle. Through all of that I never feared we would be child free, that's not in our cards. Someway, somehow we were going to be parents and now we are.

Geeze, I've been so mushy today Crying

ETA: That's not to say the ride was easy but I knew child-free was not for us.

EverAfterinMi · April 2010

Yes. Totally. After I lost my 2nd fallopian tube, we did our first IVF as soon as I was recovered from the surgery. I had a chemical pregnancy with that IVF. When that happened.. I hit total rock bottom. Even after my 2nd ectopic and losing that 2nd tube, I still had hope and kept saying to myself.. "at least I can do IVF". But when that IVF failed me, I just about lost my mind. If that failed me, there was no hope. With no fallopian tubes, there will never be a "surprise" BFP. So.. yes, that was officially when I began to fear I would never be a parent.

Before I would even go through the 2nd IVF, we began the adoption process. I need a back up plan that was a sure thing. I researched agencies, picked one, started filling out the paper work, we had our physicals, and had the home study agency picked out. I went into that IVF that.. the day I found out if failed, I was pulling the trigger on the adoption.

Obviously.. it didn't fail. But yes.. I totally feared I would never be a parent.

gringa78 · April 2010

I had that fear and it was devastating.

Shelley-Bean · April 2010

My last cycle, I was really, really scared. 2 days before I tested, I was lying on the accupuncture table, sobbing hysterically - convinced I would get a BFN. I figured that would be the last cycle we would try. I'm so glad it was a BFP!!

Courted · April 2010

When we tried IUI for the first time we were very confident going in. DH had had good SA since he had had his reconstrictive reversal surgery. SA results werew 80 and then 90% motility, which was great because before hte surgery he had 0% motility. When we went in for the IUI we were told it would not work because the motility came back at less than 10%! It was crazy! We never thought we would be able to the spend the amount of money we have in IVF since we are OOP. I remember coming home from that IUI and crying and crying. I was so heartbroken. DH and I were devastated. Little did we know, God had a plan...and it was Nico.

sara1014 · April 2010

I had moments where I truly feared we would be childless forever and I really wondered what I'd do with my life. Of course, I'd have DH...but just us? Not a family? That gave me some serious panic moments during our struggle. Those would be the times I'd cry myself to sleep.

Temp848906437505510 · April 2010

Um, yeah, after 3 years and 7 IVF attempts, yeah, I certainly thought that nothing may work. I always had hope that a DE cycle would work, but, after going through everything we went through for 3 years, both IF and non-IF related (sick family members, deaths, etc....), it became hard to believe anything would ever go our way.

j11skate · April 2010

Well, not childless, but there was a point when we were both crying and truely believed at that second we would never get pregnant. There were weak times for me off and on but this was the only time DH showed his emotions about it.

sweetpea18 · April 2010

I don't know if I really ever feared it. I think I was more in denial about it all and that's part of the reason I was dragging my feet with starting medicated cycles.

The one thing I've been sure of in my life is that I would be a mom. I told dh that if I didn't have a child, that I would not be ok.

krissyh21 · April 2010

We were literally very close - one negative beta away from living child free. H and I were on a cross roads of what to do if this last IVF did not work. He was done, I wanted to do donor eggs. But the truth of the matter was finances were not there for us to move on.

I can not say what a year or two would have been like. I know in my heart I was all gung ho to save for the DE - but I also know in my heart H was just not there. And as you know, both partners need to be in this together.

I was preparing for a child free life when I POAS to see two lines.

OrangeSmoke · April 2010

caityr:
There was a time I thought I would not have my own bio child but not a time that I thought I would not have a child.

This exactly, My last cycle was horrible. I was sick, and we only retrieved 4 eggs. I was so convinced that it wasn't going to work I started reaching out to people and calling adoption agencies.

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