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Should I feel this way?

jmayamamajmayamama member
in Eco-Friendly Family

I work full time, then come home and straighten up the house, make dinner, etc...and DH doesnt seem to understand why I feel like I'm going to die.  I feel like he's thinks I'm being a whiner or something. 

 Half the day I feel like Im going to throw up and the other half I feel like Im going to fall over from exaustion. 

He asks how Im feeling and when I tell him he doesnt offer to do anything to help.  What the heck!?!

 Is it because guys just dont understand since they can't see the belly yet (Im 7 weeks...)?

 Has anyone else run into this?

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Re: Should I feel this way?

  • luvlieKluvlieK member
    1st tri is awful
    47 months &
    11 months
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  • AllieNCAllieNC
    Yep, I totally understand. If I wasn't usually rushing to the bathroom to throw up by the time I got home from work then I don't think DH would have gotten it either. Just do what you have to to take care of yourself. Even if that means Amy's organic frozen burritos some nights. ((Hugs)) and we really do understand even if it is going to take DH a while to catch on.
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  • Dobie_MamaDobie_Mama
    Oh yeah.  Welcome to first tri!  Boys just don't get it.  First tri made me feel like it took effort just to breathe.
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  • jennterrelljennterrell

    i think that men (1) don't understand the fatigue and nausea we sometimes go through (2) underestimate the effort we exert to keep the house running and (3) if they do understand these things, they are clueless as to what support (emotional or tangible) they can give.

    it sucks. BTDT But it gets better for you in 2nd tri, if that's any consolation...

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  • papagenapapagena member

    *raises hand*  Although to be fair, there are periods of time when DH does more than pull his weight around the house... and then there are spells like the last week...

    I'd have a serious conversation with him now and let him know how you're feeling.  In my experience, this doesn't go away when the baby is born.  And yeah - men don't get the entire pregnancy thing until they can see it - DH didn't, although fortunately I had a very easy 1st tri.

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  • AllieNCAllieNC
    imagejennterrell:

    i think that men (1) don't understand the fatigue and nausea we sometimes go through (2) underestimate the effort we exert to keep the house running and (3) if they do understand these things, they are clueless as to what support (emotional or tangible) they can give.

    it sucks. BTDT But it gets better for you in 2nd tri, if that's any consolation...

    Is there any way that I could arrange for you to meet my husband and discuss this with him? He is a wonderful man and he does so much more than many, many men but this is the most true thing I have ever read.

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  • triumphantreturnofplanningbugtriumphantreturnofplanningbug
    imagepapagena:

    I'd have a serious conversation with him now and let him know how you're feeling.  In my experience, this doesn't go away when the baby is born.  And yeah - men don't get the entire pregnancy thing until they can see it - DH didn't, although fortunately I had a very easy 1st tri.

    This, exactly.

    And (((hugs)))

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  • blissfully_caffeinatedblissfully_caffeinated
    imagejennterrell:

    i think that men (1) don't understand the fatigue and nausea we sometimes go through (2) underestimate the effort we exert to keep the house running and (3) if they do understand these things, they are clueless as to what support (emotional or tangible) they can give.

    it sucks. BTDT But it gets better for you in 2nd tri, if that's any consolation...

    This! To be honest, I didn't understand how hard pregnancy was until I got pregnant. I mean, I understood that a lot of women would get morning sickness but that was it. I let some things slide during first tri (like cleaning and non-essential house stuff). I felt a whole lot better around 13 weeks.  Hang in there!

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  • emathis2emathis2
    They just dont get it or they pretend they dont.  Pregnancy and then new motherhood is hard and you need help and support.  Make sure he understands this or you will be one resentful new mama (like I was).  It'll get better and I hope he catches on quick!
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  • *kms**kms*

    BIG (hugs)

    My husband didn't "get it" until he saw me fall asleep at 6:00 every night, not eat anything but grilled cheese, the dishes weren't done, laundry wasn't done for weeks.  It finally clicked that just b/c he couldn't SEE that I was pregnant, I was and I was miserable.  He stepped up for awhile.....

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  • cm215204cm215204

    I was lucky that the one thing that made me nauseous was uncooked food, so if DH wanted to eat, he made dinner, which is a habit that has continued for the last eight months (and one I will definitely not be breaking any time soon!) But the cleaning, organizing, paying bills, everything else, has only improved after major emotional crying breakdowns.  I've found that they work for about two weeks.

    To give my dh some credit though, I think he simply sees "clean" in a whole different way than me. 

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