VENT: I'm trying
SOME BACKGROUND: Keep in mind she is only CP because we are only a little under 50%. Our break down according to CS dept is like 42% and hers 58%. C/O still says joint custody because of her past history. She doesn't not have sole custody but acts like she does.
We pick up SS at 4 because we can never work out anything with her. She
pretty much denies any requests of more time with him unless it
benefits her. His birthday compromise was HUGE! Indeed an answered prayer.
She is always texting, adamant about regular routine and schedule, but yet can't follow them on the days we pick him up. Somethings obviously wrong here. SS is crying even before we pick him up. SS comes running to DH and tells him "Daddy Cheep." That is him telling us he wants to sleep.
We send a text to her letting her know he stopped crying. I'm thinking in my head if she is going to send nasty text messages about routine and what not she should follow through with her own requests. I would have to say hypocritical. You say one thing and do another.
Her reply to that was "I am such an easy going person. I always work things out with you blah blah blah. You picking him up on your midweek visits are disrupting his routines. Its unnecessary to put him through this! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT ISN'T IN HIS BEST INTEREST TO SEE HIS DAD BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR SCHEDULE! REALITY CHECK LADY THE JUDGE AND SS LAWYER ORDERED MIDWEEK VISITS SO HE CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS DAD, GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER AFTER YOU KIDNAPPED HIM FOR A YEAR!
Her text following that "Its such a waste of money and time fighting with you over small things." She is her own worst enemy! Besides the lawyer she has is not even paid for. He does a favor for her because he is friend to her boyfriends dad. He is not even a family lawyer. He is a business lawyer who doesn't know crap about family law. She wants to run around gloat that she has a lawyer and we don't. So childish. We did have one up until DH got laid off. Been very fortunate and blessed that people have guided us in the right direction even without a lawyer.
Documentation shows she is always the confrontational parent always looking out for her best interest not his. I guess when you tell enough lies you start to believe them.
Her last text in her own text war...of course we laugh and don't reply.
"Im going to file to have your mid week visit changed because you are disrupting his regular routine. (Sounds like a broken record) This is just unnecessary to put him through this" (Put him through what) You mean spending time with his dad...cummon! If anything taking him away from spending time with DH will only prove detrimental later. DH has been fighting to find him since he was 5 months old and she took off with him. What makes her think her little threat is going to make DH roll over and play dead now.
Re: VENT: I'm trying
What is she claiming is his normal routine, and how is picking him up for a midweek visit interupting said routine?
How often do you have the SS? Do you have him every other week? Every other weekend? Every weekend?
What is her agenda? Do you know? Suspect?
To address your questions here goes...her stating normal routine like when he eats naps sleeps. Supposedly she has him on a strict routine like wakes up at 8 am naps at noon to one. Sleeps at 9pm. DH picks him up at 4 pm midweek on Tues/Wed. See if DH picks him up at 4 he should've already woken up for his nap. She is now saying it messes up her routine. I honestly don't know how.
We have midweeks, 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends alternating holidays.
As to what she is up to don't know don't care. I just found it funny that she thinks she knows more than what the judge and SS court appointed lawyer thought was best.
I just had a chance to reply to this and already another ugly text message. She failed to check her C/O that today is a holiday and we don't have to drop him off until 6 pm.
When you don't react the other party is left to feel stupid. We learned the hard way of engaging in stupidity. These days all it requires a deleting messages. Unless it has to do SS being sick or something really important we don't even bother.
At the end of it all we had a blast. SS went to the aquarium, had fun in the touch tanks, went to the park to feed the duckies, watched a movie. I look back at photographs and those are the moments that matter most!
I really don't mean to be negative to you - I'm sure it seems that way, but your situation makes no sense to me. You need to accept that you will never be able to get BM to be a normal, easy-going person. Accept that she will make things difficult. Once you accept it, you will understand that you DO NOT need to have these conversations over text! Don't engage her at all! You only wrote her texts, but you don't include yours - I'm sure they weren't all that diplomatic.
Do you get every other weekends with your SS? You could offer to let the mid-week visit go if you could tack on an extra day to your weekends. Win-win for both of you.
I know you mention that you don't have an attorney, but you really need one. Your H could get a part-time job to pay for the attorney expenses - it really is that important.
If our situation doesnt make sense to a lot of people, how you do you think we feel? We choose not to try and think like her or feed into her. We are learning to hold our tongue, and our inbox is constantly overflowed with nonsense texts.
We didn't reply to any of her texts as I previously mentioned. We don't engage in it. She sent four all by herself. Believe it or not this time it was her all by herself. She gets even more upset and sends that many more. But thats just her.
Oh and to address the compromise, she wouldn't go for it we tried. Between her and her "lawyer" its all about numbers and CS. They made it very clear when they fought midweek visits and tried to filed for over 1300 in CS in court last April. Because of her fraud attempts she only got 350. None of her numbers checked out. The ones that did were dismissed because she tried to collect from gov't and CS. She is also using gov't assistance and that is why they didn't up the CS amount either.
As for the lawyer we are being guided by them. He has unemployment benefits but that is by no means enough to pay for a lawyer. The economy in CA is a lot rougher than other states. He is being proactive in all the things he has had to deal with job or BM situation.
Hi mom2one he is three.
I feel for you guys! BM#1 was sort of like this when the kids were younger. It was just to try and control every thing and can drive you crazy! It got a lot better for us as the kids got older and I hope the same happens for you.
For us instead of having the midweek visit we signed them up for a little league sport that DH could assistant coach. That way it was part of the kids schedule and DH got to spend that time with them. This might work for you guys too.
She sounds alot like our BM. She is always crying for SD's routine, but it's ok for her to disrupt it whenever it suits her. She also likes to make up rules as she goes along and wants DH to follow them, but those rules don't apply to her. It's obnoxious.
All I can say is don't argue with the crazies, it's nearly pointless; and stick to the CO. She can threaten to take you back to court to take away DH's weekday visitation, but it won't happen. SS's "routine" is to go to his dad's on that day, that's the routine. That BM of yours is just being hateful and stupid.
Positive thinking like this is the only way to keep our sanity sometimes! I'm sorry BM is being ridiculous, but I'm glad you all had a great afternoon with SS!!
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