Hand-me downs for first born?
kkelly08
member
DH's cousin, who's 5, has been putting socks, clothes, and his "bike" away in a box, saying it's DS's stuff (meaning, it's going to DS). Sweet of the 5 yr. old, but, I'm sure his mother had something to do with it. But, his parents keep buying all their boys tons of new stuff ALL the time. Those boys have every kind of toy and even have powered vehicles, etc.
I want new things for DS since he's our first born, and I thought I'd made that clear a long time ago. Everyone else in the family (IL's) has done so with all their kids, so why should DS be the only one to get hand-me-down stuff? My parents have been spoiling DH with all kinds of stuff, but the IL's want him to have HMD's? Not happening.
I guess I can politely say "no, thank you." I told DH I can take it and give it away to charity, but he'd rather I tell them thanks but please give it to someone in need. There are many kids out there who want/need these things, so they should have them because their parents/caregivers can't afford it. Heck, I teach at an at-risk school, and I'm sure some of the stuff those kids can have and would appreciate it.
Re: Hand-me downs for first born?
Ditto. Plus, there's only so much space on this earth for trash.
I honestly do not understand the "I want everything new for my child" argument. In any situation.
wife to joe 2.2.08. mama to noah 9.5.09.
After multiple m/c's, a MTHFR diagnosis and the Lord calling both of our hearts in the same direction, we're adopting!
theluckiest
eh, my LO is our first born and I have gotten a ton of hand-me-downs for him. My cousin has a little boy one year older than him who she buys everything for, and she has passed a ton of it on to me, for which I am grateful. As long as it is clean and in good condition I don't see the big deal. We also buy from consignment stores. Babies aren't going to remember having brand new toys and clothes. I would much much rather put the money away into savings for him. But, that's just my humble opinion.
If you really have no intentions of using the stuff I would politley just tell them no thanks, you don't need anything.
I love hand-me-downs. A lot of stuff I'm given are barely used since babies tend to grow like weeds and hardly get a chance to wear outfits more than a couple times. The red outfit in my signature pic is a hand me down and it looks adorable on her!
I'm sort of tired of my MIL giving us used quilts and stuffed animals from garage sales. We have a ton of these items already, we really don't need someone's old ratty looking stuffed bear or another quilt with a hole. I just take them to the Goodwill. I would normally speak up and tell her that we don't need anymore items but she's the kind of person who would be completely offended no matter how nicely you asked her.
I agree. Hardly anything we own is new and using hand me downs =/= poor! We get a lot more stuff just b/c we buy mostly used.
I know! The only things we bought new were the car seat and anything that we weren't given (new or hand-me-down).
wife to joe 2.2.08. mama to noah 9.5.09.
After multiple m/c's, a MTHFR diagnosis and the Lord calling both of our hearts in the same direction, we're adopting!
theluckiest
Definitely this. It's a huge waste and reflects our consumerist society. Almost all of Matthew's clothes are used. Who cares if another child has worn it, seriously? They wear them for such a short time.
exactly. I love getting clothes. Other stuff, not as much.
And your LO does look super adorable in that red outfit : )
I totally agree. I have a friend whose DD is 6 months older than Tahlia and has given me most of the clothes Tahlia owns. There have been a few pieces I could not resist but in my eyes the less $$ I have to spend, the better.
I also love hand-me-downs and agree with the "too much stuff" problem in the world. Although, we did get a bag of hand me down pacifiers and, I'm sorry, but that grossed me out. But, clothes, toys, baby stuff in good condition, bring it on! I shop for DD each season at a consignment store, then I fill in with new stuff what I wasn't able to find used.
With hand me downs, I just pass it on if it is too far gone or doesn't work for me or isn't my style. It frees up some funds for a splurge outfit for her or to put into savings or for some other stuff.
I don't see what your parents buying new and in-laws giving used has to do with it. It's not a competition. My parents buy new stuff because that's what they do and the in-laws are always look at garage sales because that's what THEY do. I've never thought to expect differently of either of them.
DS is our first born, but he has tons of older cousins. Almost 100% of his clothes and probably half of his toys are HMDs. I see nothing wrong with HMDs, especially coming from family so you know how old it is and that it is clean, gently used etc.
If you don't want something, take it, say thank you and give it away (as long as you know for sure they don't want it back). You are under no obligation to keep those things, but refusing them is rude.
Seriously? Wow.
I'd be grateful if I were you. I got bags and bags of hand me downs from my sister and other friends with older kids and was thrilled. Sure, some of it I don't like or isn't in good condition and I donate it. But most of it is in perfect condition, only worn a few times since kids grow so fast. What's the problem with someone trying to help you out? I don't see why you'd be upset.
Also, beyond clothes, most of DS's toys are hand me downs or consignment sale finds too. Anything that's plastic is a piece of cake to clean and us using it keeps it out of a landfill a bit longer.
Why does your child need exclusively brand new things? I really don't understand this mindset at all.
