Blended Families
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latest SD bullsh*t

So she calls her dad yesterday. She and Josh were fighting. Physically beating the crap out of each other. She did not ask to come back here, but DH told me the whole ugly mess and says, "If it comes down to her getting kicked out, she has no where to go. Her mom will not take her in except for a week or two.  Will you let her come back here is she needs somewhere to go?"

I said no.  He said that's what he thought but he's concerned his daugther will be out on the streets soon if she doesn't stop this nonsense. I told him that it was her problem. Not ours. I told him after Paula's conversation and hearing about this fight with Josh, she's obviously not ready to move back here.  I'm not going through that drama and BS again. He seemed to take it well but I know he's worried about his daughter. 

I can't believe he even asked me.  I worked late last night so when I got home he was in bed and sleeping already so I didn't bother him with it.  I'm not even going to bring it up again until he does. 

I am so done with this bullsh*t.  Why we have to deal with her drama and and pull her out of her messes.... STILL?  I don't know. I am so frustrated with him and why he feels this need to rescue her. She is SO playing him.

She runs back and forth between "daddy" and Josh all the time. It's pathetic. 

I was going to call and talk to her. I don't want to. If i do then she knows she's got me wrapped up in her bullsh*t too.  I refuse. 

I AM NO LONGER PLAYING HER GAMES!!!

Re: latest SD bullsh*t

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    Honey.........I am so sorry.

    It may be time to move the tough love from SD to DH.  Remind him that he has a choice, continue to let his adult daughter run his life or a wife who will go through life with him.

    I know that it is easier for me to say that from way over here.....but at some point you have to put YOUR Sanity, Safety and Finances first. 
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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    Sometimes I wonder if DH himself loves this attention. You know? Being needed so desperately by  his daughter?  He couldn't always be there for her when he was a little girl and now he can and be the big hero...

    I don't know.  Just a thought.  He doesn't seem to revel in it and he dreads this stuff too so I'm not so sure how dead on I am about that but something has to be feeding DH and his reason for not stopping this ridiculousness.

    I'm all about analyzing things and figuring out why people do what they do.  He's getting something out of this.

    DH will get a wake up call soon.  I'm tired of this.  I did tell him that it is time for some serious tough love. His way is obviously not working.  I probably still should try to get him to guide SD and encourage her to get her own place. Either with her friend or brother, on her own, or look up "room mate" wanted ads. 

    I bet if she knows we've totally cut her off, and her mom has cut her off, she'll step up. I know she has it in her. She's just going to have to be forced into it. 
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    But what are you going to do if he DOES really ask you to let her come back to you guys?

    You need to be prepared with your answer.  And you should let him KNOW what that answer is before he stupidly tries it.


    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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    Ugh. I don't know how you do it, J! I don't think I could be this strong. What an emotional rollercoaster.
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    I will quietly and firmly say NO.   Period. N. O. NO.  And not budge. And I don't feel bad about it.  Not one damn bit.  It's gotten to the point that this is utterly and completely ridiculous and I'm tired of it.

    Will he be mad? Sure. He'll be pissed. OFF. But he'll get over it.  Or divorce me.  LOL!  But I know he won't do that.  It's time I stop caving.  Once I put my foot down I need to keep it down.

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    Good for you.
    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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    I'm with Illumine on this.  Don't cave in - you will have issues with her once again if you let her move back.  Good Luck!
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    Oh I know Flo!  If she were to move in, I'd have to lock our room and closet and now our office, which was SS's room when he was here.   AND put up all my fine china and nice things again.  I don't want to live like that.  DH and I are also doing so much better and our relationship has grown leaps and bounds since the kids have been gone.  We deserve better.

    I won't have it.

    I don't want to be cold and callous but at what point do we start taking care of US?  They are adults now. We can't baby them and fix their problems anymore. They need to learn to do it on their own.
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    J, STOP trying to solve her issues, she needs to do it herself or she will never learn.  I know you want to help her in some way and part of you feels bad but she needs the tough love from both of you and if you call her and tell her what to do then she is not on her own.  As for him, I want to shake him and make him see that you should in no way let a lying, cheating, stealer live with you.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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