This exactly. DD gets TONS of hand me downs...that doesn't mean she doesn't wear new clothes too. You're not just talking about clothes, though are you? You're talking about toys as well? IMO if you want new, then those are your expectations so unless someone is generous enough to buy new, then it's up to you to fulfill that expectation, not other people. If you have already purchased something that your inlaws are trying to give you used then you can politely decline and say you already bought it.
I have no problem with hand me downs whatsoever. I honestly think you're being a little snotty, I think they're just trying to help.
That said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with suggesting they donate it to Good Will or the Salvation Army or a church yard sale instead, because you have the means to get everything new for DS and feel like it would be better off being given to someone who needs it.
Your post just makes it sound like you look down on those who need secondhand things. Like, they are good enough to go to charity, but not good enough for your son. I'm sure that's not what you meant, but that's how it came across.
I totally agree!
ITA. J's cousin is 6 mos older than him and I love when my SIL gives us his old clothes. That means we don't have to waste our money and can stick that extra $ in our savings account!
ETA: OP....Aren't you the one that made that snide remark about all Nascar fans being rednecks yesterday? And you didn't want you child owning any toys with a Nascar logo on it because of that...I'm beginning to see a snobby pattern to your posts.
Agreed.
So much waste in this world, why create more? There is nothing wrong at all with hand-me-downs. Doesn't mean you can't buy your child new things
I get wanting to buy new stuff. It's your money, your decision.
But before turning it down or having a negative feeling towards it, why don't you wait and see what you will be getting. And if you find that it's still in good shape then you can take the money you were going to spend on that item and put it in LO's savings account.
We're all about hand me downs. My cousin is having a baby in June and I've already given her DD's infant seat (well, when we get the convertible), the SNG (which was a HMD), and her bassinet. If she were having a girl, I would give her all of DD's NB clothes. Another cousin is pregnant and I'm hoping she has a girl too so that DD's clothes (some still in tags) don't go to waste. Otherwise, it'll go to charity.
In return, I'm also getting a lot of clothes from my other cousin who has a 3 yr old girl. She's done having kids. DD is getting jeans, shirts, and shoes. The shoes she may not use (I'm weird about feet) but I'm super excited about not having to buy jeans lol.
I would see what you get, go through it and pick what you want. Theres no rule saying because you get hand me downs that you can't buy new stuff. I think for the first few months of DD's life she had half and half. We got a lot of preemie hand me down from family friends because she was so small that nothing fit. I was grateful I didn't have to go out with her to try to buy a bunch of clothes when she was a few weeks old.
Be grateful that someone wants to share with you. They are just trying to save you money.
We have a mixture of both new and used things. I am very fortunate to have a good friend who's son is 6 mths older than the twins, so I've gotten a TON of clothes from her, the majority of them brand names in good condition, heck, I've even gotten some with tags still on them. I mainly use that stuff for play clothes for the boys because we try to dress them as alike as possible, so when we do buy clothes, we buy matching things. That being said, we do like to buy NEW things...like their first Xmas outfits, or their first Easter things, their christening outfits were brand new too (so they could match).
The boys are the first grandkids on my DHs side of the family, so they are definately getting spoiled with things from gma and gpa.
I also save all the clothes, bibs, etc (I've got boxes and boxes of already outgrown stuff in my crawl space), because I have friends and family that have either just had a baby, or are pregnant that would greatly appreciate me sending them things.
Unfortunate to say, my DH also has a family member who, if/when they have kids, will want everything brand new, and most likely won't take a thing handed down from us, so I'm giving things away now because I know they will be appreciated by those we give them to.
I have never bought a new outfit for DD. All of her clothes are either hand-me-downs, given as gifts from family members, or bought at consignment sales.
Babies only wear an outfit a few times before outgrowing it, so our hand-me-downs are all like new - and so are her toys. I'm really thankful I have such giving friends and family members. I plan to keep her clothes in good condition and return the favor by passing them on in a few years.
Most people do not view hand-me-downs as charity. They view it as being financially responsible. DD is too young to know the difference between new and gently used, so it really would be only my pride that I would be stroking by buying all new. That just doesn't make sense.
this .. we are forever grateful for the swing and 3 exercausers we got from dh's brother.
I agree with this. Children don't know the difference, and as long as the stuff is in good condition, why not? It's silly to spend money on new stuff just because it still has the tag.
"You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..."
Totally agree. While I understand wanting some new things that you picked out just for your LO, banning anything that anyone else has ever touched just for that reason without taking into consideration the quality of the items is wasteful and spoiled.
Not only that but an attitude like that is projected onto kids and it will backfire. If you are ungrateful about things given to you, it will teach your kids to be ungrateful about things that are given to them.
I'm totally into being thrifty and have no problem with hand me downs. SIL gave me tons of boy stuff and some of it I am planning to give to Goodwill but J def. wears most of it. I appreciated everything that was given to us and I hope to be able to help someone else out in the future.
To the OP: I don't think there was anything wrong with your question and if you prefer to have new things for your son, that is your decision. I understand this line of thinking for certain things that you would like to last for any other children you may have (carseat, bouncy, bikes etc.).